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Original poster

When does sex end in a marriage with children?

71 replies

happydappy2 · 30/05/2022 21:52

Married for 20 years, 2 children late teens, husbands job very all consuming, I’ve felt like a single parent for years (although he does provide financially for us.) We had a great sex life when younger but now I just don’t fancy him….he probably doesn’t fancy me either! Just asking for others points of view as my libido has fallen off a cliff…. When do happily married couples naturally stop having sex?

OP posts:
HorribleHerstory · 30/05/2022 21:54

I don’t think they do….

topcat2014 · 30/05/2022 21:55

Menopause..in my exp.

DaftyLass · 30/05/2022 21:57

We are a couple with now grown kids, been married for almost 30 years, still have an active, fun sex life

KangarooKenny · 30/05/2022 21:57

My DH had problems finishing, caused by antidepressants, but he didn’t do anything about it. This was in his 50’s. I got fed up of having crap sex, so I stopped. Then I lost my libido due to peri menopause at about 50.

KiwiLadyPie · 30/05/2022 21:58

I'm not sure happy couples stop having sex unless there is a medical reason. Would you consider opening up the marriage? Is he bothered by the lack of sex?

Overthewine · 30/05/2022 22:00

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
happydappy2 · 30/05/2022 22:04

I wonder if men & women are compatible after menopause…..if men want sex & women aren’t bothered…

OP posts:
Pollydonia · 30/05/2022 22:05

31 years and still at it.
There was a dry patch for around 6 months when we had 2 older teens in the house, mainly through life being hectic and lack of privacy.

Babdoc · 30/05/2022 22:07

My PILs approached me for advice when FIL’s beta blockers were causing erectile dysfunction. They were in their late eighties at the time! So no, OP, happily married couples continue their sex lives indefinitely.

KiwiLadyPie · 30/05/2022 22:16

Babdoc · 30/05/2022 22:07

My PILs approached me for advice when FIL’s beta blockers were causing erectile dysfunction. They were in their late eighties at the time! So no, OP, happily married couples continue their sex lives indefinitely.

Do you have professional expertise on the subject?

RodiganReed · 30/05/2022 22:18

Babdoc · 30/05/2022 22:07

My PILs approached me for advice when FIL’s beta blockers were causing erectile dysfunction. They were in their late eighties at the time! So no, OP, happily married couples continue their sex lives indefinitely.

spits tea out

Cherryblossoms85 · 30/05/2022 22:20

I'm struggling after 9 years really. He's lovely, I just don't feel like it any more. Too tired and a bit confused by my new role as the breadwinner, maybe. I dunno. Hopefully it'll pass.

Wherearemymarbles · 30/05/2022 22:20

together 30 years, kids at home. Still have sex several times a week. Admittedly not the several times a day back when we were gloriously youthful and full of the joys of spring!

Floralnomad · 30/05/2022 22:22

Happy , compatible couples do not stop having sex , even after the menopause , you may do it less often than in the first flush of a relationship but you still do it . We’ve been married 30+ years so I’m speaking from experience .

Regularmumnetter · 30/05/2022 22:26

Never I hope

Ihaveoflate · 30/05/2022 22:27

We don't have sex very often (married 10 years). We have a toddler and busy work lives - frankly, we're knackered.

How does anyone with small children have the time and energy?! I'm hoping it's a temporary blip and that we'll get back into the swing of it at some point.

We do still cuddle and holds hands etc so I do still feel somewhat physically connected. But sex is so far down the list of priorities for me - maybe my marriage is actually doomed and I'm just in denial!

Crikeyalmighty · 30/05/2022 22:33

I have to be honest and say I stopped being remotely interested in sex around the time menopause kicked in and have never been that bothered after around 40.

ColourMeExhausted · 30/05/2022 22:34

Guessing it goes through different stages. Right now, we have small DC, stressful lives and once a week is what we seem to manage, which I'm happy with. Used to want it several times a week, but now that just feels exhausting! I worry sometimes we 'should' be doing it more (especially when I read posts on here where couples appear to be at it like rabbits 10 times a day even with FT jobs and 5 DC underfoot) but this works for us. We both agree sex is about quality not quantity, and are aware that this is a difficult time in our lives. I have faith it will pick up as DC get older (although not sure about that with teenagers in the house!). And when we do it, we both really enjoy it.

Like others says, it depends on whether you're both happy with no sex and have a strong relationship otherwise. I don't know what lies ahead but I love DH and our marriage is about more than sex. If we stopped, I'd hope we could talk about it, and still remain affectionate in other ways.

ColourMeExhausted · 30/05/2022 22:35

Oh and we're both early 40s, so am looking forward to seeing what joys the menopause will bring!

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/05/2022 22:35

In my case, it was when their childishness and neediness made them so unattractive I didn't want to.

PermanentTemporary · 30/05/2022 22:37

God, never I hope. But sure it does happen and menopause seems to feature.

I do read an awful lot of AIBU threads about couples earlier in their relationship though and wonder how on earth men are surprised by a woman's libido dropping.

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/05/2022 22:39

happydappy2 · 30/05/2022 22:04

I wonder if men & women are compatible after menopause…..if men want sex & women aren’t bothered…

Menopause doesn't necessarily mean a loss of libido in women. I'm menopausal (on HRT) and would love a bit of how's yer father.😳

ColourMeExhausted · 30/05/2022 22:39

@Ihaveoflate I wonder the same about parents of young children - I am exhausted every evening and the last thing I want to do is sex! Would prefer mornings except we have a very early riser...

Angrymum22 · 30/05/2022 22:39

We are sexless at the moment but completely due to health reasons. DH had a stroke recently and I recently had to come off HRT and take oestrogen blockers.
I suppose we are lucky that both of us have had a libido dip at the same time.
Hopefully we’ll return to normal service eventually although I am enjoying the none penetrative alternatives. DH is keen to keep me happy.
Sex has the function of reinforcing the bond between you. It changes over the years and although often less frequent it no less enjoyable.
You just have to plan more and make a bit of effort.
Children are real passion killers. But they do grow up, go for sleepovers. And best of all somewhere around 15-16 they retire to their room and only emerge for food and to go out. They also keep the door firmly shut. They make a lot of noise moving around so you get plenty of warning if you are likely to be disturbed.

MissSmiley · 30/05/2022 22:42

I was married for 20 years and we had good sex regularly right up until we split, my sex drive didn't diminish during menopause either, have been having even better sex since I met my new man and don't intend to stop ever