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Original poster

How to deal with this dating issue with my dignity

43 replies

userhjf67 · 17/05/2022 15:11

So had a few dates, going well, communication great, lots of phone call, banter etc.

Saturday we had sex, to be honestly it wasn't great he didn't last even a minute (either time) but no big deal was made of it we had a good time I stayed the night

Since then we're in contact but literally he will send me good morning, I responded snd he will leave the message unread (despite going on line throughout the day for anything up to 8 hours then I will get a reply then a text in evening saying goodnight, all communication and banter has gone, he is either doing the slow fade or keeping me on back burner

How to I deal with my dignity?

Do I literally just stop responding all together or send s text saying something like " your obviously have lots going on so give me a shout if you want to grab s drink at some point?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 17/05/2022 15:16

Oh God no don't send that message! I'm really sorry but he has got what he wanted and now he's moving on. Some other lucky woman will now benefit from the quickest shag in history.

Alovelydayatlast · 17/05/2022 15:20

Don't you deserve better than a 1 minute wonder? Could be why he isn't appearing keen. It really isn't you op..

KettrickenSmiled · 17/05/2022 15:21

Do I literally just stop responding all together or send s text saying something like " your obviously have lots going on so give me a shout if you want to grab s drink at some point?

WHAT?
Why would you ever want to see Mr Selfish In Bed ever, ever again?

You had me at "dignity" btw. I am fully Team OP.
But sending a pleading message to a man who has spo very obviously got his leg over & now wishing to exit .... HAVE A WORD WITH YOURSELF! That is not what dignity looks like!

If you want to salvage some dignity, you could wait until next time he texts, then reply along the lines of "It's kind of you to want to stay in touch but let's be honest - we're not really sexually compatible are we? So I'm going to wish you all the best in future, & move on now."

THEN block. You seriously do NOT want to read what he would probably respond with.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/05/2022 15:23

Saturday we had sex, to be honestly it wasn't great he didn't last even a minute (either time) but no big deal was made of it we had a good time I stayed the night

Did he make bloody sure you came? I know, very blunt. But terrible PIV is only worth thinking of putting up with if he makes a massive effort at everything else in bed. TMI and all that, sorry.

Suprima · 17/05/2022 15:23

What dignity are you going to keep if you text him basically saying you are fine for him to give you the slow fade and will still meet him for a drink in the future? 😬

Original poster
userhjf67 · 17/05/2022 15:54

Yes he did make sure I came, I was going with the don't respond but friends are saying I need to texts something

Guess I was thinking sex could improve 🤣

OP posts:
SiobhanSharpe · 17/05/2022 16:01

Well, the sex just might improve if he was overcome by your beauty and hotness on those two occasions and couldn't help himself...
On the other hand he might just be a premature ejaculator.
(I'm sure you are beautiful and hot but a good lover should still manage to last a bit longer, especially the second time!)

SiobhanSharpe · 17/05/2022 16:05

And please don't respond to his text.
Your friends want you to play the 'be nice' card. No need, or send a text like the one Kettricken suggests. That should do the trick@😂

Original poster
userhjf67 · 17/05/2022 16:11

Ha his ears must be burning as he's just message to say something about being so busy and a work project, think I will just leave it on unread for 12 hours minimum 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
userhjf67 · 17/05/2022 16:12

Your absolutely all right and I definitely don't need to send any text like my friends suggested, this is exactly the reason why I like checking in with you lot as you talk sense

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 17/05/2022 16:15

It’s the height of dating rudeness to step back from communicating after you’ve slept with someone for the first time. Everyone with an IQ of more than 5 knows that! He’s being disrespectful to you. He’s not going to be a keeper. I’d walk away.

