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Original poster

Old love rekindled- messy& confusing. Help.

37 replies

mamapart · 20/05/2022 21:42

So I've this guy for 10 years. We used to date when we was young, we lost contact and rekindled josh after I had my daughter. (Now 5) it led no where. Recently we've just got back in contact. He's just got out of a 6 year relationship on which the last year, he was cheated on abs basically the whole thing was hell for him abs he's disconnected in all ways possible. There situation is messy rn with two kids separated from Eachother. As she had left there home

When we met again, the connection was there instantly, everything felt right we spent 6 hours talking about everything . We spent the weekend together and he suggested moving in. I agreed. He told his son I told my daughter. He then later was saying it was too fast, kept making comments about going to his mums as he'd see me all the time anyway. I don't think this is fair on the children. I've now found out I could possibly be pregnant. An it may not be his, he said if it's someone else he will leave. But we wouldn't know until the babies born. We know each other so we'll, we know each others family's, we are so right for each other, but is this destined for failure. Slowing down as he said it's too fast is right but i feel he should have thought about that before us telling our children (5&3) and me getting comfortable and used to it. He does a lot abs is a really bad guy. I just don't want to sabotage.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 20/05/2022 21:49

So, twice this relationship hasn't worked out, but after 6 hours and a weekend he's moving in?? Now he thinks it's moving too fast ( it is) but what makes you think it would work now when it hasn't before?

Moser85 · 20/05/2022 21:51

The kids will be fine, how long has it been since he moved in, surely only days? weeks?

If you don't even know if you're going to stay together as you have to wait for the baby to be born then it is 100% the wrong thing to do to stay living together.

Crimeismymiddlename · 20/05/2022 21:53

Grow up op. Why on earth you thought this would work. Arranging to move in after a weekend and telling the children, you now claim his reluctance is unfair on the children. What rot. Also, it is quite possible he was just lining up a temporary place to live just in case.

ElenaSt · 20/05/2022 21:56

This is more than a mess it's entered Jeremy Kyle territory!

You had a spark with him and moved in together after a six hour chat!

Utter madness!

It wasn't meant to be the first time or the second and now the third is destined for disaster.

Please put your children first.

Original poster
mamapart · 21/05/2022 09:46

I do understand it's very fast. But he was Sure it was what he wanted. he told his son. So I told my daughter.they've gotten used to it. I was looking after his soon all day everyday whilst he worked and daughter was in school. And now he's changed his mind, Gone to his mums and is saying he needs time and wants to sort out things the next couple of days, but is being very distant and changing his mind about stuff every 2 minutes @DelphiniumBlue @Moser85 @Crimeismymiddlename @ElenaSt

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 21/05/2022 10:02

You don't need mumsnet you need Jeremy Kyle. This is an absolutely unacceptable position for you as a mother to put your children in. Stop thinking with your crotch and start to be a mother. So you could be pregnant? Why would you even tell him that. Surely anyone with sense would want until a positive test. Let alone telling him he may not even be the father. You love the drama of it all but children don't need drama they need stability. I can see it all now. Like some episode of jaywick by the sea. Grow up for your sake and the kids sake.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/05/2022 17:30

I do understand it's very fast. But he was Sure it was what he wanted

It's what his dick wanted. Never trust any decision about a relationship that's made within the first 48 hours after the first (or reunion) shag. Neither of you were thinking with your big brains.

Get a pregnancy test as a priority and an STI test too as it sounds like you've had unprotected sex with more than one partner. If you're able to work out how pregnant you are would that give you a definite father?

Tbh it sounds like he's going to be out the door anyway so I'd consider your options carefully if you are pregnant.

Overthewine · 21/05/2022 17:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

heldinadream · 21/05/2022 17:40

You rekindled just after your five year old was born and NOW he's just out of a six year relationship? You rekindled while he was a year into this other relationship then, right?
Terrible. Terrible all round. Just drop it.

Original poster
mamapart · 21/05/2022 21:59

I done a test but it's unclear? It's to early to test again right now. Just got some symptoms. He is still avoiding and being withdrawn. Taking hours and hours to reply to me. It's ridiculous. He says he is coming over tomorrow to discuss stuff. However I feel bad now as I have really been on his case, to discuss the next step as my daughter has been upset and asking for him and his son all day and he hasn't been clear.

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 21/05/2022 23:00

Put your daughter first and get out of this relationship. The poor child doesn't know what the hell is going on. You should be ashamed of the way you are carrying on. I have no sympathy at all .

LilythePunk · 21/05/2022 23:15

I feel sorry for your child. You need to sort yourself out and have some sense of responsibility.

