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Original poster

Sharing money!

26 replies

usernamexxx86 · 20/05/2022 23:19

Do you and your OH share all money?

I ask this because... long term relationship, 2DC, I work part time due to childcare and partner works full time earning over 4 x my wage. However he puts about a third of his wage into the joint account and saves the rest in an individual account.

AIBU to be think both of our salaries should go to the joint account?

OP posts:
Zemw · 20/05/2022 23:52

I'd go to work full time. Pay for child care.

He's selfish.

Sbqprules · 21/05/2022 00:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

BreadAndWater · 21/05/2022 00:06

Is he the childrens father?

Dazedandconfused10 · 21/05/2022 00:09

Never. My money is my money. I earned that. But then, I've never been with a man who is willing to contribute to bills, and has sponged off me keeping a roof over my head as a priority. If I was to live with someone again everything is 50/50 regardless of a difference in income.

GrumpyPanda · 21/05/2022 00:10

Completely unfair. At a minimum, bill him for childcare.

Tothepoint99 · 21/05/2022 00:21

Add up the wages to make X eg £100,000. Then divide by 2. Eg £50,000. If you earn 20,000 and he, 80,000 (4x) he pays you 50,000 minus 20,000 to make it even. Then you each put the same amount in a bills account and spend the rest as you see fit.

If he refuses, you bill him more for childcare.

If he refuses that, LTB!!!

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 21/05/2022 00:27

Yea, he’s taking the piss. My husband earned double my salary for around ten years and both of our wages went into the joint account. He gets to save while you work part time, that’s CF.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 21/05/2022 01:03

usernamexxx86 · 20/05/2022 23:19

Do you and your OH share all money?

I ask this because... long term relationship, 2DC, I work part time due to childcare and partner works full time earning over 4 x my wage. However he puts about a third of his wage into the joint account and saves the rest in an individual account.

AIBU to be think both of our salaries should go to the joint account?

It depends. There is no one “right” solution it comes down to what works for the two of you.

We don’t put all,of our money into a lot, we each put enough into the joint account to cover everything the family needs, and the rest we each take care of ourselves. It’s what makes us happy. We know that now we have children that if we ever split it’d likely be apportioned 50:50 between us, but we like making our own choices about investments at the moment, and ai like not having to have a discussion about “our” money if I want a new car.

Do you live together, have children with each other, and are you married? Each of these probably makes it a bit more normal or expected to pool resources, but nine makes them the right thing. If it’s a child of both of you who you are looking after then, in my opinion, you need to make sure that you and he do end up with the same amount of disposable income, and that he’s putting enough into the joint account to cover all of the household expenses.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 21/05/2022 01:04

GrumpyPanda · 21/05/2022 00:10

Completely unfair. At a minimum, bill him for childcare.

Doesn’t that rather depend if the children are his or not?

Original poster
usernamexxx86 · 21/05/2022 01:19

Children are his
We live together with a joint mortgage

OP posts:
SlightlyGeordieJohn · 21/05/2022 01:23

usernamexxx86 · 21/05/2022 01:19

Children are his
We live together with a joint mortgage

Then in my view, it’s reasonable for the two of you to bring most of the money together. He needs to ensure that you have enough each to live as you both want, and enough for the children. You should not be getting “pocket money”, and he shouldn’t be keeping control of most of the money.

silentpool · 21/05/2022 02:31

Are you married? If not, he no doubt wants to keep his money separate in case the relationship fails and then he owes you nothing.

Please look after your own interests here as you are putting yourself into a very vulnerable situation . Are you paying into a pension? Can you go back to work full time?

Andromachehadabadday · 21/05/2022 02:59

Why do people say ‘bill him for child care’, he response would be to just bill her for the extra he has paid into the household.

Op how much of the household bills does 1/3 of his wage cover?

I wouldn’t be sharing my entire wage with someone I am not married to. But then I think the fact that you have kids complicates it. But legally, you haven’t taken the step to share finances. It’s really not easy to say ‘it must work this way’

Ragwort · 21/05/2022 03:17

This is exactly the sort of thing that should be agreed BEFORE you live together and have DC together ... but that's obviously too late for you now.

