Hey everyone, lovely to meet you all, first time poster here.
I'm 41, came out of a 6 year rship several months ago; ended because we were sexually incompatible and didnt have sex for last 4 years of our r'ship (wonderful, caring, kind, loving man - but wasn't into sex/had performance issues).
10 months ago, i started a new job working in very close proximity to my work colleague. He's 36, single, not married, no kids.
I never looked at him in that light when i met him, as he wasn't my usual type. When i met him he was single, then met someone after a few months. He used to give me the odd lift to the station and text me on my bday/christmas - but didn't look into it or anything.
Several weeks ago he was on holiday with his friend and i was covering him at work; he sent me photos of the scenery where he was and asked how i was getting on in his absence/any news work front (he runs the job we are both on).
Fast forward a week later (6 weeks ago); his rship ended after 6 months. She ended it i believe, but was amicable discussion. She had 2 kids so don't know if they played a part but..
Anyway, conveniently around the same time, he did show interest by texting me to make sure i got home ok (after dropping me off at the station), and wishing me a good weekend. Then it progressed to 'if you're bored later', i.e. if i wanted to chat in the night time (which we'd never done before). I said i didn't want to cross that line and he apologised. I don't recall the turning point but anyway, things became a little flirty (cheeky, not sexual). God knows how I suddenly started to see him in a new, attractive light, but i did.
The texts became more frequent - he was always the pursuer, not me. I made it clear i wanted to regain some control over the situation by allowing me to do the chasing - i.e. i'll text him maybe once through the week and weekends is ok. It was lovely being pursued but i wanted to be in control - emotionally aswell.
He would continue to drop me off at the station after work (this isn't everyday - just couple of times a week, as I WFH 3 days a week). Again, he'd text me asking if i got home ok and texts became more frequent after i got home from work.
When it became clear that a strong chemistry had developed, we did speak about expectations. I said i didn't want a relationship (been in them most of my life), prob more of a FWB thing - a term he said he doesn't normally like to use, but understood the situation.
One day when he dropped me off at the station, about 6 weeks ago now, he went in for a kiss and it was amazing. We did briefly talk about the fact he'd only just come out of a rship and i didnt want to be seen as some sort of rebound; he said he didn't see it like that.
Anyway, for last 6 weeks it's just become more intense - like, him texting me every day of an evening. I love it, don't get me wrong, but subsequently, i have become emotionally involved with him. I've began to fall (but not in love), because he has given me that impression he is interested in not just sex. For exaxmple, texts like 'see you tomorrow beautiful'; 'i would make love to you'; 'you're funny, intelligent, have a big heart'; and things like 'i just want sex with you'; 'i want you to be just mine'; 'id be happy to just spoon/cuddle'. etc. Also, he'd send photos of the meal he had, if he went to a restaurant, or photos of ceramics he made at his weekly ceramics club, photos of him in his friends garden where he was helping them dig up some soil, photos of his group of friends showing them all at a Eurovision party (i'm a massive Eurovision fan). So you can see how these texts/photos are giving me a different impression to that of it just being about sex....
In a different conversation more recentl, we spoke about what type of rship would we have - if not a conventional normal one - (because i didn't want a 'normal' rship'. So i said something like 'not living together, not text everyday, no rship obligations you typically have' etc. He followed this up with 'so would we hold hands... go for lunch...'. We did arrange to meet up actually, at his, because a few weeks earlier he said 'i know this is random but would you like to meet for lunch? or we could go for walk, i could pick you up. Just platonic'. I didn't take him up on it at the time, but asked him few weeks later (last weekend) if he were up for it, and he said he was. In the end it was cancelled, as we both agreed that it would just lead to sex in the end.
As for sex - i said i wouldn't sleep with him until we no longer work together. I'm due to move onto a different job in 4 weeks, and he respects and understands that. He said he's not interested in Tinder and is happy to wait. Things have become more intense because we have become sexually intimate (no oral, just touching). The chemistry is insane.
What really fcked with me head was last Friday. So, he gave me a lift to the station again, but much closer to home ( i work 50 miles away, so he drove me 25 miles closer to a station) - he lives 120 miles away. We became super passionate in the car as the rain poured down and anyway, i left to grab the train. He text me saying he got home ok and we continued to text throughout the night. Texts got more sexually heated and at one point he was talking about kissing me passionately whilst we made love. But this is where it really fcked with my head. So he continues this conversation by saying he'd kiss my neck...spoon me....and then he said 'I'd whisper in your ear........ I love you Sophia'.
It thew me. Naturally. I know he didn't mean it. Imemdiately i shot him down and said 'Dont say things like that. They're strong words which shouldn't be used lightly. Especially when i'm trying to be emotionally resilient'. He apologised and backtracked saying 'im sorry i meant id love to make love to you'. Didn't wash. We moved on from that, but i felt a little angry he'd make a throw away comment like that, especially when i am emotionally involved with him now. We ended the convo about 1am, where he accidently nodded off. The last text i sent him was in response to what sort of long term rship set up would i see us having. Woke up next morning (Saturday gone) to a string of texts saying 'Morning... sorry i nodded off.... interesting dynamic for a rship you mentioned....would we hold hands? Go for lunch? Then have passionate sex'.
So yeh, my head's a bit f*cked. I thought i could do the whole FWB thing but know I can't now. Thankfully i haven't slept with him, nor done oral or anything.
Over the weekend it was pretty quiet, but we text alot last night - but it was chiefly just sexual. Very sexual stuff, photos etc. To the point i felt put off. Why? Because he went from being this guy on Friday night, who came across like he was in love with me, to just very transactional.
What the hell am i supposed to take from these texts where he's sending me photos of what he's up to, photos of his friends, asking if i got home ok, saying he wants to make love to me/or just wants to cuddle, texts saying he just wants sex with me and doesn't want to share me either.
Eugh, i totally see this as a rebound sitatuation but saying/doing those things in the aforementioned paragraph is giving me mixed signals.
Any insight would be appreciated, thank you :)