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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Okay, was I wrong to do this? (long sorry)

31 replies

Monkeytrousers · 13/01/2008 16:05

We live in a really lovely terrace, all private owned, great neighbours and community etc and a few months ago our neighbour but next bought the house between us and let it out to a woman and her son. She seems lovely, this isn;t about her but her boyfriend.

Pretty early on I met her boyfriend when out in the garden with another neighbour friend one evening; we were having a drink and a chat and they came out into their garden for a cigarette. They were very drunk, fair do's but he was completely off the rails, talking constantly, swinging widly from being 'funny' to being agressive, saying really nastly thinsg about his girlfriend when she was out of earshot and telling us a very long story about how he had been at a party a couple of weeks befoore and had fallen asleep on a bed and woke up the next day to finds someone had thrown acid on his face and neck (he had a scar) for no reason at all he said, it was "just one of those things" .

Me and my friend were friendly but when we went back inside were both mortified adn knew he was trouble. Theeir drunken arguments began to pill out into the street in the small hours. We are the only ones without double glazing and most have extensions too so don't think this bothered anyone else much, although another neighbour further up the street did ring the police on night as she thought it was a domestic violence incident.

Anyway, this happens regulaly. I have sopken to the landlord and things quieten down then start up agian. Then this bloke aquited a car from somewhere.

Last night things erupted agian, drunken fighting, him drunk and screaming and shouting awful thinsg at her in the street (didn;t hear her at all) and at about 4am he screeched off in the car.

This morning I rang the police to say I supected someone of dangerous/drink driving but couldn't be 100% sure. i said that I also thought the woman at teh address might have been in danger. They asked for the number plate, I gave them it.

The police were at teh house, two squad cars, within an hour.

DP (my DP) hit the roof. Told me that if he was convicted that he could loose his licence and that I should have consulted with him before I did something so venoumous.

He has suggested that we go next door and apologise. I am absolutley furious with him. I can barely stand to look at him.

Opinions please.

OP posts:
Monkeytrousers · 13/01/2008 16:06

sorry for typos. to furious to proof

OP posts:
lazarou · 13/01/2008 16:07

You did the right thing. poor you, let's hope he does lose his license.

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 13/01/2008 16:07

How would your Dp know if one of his friends was knocked over and killed by a drunk driver?

You did exactly the right thing IMO.

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 13/01/2008 16:08

Sorry, I meant how would your DP feel ?

lazarou · 13/01/2008 16:08

DO NOT GO NEXT DOOR!!!!! Don't let them know it was you!!! Just keep being pleasant when you see them, you don't want to get involved in their arguments.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 13/01/2008 16:09

Do not apologise.

You appear to be living next door to the Battersbys(are they still in Coronation Street ?)

I rather suspect they were more taken up with the DV issue and also suspect it is not the first call they have had on the matter.

lilacclaire · 13/01/2008 16:10

I presume their landlord lives on the other side of them?
I would tackle the landlord, but no, you done the right thing with regards to the drink driving.
Poor woman!

Monkeytrousers · 13/01/2008 16:11

I am not going next door.

I have no problem talking to the woman, but I do not want to engage with this man ever. The fact that DP thinks I has some hidden "agenda" is utterly bewildering in the circumstances.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 13/01/2008 16:11

How stressful for you, having horrible neighbours can really make your life a misery

I don't think it was a venomous thing to do - drunk drivers kill people. I think your dp is being a tube steak. Does he REALLY think it's a good idea to go next door and say "it was me - beat the crap out of me please"

JeremyVile · 13/01/2008 16:11

if he loses his licence, it will be due to his drink-driving....quite simple really.

Your DP is ridiclous in expecting you to go and apologise.

warthog · 13/01/2008 16:12

do not apologise on any account.

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 13/01/2008 16:12

Chances are that by the time the police would have caught up with waste of space boyfriend he would have been under the limit.

I reckon they are more taken by the DV.

DoubleBluff · 13/01/2008 16:13

Don't go next door, will just make it worse if they know you called the Police. You did the right thing though. Drink driving is evil.

Beetroot · 13/01/2008 16:13

Do not apologise

every time there is noise call enviromental health and the poliice

Monkeytrousers · 13/01/2008 16:16

Exactly JV! This piece of logis is lost on him.

I have tried to speak to the woman a few times. I knocked on her one noght after her bf had stormed off but she didn;t answer and I repespect her privacy about it.

I grew up in a house amongst a lot of domestic violence and really feel morally compelled not to ignore it.

OP posts:
Hecate · 13/01/2008 16:18

Is your dp NUTS?

I hope you read this thread to him and that he gets a dose of reality.

If this man is such a nutter, what does your dp think he'll do if he finds out you called the police on him?

Well, for a start you'll be replacing your windows on a weekly basis!

He will torture you! Both of you.

And look, he beats up his partner. He is a thug. He drives drunk. he deserves to get into trouble. But you must protect yourselves. This does NOT mean by turning a blind eye to it.

I'm assuming your dp does not think this bloke should just be allowed to beat up his partner without interference?

Someone has to step in. Who? Why do people always think Someone has to do something (just not me).

Monkeytrousers · 13/01/2008 16:19

The noise doesn't really bother me to be honest Beety. I am more worried about the hosue price being affected if anything! And I would really hate to add to this woman's problems; she has a SN child too, though he goes to stay with his dad at weekends so doesn't witness this I hope.

OP posts:
Monkeytrousers · 13/01/2008 16:20

I don't know if there is actual physical violence Hecate, only witnessed verbal.

I know the two are often linked though.

OP posts:
Twiggypiggy · 13/01/2008 16:29

Don't go next door or tell anyone in RL about it. Least said, soonest mended. Just act normal.

You did the right thing.

Janos · 13/01/2008 16:33

That bloke sounds terrible and I think you did exactky the right thing. So what if he loses his licence? Boo freaking hoo.

Men can be odd about this kind of thing.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 13/01/2008 16:36

Your DP is the one in the wrong. Why on earth does he want to defend someone who behaves so atrociously? Thei neighbour could have killed someone driving while under the influence?

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 13/01/2008 16:37

You go next door and apologise. For what exactly? For doing the right thing? You do that and things will get a whole lot worse. Your DP is a prat.

hertsnessex · 13/01/2008 16:39

i think you did the right thing. and your dp is being silly. i hope the guy does get arrested.

cx

LaDiDaDi · 13/01/2008 16:42

Do not go next door, do not apologise.

Why is your dp asking you to do this?

You behaved perfectly reasonably in calling the police. If you drink drive (and you had reasonable grounds to suspect that this guy was) then you deserve a ban. Put it to your dp that if he was drunk behind the wheel and the police hadn't stopped him driving the guy and others may be dead now.

FWIW years ago I called the police when someone I knew was drink driving. They got a year ban. They are now my lovely dp who regrets his stupid behaviour, never drinks and drives and is very cautious the day after a night out. We both know that I did the right thing and so did you.

pirategirl · 13/01/2008 16:43

suionds like yuor dp is scared imo, of possible backlash, but suggesting you go and apologise is only going to make it worse.

Maybe your dp, has had 'blokey' chats on the offchance with this guy, and feels bad in some way.

Men can be so bloody cowardly.

You did the right thing imo. I called the police once,a nd tbh prob saved the womans's life. I was scared, as i had got involved, but some months later she moved and wrote to me saying she had managed to break free.