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Original poster

Money obsessed date

37 replies

buttercupmeadows · 29/05/2022 15:56

Went out last night on a first date with someone I met at uni. Both mature students. He's 32 and in 25.
Went to a Turkish style cafe, very popular in our town. Not overly fancy, just nice and reasonably priced.
From minute we sat down he started asking the waiter how much is this and how much is that. Things like a lemonade or extra portion of bread with the meal.
Tbh it was embarrassing.
People were looking at us.
Asked if we can share 1 dessert then quibbled at the bill. It was right. Seemed very penny pinching.
After the meal we went for walk and I suggested getting a coffee as it was cold just walking around.
It was only Costa Coffee nowhere flashy, I even offered to pay but no he had to quibble and embarrass me again. In the queue I heard him asking if his coffee would be cheaper without milk and sugar. Seriously.
Then we shared a taxi home as live near each other. The fare was low but he asked the driver if he'd accept a cheque. Who even does that?
Wwyd about seeing him again? I'm not keen as he's money related questions put me off. How do I tell him this politely?

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 29/05/2022 15:57

A cheque? Hmm.

Beamur · 29/05/2022 15:58

Just say that you had a nice time but you don't want to see him again.
You don't have to explain anything. Just a polite no thanks is all you owe him.

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/05/2022 16:01

Tell him that he’s a tight arsed bore.

ApolloandDaphne · 29/05/2022 16:03

Having thought about it I am guessing he had absolutely no money at the moment and wants to use a cheque to delay the payment. Just tell him you don't think you are compatible and then don't see him again.

getoutofheree · 29/05/2022 16:06

That's strange, and a bit funny. I'd have asked him what the deal was, 'you're either very rich or very poor, which is it?'

Come on now, enjoy life! (both you and him)

KangarooKenny · 29/05/2022 16:08

Sounds like he’d suck the joy out of life, so it would be a no from me.

Didimum · 29/05/2022 16:12

Do you know anything about his finances?

LoekMa · 29/05/2022 16:20

Wow. I would have INSISTED on paying my half. Clearly money is an issue for him, whether it is because he is miserly or in dire straits financially, he seems the type to hold it over your head that he paid for you on the date.

I would tell him thanks for evening but there was no chemistry and you dont want to waste his time, then ask him if he has a paypal account so you can wire him your half, then delete his Number

legalseagull · 29/05/2022 16:20

Why did he agree to go on a date if he's that skint?! He should have just done coffee not dinner. I wouldn't see him again. It's so boring when people are obsessed with counting every penny. Either suck it up, or do something cheaper.

Oblomov22 · 29/05/2022 16:22

Yuk. How unattractive. Ditch him.

Riverlee · 29/05/2022 16:23

And this was on the first date?! Definantly not a keeper.

Lou98 · 29/05/2022 16:23

It sounds to me as though he's maybe struggling financially just now and couldn't really afford the date.

If that is the case then he should have been honest about that beforehand or postponed as it does sound a very awkward situation and I'd have felt embarrassed too rightly or wrongly.

If he asks for a second date I would just say something along the lines of you don't feel you were compatible but best of luck for the future or whatever

SunshineAndFizz · 29/05/2022 16:24

A cheque?! There's no coming back from that one haha.

SpeedofaSloth · 29/05/2022 16:31

This would put me off him, if it wasn't strictly out of necessity. I have been in relationships with tight men and it's been a real problem for me, I struggle with the transactional aspect of totting up who owes what, etc.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/05/2022 16:33

You'd be mad to date him again. He has abuser written all over him. If he asks you out again I'd just say no thank you and then I'd block. You don't owe him an explanation.

BalloonsAndWhistles · 29/05/2022 16:54

Sack him off. I went out with a penny pincher once and it was horrid, he’d do a lot of the things you’ve just described. Don’t get me wrong, I love a yellow sticker bargain in the supermarket but there’s a difference between being careful with cash and just being plain mean.

SunThroughTheCloudsAt6am · 29/05/2022 16:55

That would be a no from me.

I had a similar situation years ago - the dude even left out his payslip on the coffee table so I'd know how much he was paid (yes, sounds like I was nosy, but honestly, spotless house, this was definitely left out for me to see - and it's not like I wasn't earning similar myself). He paid me back for a can of coke, and asked for the 6 quid for half a supermarket curry, and for the steaks he cooked one night (while not offering to balance it out for the wine I'd brought)

Some people probably don't mind it. I just can't be doing with that. Sure, I keep a rough tally in my head, to keep it all fair, but I'm not going to calculate it down to the penny - and I'm not going to get along (relationship-wise) with anyone who does

FlippityFlapperty · 29/05/2022 20:34

If he’s that skint he’s asking about reductions for milk and using cheques for basics then he’s irresponsible going out for meals. Him being skint is one thing. Choosing to go out on a date and constantly scrimping about every last penny isn’t. I think if he’s interested in a relationship he should be more transparent - eg ‘my work failed to pay me on time so I’m skint: let’s just go for a coffee’.

If you think that he was nice other than that, you could always say you enjoyed his company but were a bit surprised by how conscious he was of every penny he was spending and that it might not work between you.

SucculentSunshine · 29/05/2022 20:42

This would be a hard no from me. Stingy people are boring and it will be embarrassing when you eventually introduce him to friends and family.

herewithmyfrog · 29/05/2022 22:39

This all sounds almost unbelievable

Overthewine · 29/05/2022 22:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/05/2022 01:16

He could well be skint but in that case he should say "I am sorry but when we made this date it was before my car broke down/my boiler broke/whatever so can we downgrade to a coffee rather than dinner". The fact that he didnt but still quibbled over everything suggests that he is probably very tight as he has been poor in the past and this is second nature.

Throw this one back. But perhaps tell him (in a kind way, well as kind as you can) that you found his meaness very off putting so he will know when the next one, two, three.....dump him.

DontBlameMe79 · 30/05/2022 01:33

This is another made up one to trigger the pearl clutchers. They are easy to spot a mile off. Discounts for milk, cheques… I recommend not engaging ladies.

sammylady37 · 30/05/2022 06:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

I still use a chequebook at times. Have had one since I started working at 22 and I’m 42 now. I don’t often use it, but I do at times. For some contracting work I do, I’m mostly paid by cheque.

maddy68 · 30/05/2022 06:39

Sounds like he is skint. I would have offered to pay for mine I would also have asked him why he was making so much out the money !

It's very unattractive and I wouldn't see him again however I would have asked him if he was skint. You could be missing out on something lovely.

Who even owns a cheque book ?

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