Looking for some advice as we are at a complete impasse at the moment and feels pretty rubbish as it feels either way one of us is going to be miserable and I quite genuinely can't work out what's best for the kids as if I knew that I'd do whatever that is... apologies for the length of this...
We are a family of 5 - we have lived where we are for the last 6 years & have 1 primary and 2 pre school age kids.
We currently live in a lovely village, not far from my family (40mins drive). It's safe, it's friendly, we don't have to lock our door etc, pretty idyllic really. Kids have developed friendships and so have I. Eldest goes to the village school that has its failings, but overall it's good, and little ones go to a lovely nursery not far away that I trust and are developing great friendships. People in the village and areas around are my friends, some of them are now really good friends.
My family are not helpful when it comes to childcare as they are too old tbh, but we see them every couple of weeks and it's nice for kids to see their grandparents & vice versa.
There are loads of activities that my eldest does that they are v lucky to get to do, and wouldn't necessarily be able to do elsewhere. We have a lovely house, big space & garden which would benefit from some work, but doesn't actually need any really. If we were staying though, I'd do the work for us to enjoy the house more.
I work part time (school hours) in a job that can be done anywhere, husband works for himself in a skilled profession BUT it's not been going so well the last few years as he works long hours for less that he's worth due to the nature of what he can do as one person and it's getting him down as he's v capable and should be earning a lot more than he is. I get this, I do.
He is saying that he needs to get a job, and I agree. BUT then he doesn't want to get a full time one as there is a family business that he's likely to inherit at some point in the next 5ish years, (maybe sooner as it will be whenever his elderly father admits it's too much for him and that's v much a moving thing).
We are lucky that we have savings that are a cushion if we need it, but basically something has to change work wise as can't go on like this forever, as he's finding his work demoralising and we need to do more than just break even each month (and with fuel prices increasing we won't breaking even come winter).
SO my answer to this is that one of us gets a better paid job. There are some available for what we both do in the cities we are commuting distance to. I have said I could do this, with DH taking charge of childcare and working part time instead of me, but DH pride was v dented by this idea, and if I'm honest it's not the way round I'd want it, but someone has to!
My DH answer is that he wants to move somewhere approx 400miles away (still the uk) from here, to where he grew up. His father and rest of his family are no longer there (they have moved approx 200miles away in different direction) - but it's where he feels is 'home' 
. He feels that there is likely more work there (which is possible but not a given) and that it's closer to where he needs to be for the family business - while technically it's closer to the places he'd need to visit as part of the business, he wouldn't be visiting these places every week by any means and can do the actual work anywhere. It would mean though when the time comes to take it over, it will require less (occasional) commuting time from him. I think though that the family business thing is a red herring in many ways, as I think he just doesn't want to live in this part of the uk anymore.
My problem is that we (the kids and me) have a life here. I'd be perfectly happy to live here forever, I just want to put down roots and settle and not feel like the rug is about to be pulled from under me. I feel like DH hasn't really tried to settle here, he's never really socialised with many people etc, but maybe that's a man thing. DH thinks that he can't be happy here, and thinks practically he should be where he grew up as 'he knows it', but he hasn't lived there for 20 years. The family business thing wouldn't require him to work full time on it even when he does inherit it.
Either way he needs another job and there are ones available in the cities nearest us, I know, I've checked, but he's not applying for them as he doesn't want to be tied here. But then he's not applying for other jobs near where he grew up either. He's not showing me houses, researching schools etc, all the things that need to be done before moving 100s of miles. But I don't want to move, so I'm not doing it for him...
What do I do? I'm so tired of our life being on hold cause he doesn't like the current situation, but he's unable to show me how things will be so much better if we move. He's never once sent me a house listing to show me what we could get or anything like that. But anytime we talk about senior school for our eldest he says things like 'well I don't really want them to go there'. It all just feels a bit depressing. He doesn't want to be here anymore, but I don't want to move. I don't know anyone where he grew up - and it's not like he has lots of people he knows still there, there are maybe 2 acquaintances and they have their own lives. I know if we move it will be down to me to find new friends etc, but I feel like I'm too old now to go through all that again.
I love him, I do, but it's got to a point where I'm wondering whether we are just incompatible as we want such different things, I've told him if he wants me on board with moving he needs to sell it to me, but all I hear is why he's sad here, not real concrete reasons why he will be much happier there, just kind of existential stuff.
How do we navigate this?
If you've read this far, thanks, sorry it's so long!