DH health issue and his reaction

[NameChangeForThis3333]

I've agonised over where to put this. It's not a troll post or one that I'd like mocked. I thought about the Health board but I want traffic.

For way too long now, Ive put up with DH sitting down on the bed when he's changing (so naked) and when he gets up, he leaves a definite faecal stain on the bed. I've told him each time to sort it (change the bedding) but he always laughs it off in a bit of a boorish 'haw haw' laddish manner. I've ignored this and thought, at the start, that it was down to embarrassment, but he doesn't seem embarrassed in the least.

He also has a patch of eczema which he scratches, right at the top of his bum crack and when he sits down to use the loo, he leaves the marks of the wet eczema on the lid and never wipes it off.

Last night, we were childless for a rare night so had gone to dinner. We rarely have sex when the DC are with us - house is tiny, DH is 6'5" and the bed creaks like crazy, I don't like the thought of them hearing us , so last night was a chance for a bit of intimacy. I noticed the same 'stain' on the side where he sits and couldn't have felt
less romantic at that moment.

Probably the wrong thing to do, but I asked him if he was clean, if he'd wiped properly and the mood went quickly down hill. To cover his embarrassment, I asked him if it was possibly a health problem and he exploded, said I'd ruined the moment (yeah pal, never reached the 'moment' thanks all the same) and got so angry that I left and slept in my DD's room.

Today, he's resentful, said that I ruined the night and what on Earth was I thinking. I (again, not wanting to humiliate him) apologised but didn't actually want to say out loud that I was completely turned on off because of his shitty backside. He actually said that he accepted my apology and he's just got on with his day but in a grumpy mood - with me, the cat, the kids.

I've had enough and told him that he should take what I said on the chin and grow up. I said that it was a big deal for me, had been for ages, and that he should 'own' what is happening to his own body.

I don't want to hurt him, but it needed saying. I'm just sick of his reaction - deflecting all the blame on me instead of dealing with his bloody backside!!

but its normal for a woman to bleed every month... its not normal to leave shit stains everywhere your arse touches. And id hate it less to have blood everywhere than shit lets face it , blood doesnt stink like shit does

Do bore off

Unless as pp have suggested its a medical matter, a bidet or bum gun might be the way to go. Or simplest of all just get him one if these little handheld squirt thingies.

OP, I really sympathise as I had this with an exP and it caused a lot of problems between us. It most often happened when we were having sex but also sometimes when he sat on the bed naked or when he dried himself with a towel. He also used to leave marks on the toilet seat. I tried to talk to him about it but he just got defensive and annoyed. He went to the doctor at my insistence but they said there was nothing wrong so I guess it was a hygiene issue in his case.

I got fed up of changing the sheets and cleaning the toilet seat after him. We stopped having sex and in the end I didn’t even want to share a bed with him.

It sounds like your H really ought to get checked out but in the absence of a physical problem, he should be making sure his sure is arse is clean. It should not be your responsibility to clean up his mess and his lack of consideration for you and your feelings is disrespectful. For him to try to compare it to a period blood leakage is just insulting. Is he like this in any other respect?

Wipes and things are all very well, but leaking faeces is not normal for anyone.

He really needs to have this checked out. Males are often not good at seeking help and there is danger of leaving it until things reach crisis point.

Why should op have to do that? Surely he can do this for himself. If he can't see it's a problem then it's a really fucking problem.

There was a similar thread a while ago op, might be worth a search, gross as it is.

Leaving shit stains on the bedding is somewhat different to bleeding on the sheets and changing them.

Why should OP have to? Because he currently doesn't see the need to and is ignoring that it might be a problem. Anything OP can do to persuade him it *is a problem is surely worth doing?

I can see it from both sides. He embarrassed and probably feels a bit rejected. You're frustrated at his unwillingness to deal with the issue. He needs to get it checked out.

I would have very little tolerance for the stamping around, which is IMO is trying to shut you down and not mention it again.

THAT would infuriate me.

Comparing it with menstrual leaking is ridiculous.

Of course it is a turn off but his petulant reaction would be the bigger turn off.

Pity about him being mortified after it has been repeatedly said to him that he is leaving marks on the bed.

Respect for himself, not to mind you should mean he would want to get it checked.

His repeated boorish "haw haw" reaction would infuriate me and be the grestest turn off.

I would be looking at moving out of the bedroom if possible.

He sounds juvenile, petulant and extremely disrespectful of you.

Whatever about the health implications and his need to see a doctor, the sheer arrogance of thinking leaving marks on a bed is something you should just put up with.

Unbelievable.

You have my sympathy.

Sorry for the lack of response. Caught covid - feel very rough.
At least I have bed to myself for a wee while. I'll read everyone's input when I'm up for it. Thank you.

Once he's 60 he'll likely get sent one of the bowel cancer test kits to do. But you say he's younger I wonder if you can get one sent to him by his GP anyway?

One of your posts mentioned his size. Is he very overweight?

If so, he might not be able to reach properly to wipe back there.
The suggestion of the bidet seat or bum gun is a good one. He won't have to strain or twist to reach.

Does he go to the doctor for any checkups?

Has he got piles? They can make it difficult to wipe properly. Maybe some wet wipes?

Yuck yuck yuck.
I'm afraid it would take more than wiping his bum properly for me to want sex.
He literally expects you to either sleep in or clean up his accidents.
Hardly screams sex appeal.

Oh, and there's definitely an arsehole problem here.

Why not get a WashALoo type toilet lid that can be retro fitted? There are other ones that don’t even need electric for available on Amazon, or indeed even a “bum gun”?

You can tell him it’s for you both to keep clean as you get older.

It is gross, no two ways about it.