Oh balls, oh balls oh balls! Help! I urgently need help - I have just messed up - wail!

[dividedselfridgesxmaswindow]

I don't even know how to explain this.

Roughly, dp of 3 months has said that he wants to spend Saturday nights at his place whereas normally he always spends this time with me and my dcx3 bringing his 2 dc with him.

The dc chat til very late and are quite hard work all together but I'm hppy with htis because it is the mos relaxed stretch of time dp and I have; Sat night into Sunday morning and all day Sunday.

I have got the hump about this and felt that if we can't deal with this Saturday issue and sort out the children and their sleep set up then the whole relationship becomes pointless because we'd really own then hve the fag end of every week day together and I said this makes me feel like a week night fuck .

He wants to carry on, I said that I don't go backwards in relationships and since we have spent every night together for 2 months happily then I don't get this course of action and wish to end things if it is to be like that.

He is very upset and cross with me about this so we reched a stale mate. Next thing, the children start mucking about upstairs and he says "right, it's nearly 5 o'clock and my kids haven't had tea - i'm taking them home" so I say "right" and mutter and swear a bit. Kids come down and say "why aren't we making butter like we were supposed to and i say "cos D (dp) is being grumpy - ask him" and off they go.

I send wicked text and now wonder what to do...

Feck.

Kid in tears and I soon will be I think. At the mo I am fuming.

I know I am being immature a bit (although all convo has been very diplomatic on my part til now) and controlling to some degree but I just see a big red flag that says commitment phobia.

We were supposed to be on holiday together (his idea) in May. He thinks I am mad but I just see someone walking awy from me

Bit stuck as don't really understand your post. Sorry.

Has he said why he wants to stop at home on Saturdays? Maybe he feels that he wants to be in 'his space' for a change. 3 months isn't very long to have set a pattern already.

Can't you take it in turns to stay over at each other's places??

Is this just a fall-out that has gone a bit far and needs a bit of work to bring back round? Or worse you think?

ok the advice i am seeking is:

1)Am I right to jib the whole thing off since he's backing away a bit or do I concede this important night

2. If I am being a twunt with regard to above, what do I do right now to stop this idiocy? Letter through door after tea, visit him in a bit, phone, a nicer text than the wicked one I sent as he drove away??

I'm dangerous wih realtionships fgs.

Why not ask him why he wants Sat night at home and take it from there? Why not ring him and ask to meet up and discuss it face to face?

Why exactly does he want to change Saturdays? Is it because the kids are such hard work? If so, couldn't you sit down together and draw up some rules/a plan for handling that?

I'd contact him and apologise for the text and say you'd like to sort this out, if I were you.

Ooh, sorry My post is confusing because it is a confusing situ and my keys don't work sorry!

Thank you for replying though.

I'm not sure how fart this has gone tbh. He loves me to bits tbh but I am constantly over protecting myself from rejection I suppose.

Anyway, I asked for my rent overpayment back (he's my landlord ) as he left and said I'd be gone by 17th. Too proud, I am.

I really care about him and I'd just decided last week to let him in a bit more - emotionally, y'know?!

Can you not text and say sorry for over reacting? Maybe tell him that you feel scared he is backing off and discuss a compromise. Maybe he could stay home on saturday nights but you could all get together on sundays? It doesnt have to be the end and he is probably thinking of his children too.

far not fart - God the t key neve works when i want it to and then...

His children may be asking for 'Dad-only time' back.

I see what you mean. He wants NOT to see you and your kids on saturday night.

Have you asked him why?

Firstly; you need to chill a bit petal.

Secondly, maybe he just wants a little bit of time with his kids on his own-perfectly reasonable.

I think you've overreacted a little bit- this Saturday issue doesn't have to mean as much as you think it does.

He wants Saturdays at home because he finds it hard to cope with all 5 children running round like nutters and talking til nearly midnight.

He eckons their behaviour the next day is totlly down to no sleep but they are 8 and 9 and while i accept this to some degree, i think the behaviour issues run deeper than envionmental stuff over the weekend.

I also think we should get on and deal with it together because if we crry on with this relationship it'll come up again one day.

Sorry hit send too quickly.

Think you need to try to keep the two sides of your relationship separate if you can

Maybe send him a text saying you'd like a calmer, more reasoned chat tomorrow maybe?

Hey snowflakes, i posted on here for you.

Oh did you?

I'm home, slight change of plans

Maybe he just wants a bit of time with is kids on his own.............in the nicest possible way iykwim, maybe their rowdiness is a bit too much for him and he wants them to wind down a bit.

if you feel you have over reacted give him a day or so to chill out and get the humble pie .................sorry i sound like my mother

Must admit the thought of 5 kids up til midnight every Saturday night would have me running for the hills.... . If he's not happy with this arrangement then that's ok but he needs to find a alternative arrangement that you are happy with too. 3 months is really quite a short space of time to have developed this kind of pattern.

Also.....maybe the Saturday Night thing is really vcery different to what his kids are used to. In that case I can see how it would disrupt their sleep routine somewhat.

Once in a while it sounds like the greatest of fun though

Indeed i has been short and intense. I didn't think we'd las because we both have a few issues due to past relationships but we seemed to have overcome them lately and things were really good.

I wouldn't mind the Saturday thing if it wasn't the only night we have where there is no commitment the following morning to work/school, etc.

I am also miffed because in all the time he's had his own place (had to move out of his house due to divorce) he's only spent 4 nights in it - totally his choice.

I couldn't think of a compromise but i guess the alternate nights thing might be the way to go.

Now, he'll be right next door tomorrow morning at 6.30 am so do I try and sot this now or really levae it a day or so. If I leave it will mean literally ignoring him as I walk past the window to his shop and also going elsewhere for breadand milk, etc. plus missing my morning coffee with him tomorrow.

Sorry to so pathetically be asking for such specific advice.

I'd send a text now saying you'd like to chat about it in the morning make some kind of contact this evening cetainly I would say.

Where did you post for me, can't find it?

Am on MSN now if that helps?

am psyching self up for text or maybe phonecall. Methinks he will inflinct his revenge on me though for being so unreasonable.So I may yet feel worse. It might be over. Gawd!

Don't text him - call him. Or if you can't face that write him a note. I don't think serious emotional issues can be resolved by texts. In my experience texting makes things worse (too easy to get the wrong end of the stick etc.)

You are right that you will need to sort this out at some point, but maybe not now. I'd give him some space, back off for a bit, but don't close the door and see what happens.