I’d also be tempted to send him a message saying “I hope your lack of communication isn’t because you’re embarrassed at only having lasted a few minutes? It’s probably just a first time blip, right? Im sure you’re not that bad every time!😀😀”.
I say be tempted to, but it might not be the best idea in reality. But funny to imagine!

easyday · 17/05/2022 16:18

Quick sex aside, maybe he really is busy ( how do you know he's been online for 8 hours)?
I met my husband, nice time (no sex) and he took a week to call me. Why? Because he was bloody busy with work. Then he had his kids for the weekend so I don't see him for another week. This was before mobile phones - but it's as quick to make a call as text and he didn't. Obviously worked out - glad I didn't write him off as quick as everyone would have advised me here!

GetThatHelmetOn · 17/05/2022 16:21

It surprises me a bit that you think that leaving a non commit alone text unanswered for 12 hours may give you some kind of leverage. I wouldn’t reply at all unless he showed more interest, nor would I be waiting to hear much more from him, he is obviously letting you go kindly.

ElenaSt · 17/05/2022 16:21

A truly busy man would have said, Darling I loved our time together and long to see you again and when this work project is over I want to make love to you all weekend.

However, he and his acorn have backed right off.

Ignore his last message and any other messages and move on.

seensome · 17/05/2022 16:22

To keep your dignity, definitely don't message him. He's been ignoring you, probably talking to other women as that probably hasn't worked out he's messaging you.

Ihatethenewlook · 17/05/2022 16:29

I couldn’t imagine anything less dignified than that text you suggested. So you’re happy that he’s shagged and now ignoring you, but you want him to know you’ll be there waiting for him to take you for a drink (and another shag) if he ever deems you worthy of his presence again?

HardRockOwl · 17/05/2022 17:53

I'd respond to that message with a 'Hi Bill! Sorry to hear you've been busy, hope that improves. I'm going to have to leave things here as I don't feel we are particularly sexually compatible. Cheerio now, all the best.'

Or words to that effect. You can sense his interest is waning, so for me, dignity looks like knocking it on the head yourself. And no, the sex will get worse, not better

And for god sake, don't offer him a drink in the future if he fancies it. Just kill it dead

HaggisBurger · 17/05/2022 18:14

ElenaSt · 17/05/2022 16:21

A truly busy man would have said, Darling I loved our time together and long to see you again and when this work project is over I want to make love to you all weekend.

However, he and his acorn have backed right off.

Ignore his last message and any other messages and move on.

Or for five minutes of the weekend 😉

70kid · 17/05/2022 18:46

No man is to busy
it takes what a second to text / watsapp
dont loose your dignity over a crap shag and a rude man

pictish · 17/05/2022 18:53

Ihatethenewlook · 17/05/2022 16:29

I couldn’t imagine anything less dignified than that text you suggested. So you’re happy that he’s shagged and now ignoring you, but you want him to know you’ll be there waiting for him to take you for a drink (and another shag) if he ever deems you worthy of his presence again?

Absolutely this. Do not text him “you obviously have lots going on so give me a shout if you want to grab a drink at some point?”

It translates as, “you’re ignoring me but I’ll be here when you want me!”

no no no

me4real · 17/05/2022 18:57

He's used you for sex and has now got what he wanted and is no longer interested. I would just block him, it'll make you feel better.

SunnyShiner · 17/05/2022 18:59

Don't reply at all

Thereisnolight · 17/05/2022 19:01

He’s probably fading.
Don’t send a jokey message about him being bad in bed. He’ll know you’re upset and trying to get back at him.
Either ignore him or send a firm message along the lines of, If you were just planning to use me for sex you should have been honest about it. Basic decency and respect cost nothing.
Lots of posters will think the above is uncool. It is, but why try to be cool? Why not be honest about the common decency you should expect? It may not be cool but it is dignified.
If you’re more concerned about being cool, just ignore him. Be aware he may step up the banter again when he wants another shag.

Lovemusic33 · 17/05/2022 19:02

I wouldn’t message back, stop sending him ‘good morning’ messages.

I dated a guy that lasted seconds, I thought it was first time nerves but I met up with him several more times and it was no better 😬. I would just stop messaging.

Staynow · 17/05/2022 19:04

I'd just text 'Ok' and leave it to that. He needs to make more effort himself if he wants more of a response than that IMO.

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