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Original poster

Relationship and old dog issue. Advice and help troubleshooting needed pls

50 replies

Vibing · 25/05/2022 08:15

Hi
Recently messaged about step children and how to navigate tension when teenagers and DP are at loggerheads.
It opened up conversation between us and we have a plan going forward. The dialogue has led onto my two dogs. One is now 14 and the other 13. The 14 year old is at the weeing inside stage. Just the kitchen....we use dog pads, frequent short walks etc.
DP last said how much he's resenting them as the mess, smell....and he's conscious for his kids to be around it. I think he was letting off steam and said a few things that came out harsher than he meant. Think this has been bottled up for a little while. He wasn't solution focused

The reality is my lovely dogs are prob going to be here for another couple years.

Any advice?
I might post something in pet corner too for dog incontinence. I dont know just feel a bit lost this morning. As what do I do with that information. Leave. Do we live in two seperate houses until they've passed. I think id resent him then.

Hes a good man. Can be a knobhead but a great guy too. This morning he's not my favourite person though but love him.

OP posts:
EinsteinaGogo · 25/05/2022 08:17

Oh god, OP.

What a nightmare.

What the hell does he think you should do? Euthanise them? Dump them?

I presume you really love your dogs. They should be loved and cherished even more at this stage of life.

I don't envy you. How bloody dare he.

OnaBegonia · 25/05/2022 08:18

Hope he realises he'll be old one day, will it be ok for you to resent him?
If he doesn't like it he knows where the door is, I wouldn't tolerate anyone being resentful of my dogs, old age is where they need your love and support even more, he doesn't sound a kind person.

EinsteinaGogo · 25/05/2022 08:18

PS - great guys who 'can be a nobhead' aren't really great guys at all, in my book.

Inthesameboatatmo · 25/05/2022 08:26

Oh god that would be it for me I'm afraid op. My children and my 2 dogs and 3 cats come first I'm afraid. That shows exactly the type of person he really is deep down.

CleverSausages · 25/05/2022 08:29

Yeah he's really not a 'great guy'

CrotchetyQuaver · 25/05/2022 08:34

So basically he wants you to PTS the old dogs because they're old and getting frailer?

Hmm. I actually think this is one of those things that really shows the character of a man.

I guess he doesn't like dogs much? Proceed with caution and whatever you do, don't get rid of the dogs.

KILM · 25/05/2022 08:34

He's resentful of two elderly vulnerable dogs that are part of your family.... he should be concerned for them not worrying about teenagers not liking the occasional bad smell. Also if he's 'occasionally a nobhead' you know there are plenty of blokes out there who arent occasionally a nobhead right? Maybe occasionally a bit grumpy or irritating like we all are but nobhead is quite specific.

Watchkeys · 25/05/2022 08:43

Has he told you what he wants you to do? If he's said he wants you to kill your dogs, how can you say he's a great guy? If not, what is it that he wants you to do? Have you asked him what his preference is? He's the one having the problem. He's got it off his chest; now he can be solution focussed.

Juniper68 · 25/05/2022 08:49

Dump him.
I have an old dog who we recently almost PTS. He was incontinent but also miserable and struggling. He actually picked up. I'm giving him regular pain relief and home cooking his food. No way would I have him euthanised yet. You know when it's time.
The only thing I'd be killing was this relationship.

Fenella123 · 25/05/2022 09:08

Regardless of the relationship you can get dog nappies. Great for just ratcheting down the stress levels a bit. Worth a go.

Ragwort · 25/05/2022 09:11

Do you currently live together?

If he really feels uncomfortable around the dogs then you should live separately.

Seaoftroubles · 25/05/2022 09:13

Your partner sounds lacking in empathy. l would certainly not be pressured into having your elderly dogs put to sleep because he finds them a nuisance! On a practical note have both dogs health checked at the vets just to see if any medication can help the incontinence. The kids are teens not toddlers so they are not going to be adversely affected by a bit if wee, plus a valuable lesson for them to learn about care and responsibility towards older pets.

altmember · 25/05/2022 09:19

I couldn't live with incontinent dogs in the house either. Do you have a utility room or garage where they could sleep?

huuskymam · 25/05/2022 09:27

My dog is 14 and just started peeing indoors. It can be cleaned, the smell can be neutralised. If my dh suggested putting her to sleep cause of a bit of pee, he'd be gone. She's been part of our family since she was 4 months old and these things happen as dogs get older.

Only4You · 25/05/2022 09:27

I'm at loss as to the relation betwene his teenage dcs and your dogs?

Is he saying that somehow the struggles between him and his nw dcs is linked to the dogs being old and incontinent?

GlitteryGreen · 25/05/2022 10:21

This is horrible, age comes to all pets and they deserve just as much love and compassion as ever. There is nothing you can do, it's just one of those things.

Presumably the mess is being cleaned up so not sure why he'd be 'worried' about his teenagers being around it - if anything they are very capable of cleaning it up themselves if it happens on their watch.

I would hate to hear this from my partner.

GalactiCat · 25/05/2022 10:25

Vet Nurse here. Go to the vets and get incurin, it's an incontinence medication.
And yes, he's not such a great partner if he resents your oldies.

OldWivesTale · 25/05/2022 10:53

Could you live separately? That way, no step children issues and your poor dogs can live their last years in peace. Your dp sounds like a dick, to be honest.

Cavviesarethebest · 25/05/2022 10:55

He’s told you who he is.

peoples attitudes to dogs is an excellent test of character I have found

if you became I’ll he’s just told you how he’d respond

mumto2teenagers · 25/05/2022 10:57

As a dog lover and owner this would be a deal breaker for me and I would seriously be considering whether we had a future.

EufyProsser · 25/05/2022 10:59

I have DSC and the state they regularly leave the bathroom in is considerably worse than the occasional emergency wee my elderly dog ever did inside. I haven't yet asked DH to have them put to sleep.

StarDolphins · 25/05/2022 11:04

Ahh how sad! Age comes to us all & your dog has given many years of love to you & is dependent on you now it’s in old age - what does he want you to do, PTS? I just couldn’t do it! What will happen when you’re old?🤨

SoupDragon · 25/05/2022 11:09

All he said was that he resents them for the mess and the smell. He didn't suggest taking them out and euthanising them. You're allowed to resent things and still do all the necessary stuff to live with them.

Watchkeys · 25/05/2022 11:15

SoupDragon · 25/05/2022 11:09

All he said was that he resents them for the mess and the smell. He didn't suggest taking them out and euthanising them. You're allowed to resent things and still do all the necessary stuff to live with them.

The resentment is the problem. Not liking the mess and smell is one thing, but resenting the dog(s) for it makes it personal, as if they're responsible for it.

Of course we're all allowed to resent things, but everyone else is also allowed to feel that the resentment doesn't fit with them. If my partner resented me playing the piano, for example, she would be perfectly entitled to feel that way, but I couldn't continue to have a happy relationship with her.

He's not doing anything wrong, he's just doing a thing that makes him incompatible with the circumstances.

I think he was letting off steam and said a few things that came out harsher than he meant

@Vibing What does this mean? It looks like a glossy way to hide a multitude of things? What did he actually say? How did he say it?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 25/05/2022 11:22

My cats always come first, My 20 year old lovely girl now RIP used to crap under the sofa everyday for the last few years of her life so the aquavac would come out when I got home from work and I'd put puppy pads there to catch the worst of it but I really loved her and she needed me. If anyone suggested she go that would be the end for me, I would have been off to live separately.