My DH and I have had a joint account since the day we married ... we have no concept of 'who earns the most'. I was a SAHM for many years but I've always had full and equal access to our joint account. But that's what works for us and I appreciate it won't work for everyone. It helps that we have broadly similar values around financial matters - money is the one thing we never argue about.

Rainbowqueeen · 21/05/2022 03:58

Go back to work full time. He is looking after his own interests. You need to look after yours.

He can cover the additional childcare for the same number of years that you have been covering it by working part time

Ponderingwindow · 21/05/2022 04:09

Yes we share all money.

if you share children and are working part time to facilitate caring for those children and he isn’t sharing his earnings, he is essentially stealing from you.

the second children enter the equation, your earning power is impacted. Even if you work full-time, it is the incredibly rare marriage/partnership where the mother does not do more of the caregiving and take on more of the mental load of raising children. This is true even if she is the higher earner.

Most couples deal with this inequality by pooling money. If you keep finances separate, he needs to pay you for your child care services and compensate you for your lost income.

Tamzo85 · 21/05/2022 04:21

It’s fine for you to both have your own seperate spending money, it’s how that is divided that matters. So do you keep your wage mostly for yourself why he pays for essentials plus his spending money - or do you put all yours into “family money” and he doesn’t because he earns more so he keeps more?

It also depends on how you think of your work situation. Is this long term part time and unlikely to increase? In this case he also needs to think of you having more spending money as well if not then he doesn’t.

If his wage is paying for most everything then it isn’t unfair for him to keep spending money for himself at all. If you weren’t working you could ask for the same as an allowance (or make up some other name as I know that bother Mumsnet). If the reality is that your wage isn’t paying for that much you could possibly do something like this, however if you are planning on increasing working this isn’t going to work.

Of course this is all dependant on the children being yours together, if they’re not none of it applies.

Vijia · 21/05/2022 04:27

What?!?!? You work part time to look after his DC?!?!? While he gets to save in childcare and home maintenance, so effectively you are the free cleaner, childminder, nanny, cook, gardener and taxi service while he laughs all the way to the bank knowing that your services are as a volunteer so that he can kick you out without paying you a penny for all your efforts and hard work?!?!?

Honestly op do you not see how selfish he is being?! The good thing is, he is providing his DC with everything they need and so they will benefit from his assets. You are just facilitating this process and it's win win for him and his DC to find a lovely selfless mug like you.

autienotnaughty · 21/05/2022 04:31

My dh earns more than me. We pay the same % of our wage into a joint account so we both end up with same left eg -

Dh earns £3000
I earn £1000
Bills = £3000 pm
Dh pats £2500
I pay £500
Both have £500 left

Dh has a fancy spread sheet that calculates this. Sometimes if I've paid a larger bill on my cc. Dh will need to transfer me money to make us even.

MoodyTwo · 21/05/2022 05:53

All money goes into the joint
We move £600 per month to joint savings (for building work and white goods)
We then move £100 per month to our personal savings (this is generally a back up to the above)
I have a save the change account for DH birthday present and he has a little account for mine (just so we don't see the transactions go out)

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 21/05/2022 10:14

autienotnaughty · 21/05/2022 04:31

My dh earns more than me. We pay the same % of our wage into a joint account so we both end up with same left eg -

Dh earns £3000
I earn £1000
Bills = £3000 pm
Dh pats £2500
I pay £500
Both have £500 left

Dh has a fancy spread sheet that calculates this. Sometimes if I've paid a larger bill on my cc. Dh will need to transfer me money to make us even.

That’s not both putting in the same percentage. He’s putting 83% of his wage in, you’re putting in 50% of yours.

autienotnaughty · 21/05/2022 13:05

@SlightlyGeordieJohn yes your right that should say so we have the same percentage left.

autienotnaughty · 21/05/2022 13:05

@SlightlyGeordieJohn great maths by the way

Lolapusht · 21/05/2022 13:35

Married with DC. Everything shared 100%. DH earns x10 what I do. I work PT and do majority of childcare/house stuff. Who pays for children/house things? If you’re paying for the majority of child expenses then that’s not fair.

HairyScaryMonster · 21/05/2022 13:43

We pool everything, then money into savings, and individual accounts for personal spends.

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