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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Okay, was I wrong to do this? (long sorry)

31 replies

Monkeytrousers · 13/01/2008 16:05

We live in a really lovely terrace, all private owned, great neighbours and community etc and a few months ago our neighbour but next bought the house between us and let it out to a woman and her son. She seems lovely, this isn;t about her but her boyfriend.

Pretty early on I met her boyfriend when out in the garden with another neighbour friend one evening; we were having a drink and a chat and they came out into their garden for a cigarette. They were very drunk, fair do's but he was completely off the rails, talking constantly, swinging widly from being 'funny' to being agressive, saying really nastly thinsg about his girlfriend when she was out of earshot and telling us a very long story about how he had been at a party a couple of weeks befoore and had fallen asleep on a bed and woke up the next day to finds someone had thrown acid on his face and neck (he had a scar) for no reason at all he said, it was "just one of those things" .

Me and my friend were friendly but when we went back inside were both mortified adn knew he was trouble. Theeir drunken arguments began to pill out into the street in the small hours. We are the only ones without double glazing and most have extensions too so don't think this bothered anyone else much, although another neighbour further up the street did ring the police on night as she thought it was a domestic violence incident.

Anyway, this happens regulaly. I have sopken to the landlord and things quieten down then start up agian. Then this bloke aquited a car from somewhere.

Last night things erupted agian, drunken fighting, him drunk and screaming and shouting awful thinsg at her in the street (didn;t hear her at all) and at about 4am he screeched off in the car.

This morning I rang the police to say I supected someone of dangerous/drink driving but couldn't be 100% sure. i said that I also thought the woman at teh address might have been in danger. They asked for the number plate, I gave them it.

The police were at teh house, two squad cars, within an hour.

DP (my DP) hit the roof. Told me that if he was convicted that he could loose his licence and that I should have consulted with him before I did something so venoumous.

He has suggested that we go next door and apologise. I am absolutley furious with him. I can barely stand to look at him.

Opinions please.

OP posts:
Janos · 13/01/2008 16:43

Yes, under no circumstances should you be apologising. Because a) you have nothing to apologise for and b)he sounds like the sort who will make your life a misery.

But mainly a. What on earth is your DP thinking of?

ginnedup · 13/01/2008 16:59

What does your dp think will happen if you go and apologise? Does he think this thug will say thank you for apologising and shake hands?
No.
A man like that is likely to a)thump you b)thump dp or c) start a personal vendetta against you both (In fact he'd probably do all 3)

You were right to phone the police. He could have killed someone's child driving about in that state and then how would you have felt knowing you did nothing.

Good for you.

Monkeytrousers · 13/01/2008 21:09

Dp still unmovable on this. Says that becasue he has only witnessed it twice that doesn't constitute a pattern for him and so calling the police was unjustified. Even though I have witnessed it 4 or 5 times now.

So basically what he is saying is my word isn't good enough for him.

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 13/01/2008 21:18

If I saw anyone, even once drink driving I would report them - nothing to do with a 'pattern'. And you mustn't let them know that you grassed on them- whole heap of shite could follow

Your DH is being an arse

and my DH agrees with me, so not all men are daft about this

MsHighwater · 13/01/2008 21:23

Can't believe your dh wants you to "go next door and apologise". Of course you did the right thing.

Alambil · 13/01/2008 21:35

The police won't say to a drink driver - "so, sir, how many times is this? your first? oh ok - on your way"!!!

It only takes ONE drink drive to KILL someone - how would your DH feel if it was one of your kids/him/you next time??

You did the right thing - you may not have witnessed physical violence but MENTAL and VERBAL are still abuse - you have helped the woman. Lets hope she sees sense and takes the help.

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