ValerieCupcake · 21/05/2022 23:23

mamapart · 20/05/2022 21:42

So I've this guy for 10 years. We used to date when we was young, we lost contact and rekindled josh after I had my daughter. (Now 5) it led no where. Recently we've just got back in contact. He's just got out of a 6 year relationship on which the last year, he was cheated on abs basically the whole thing was hell for him abs he's disconnected in all ways possible. There situation is messy rn with two kids separated from Eachother. As she had left there home

When we met again, the connection was there instantly, everything felt right we spent 6 hours talking about everything . We spent the weekend together and he suggested moving in. I agreed. He told his son I told my daughter. He then later was saying it was too fast, kept making comments about going to his mums as he'd see me all the time anyway. I don't think this is fair on the children. I've now found out I could possibly be pregnant. An it may not be his, he said if it's someone else he will leave. But we wouldn't know until the babies born. We know each other so we'll, we know each others family's, we are so right for each other, but is this destined for failure. Slowing down as he said it's too fast is right but i feel he should have thought about that before us telling our children (5&3) and me getting comfortable and used to it. He does a lot abs is a really bad guy. I just don't want to sabotage.

Who is Josh?

Original poster
mamapart · 21/05/2022 23:27

@ValerieCupcake meant just*

Also, in no way shape or form, would I have done this, knowing it would lead to this, I put my daughter first, always. However one rash decision, with a guy who I and my family have known for over ten years, and knowing his family- and it's become messy.He Has always been straight up and stuck to what was said, but this is a joke. I will sort it for my daughters sake

OP posts:
RoyKentsChestHair · 21/05/2022 23:48

Take a step back from this whole mess. The fact that he’s using you for free childcare and potentially wants to become a cocklodger in your home is absolutely NOT in the best interests of either your or his children.

Sort out your contraception, as sleeping with more than one man without protection is not only irresponsible for any children arising, but also dangerous for your own sexual health.

Concentrate on building a happy life for you and your DD (plus the new child) and put relationships to one side for now. This isn’t a good one.

wellhelloitsme · 22/05/2022 00:46

When we met again, the connection was there instantly, everything felt right we spent 6 hours talking about everything . We spent the weekend together and he suggested moving in. I agreed.

You haven't always put your daughter first then.

This was a ridiculous, selfish and irresponsible bit of parenting from you and him both.

NotaCoolMum · 22/05/2022 01:45

Oh dear lord 🙄🙄

TomatoorChips · 22/05/2022 02:03

Poor poor children

cutebutscary · 22/05/2022 02:38

I think he's done with you already to be honest . Pregnant or not, I'm afraid . Stop texting and wait and see when he contacts you next. It will give you a true indication of how he feels. At the moment it sounds like you are nothing more than an annoyance he regrets .

CheekyHobson · 22/05/2022 04:06

Probably a bit obvious saying this now, but despite the length of time you keep saying you've 'known' him, it's clear you don't actually know him very well.

This is an important thing to pay attention to. You've made serious decisions entirely on feelings, not on the cold facts of reality. Judging by the timeline, he was already in a relationship last time you 'reconnected'... so why would it have gone anywhere then?! There was a lesson to be learned there about his trustworthiness, but you didn't learn it.

You need to take a very long hard look at your own choices. If you have this baby, be 100 percent prepared to raise it yourself as there's no way this man is going to stick around to help or pay a cent if he can avoid it.

CJsGoldfish · 22/05/2022 04:15

I put my daughter first, always
Well clearly that's not true.
None of your actions, including having unprotected sex with different men ( let me be clear that it is the UNPROTECTED part that is the issue) indicate that you put your daughter first. Moving a man in after 5 minutes? None of it is putting your daughter first.
Are you going to start to OP?

LilythePunk · 22/05/2022 05:38

When you’re having unprotected sex with men where is your daughter? Hopefully not in the same house.

UserError012345 · 22/05/2022 05:40

Oh my days. What a mess.

Andromachehadabadday · 22/05/2022 05:49

You don’t know him. You have had spats of brief contact over 10 years.

Neither of you out your children first. At all. It appears one of your periods of contact was when he was with someone else.

You were also sleeping with someone else in the middle of this shit show.

How is moving a man you barely know, putting her first? How is letting someone you barely know look after your child all day, putting the child first.

I hope this is a troll or a reverse or something. You are both ridiculous. That’s why there’s so much drama.

stepuporshutup · 22/05/2022 06:07

So he had an affair with you when he was in a relationship is that right because you said you rekindled just after your daughter was born,
And he has just come out of a 6 year relationship which means he must have cheated?

It does seem a bit of a mess already maybe as pp have said put your children first because he does not know what he wants

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