Weight

[Li60]

I’ve posted on here before as my husband has been very derogatory about my weight since I’ve gone from an eating disorder weighing 7.5 stone and a size 6 to a healthy size 12. Tonight he said he thought my trousers were going to explode as my pockets were open !! I mean what the heck !!!! I mean he’s no skinny Malinky himself ! He’s put on a lot of weight but I would never criticise someone on their appearance it’s just not what I’m about.

Well maybe you should.

Point out sth you find unattractive about him - his personality? Not necessarily his weight, although you could obvs.

Wiser Mumsnetters will be along and tell you sth sensible but in the meantime I'd do the above just to make him aware of how he's making you feel. The twat.

If you have a history of ED your H is a danger to your health. Nothing matters more than staying well. I would seriously consider separating from him as no one could possibly think this was anything but harmful to you, yet he said it anyway.

I hardly think it's separation terrain, but is there any reason, OP, why you can't tell him what you have told us? I.e. that you had an ED (does he already know this?) and that this is about the worst thing he could say to you? My XH once said something similar because I was about 7.5 stone instead of 6 stone, and I immediately took up extreme dieting again. He was generally a knob, though, and that was at the lesser end of his knobbishness.

What did people say when you posted before? It sounds awful.

He knows about my exercising and excessive calorie counting to the point he said he’d have me locked up for it!!!!

If taunting a woman with a history of disordered eating about her weight isn't separation territory in your eyes your tolerance level is very high.

He’s put on a lot of weight but I would never criticise someone on their appearance

Perhaps you should start. Next time he's derogatory about your weight perhaps you should mention the fact he's not exactly Adonis! I had a BF once who had a dig at my weight when I was very very slim (fit, 8-10), telling me he didn't want to "shag a fatty"(!), when he was a good 2 stone overweight himself (that he'd put on since we'd been dating too!) Cheeky fucker. My usual kind self left and I replied, "Why not, I am!" Harsh I know, but he started it. Looking back he was an abusive arse in many ways.

Perhaps it is, 5128. I am not sure that the comment in itself warrants binning an entire relationship, but the OP's update does suggest that he's being (even) more of a dick than it appeared in the OP. I still wonder, though, why she can't talk to him and tell him this. I couldn't tell XH because he only ever understood things that directly affected him, so it was like talking to the proverbial brick wall.

Do you not think though that the type of man who would say this sort of thing to his wife ( who even if he doesn't know her history, must surely know whether she was a woman who would be likely to hurt by it) has the emotional intelligence of a brick wall anyway? So nothing you say is likely to get through. They have no empathy, no sensitivity to others feelings and not much care for them either. I'm glad you got away from yours and hope you're happier.

Thanks, 5128 - very kind. Yes, far better off without him!

And yes, the husband here is a dick. I laughed at Candida's post - I'd never say anything like that IRL, but it's the perfect response.

Of course I’ve told him how hurtful his comments are!

What did he say?

Absolutely disgusting of your husband.

He didn’t say much tbh but he carries on with the snide comments

Then this isn't about weight. It's about him not respecting your feelings, and that's a pretty serious offence from a person who's meant to be on your side and supportive in your life.

What's he like otherwise? Is he respectful and supportive of you generally? Kind? Loving?

one minute he’s lovely and the next he’s horrible to be honest

Why do you stay with a man who's horrible to you, OP?

He's a prick. Fat or thin DH loves me. I'm currently very thin due to illness (not an eating disorder) and have a feeding line. He'd give anything for me to be a healthy size twelve. Those comments can be seriously harmful. Please do everything you can to protect yourself from slipping back.

Sounds like the cycle of abuse. No one would stay if they were nasty all the time.

Op he liked you better when you were suffering. Im betting now you are doing much better, you are feeling happier and more confident. And he hates that. He doesn't want you to loce yourself or be happy in your own skin. Because bullies don't want them victim to be happy.

He is not your partner, he is a bully who means you harm.

Absolutely get as far away from anyone like they ad possible. Don't let them drag you back into their dark pitt.

Congratulations on your health improvements, you should be so proud of all your hard work. Protect yourself from ahuone who implies otherwise. They do not have your best interests at heart and they certainly do not love you.

So leave

This is the same husband who lies to you, is addicted to TikTok, didn’t do anything for your 40th, doesn’t have sex with you (and blamed this on your lack of sexy lingerie)?

He sounds like a real catch. Why are you tolerating all of this? You seem incredibly passive in all of these posts. You have agency in your life, you can stop accepting this sort of treatment.

Why do you tolerate so much from him? The Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde act is designed to throw you off balance and keep you off kilter, not knowing what he’ll do next. Classic abusive behaviour. Again, why are you with him? Have you considered leaving? If so, what is stopping you?

This recently happened:

So I bought a few summer dresses online. I showed them to hubby who says, you’re not a size 8 anymore are you going to feel comfortable wearing those? My heart just fell to the ground silly I know but it was really hurtful. For the record I’m a size 10-12 and happy with my weight, after years of restrictive eating and running 50-60 k a week. The dresses are beautiful nothing shortish, bright colours very flattering fit.

He's an arsehole who could sabotage your recovery from an eating disorder.

I think you have some big decisions to make.

You should be so proud of yourself for your recovery.

Don't let someone else set you back. Which he very likely will do if this continues

The man who you are with should idolise you for who you are. Not just your body shape, but your mind too.
I struggle with wishing for my size 12 body, but my bf can't sing praises highly enough about my curves. Your other half isn't praising your body and he should be.
Sadly the question is, if he's unhappy that you're a healthy weight, but is putting you down, should you really be with your husband?

"Why not, i am" This is such an excellent reply . I often think back to boyfriends who have put me down and wish id said something like this!