How to cheer up on my lonely 30th birthday?

[TonkaBean22]

It’s my 30th birthday today, and I’m feeling more alone than I imagined.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 years, and while I didn’t expect miracles today, and don’t place too much focus on birthdays, it felt really underwhelming for a ‘big’ one.

He asked me what I wanted a few weeks back, and I said a card, flowers and a cake would be great. And it would be lovely to have a nice birthday breakfast together.

He didn’t get me any of those things, and went to the office today early and left me to my own devices (he often works from home). He did get me an iPad (not sure why, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I can’t envision when I would use one, and I didn’t ask for it). I’m not expecting any plans later. He did say we could go out if I wanted, and we’d use the joint account to pay for it… which seems a little crappy.

He said we’re going on holiday next week, so that’s my birthday fun. However, I booked and organised the whole trip, and it was actually a delayed holiday from last year because of covid. I’m not really sure it’s the same thing at all.

I’m feeling a bit vulnerable and sad today, as I’m unlikely to get even a happy birthday from any family of mine, as we’re largely estranged, and I don’t have any friends or colleagues who care - I live abroad, and I’ve struggled to integrate. I feel a bit forgotten about.

Any ideas for how to cheer myself up? I’ve booked a yoga class and I guess I could take myself out for lunch somewhere or buy myself a cake and some wine and get started early. But it feels a bit forced and pathetic. Or should I treat it like a normal day and get on with it?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, especially on your birthday. I think you should take yourself out and do whatever would make you happy. Lunch, shopping...why not book a facial or a massage? Maybe when the emotion has died down, talk to your partner about how he's made you feel x

Ps....happy birthday lovely!

Two things,

Firsty, it’s not a normal day, it’s your 30th so yes, treat yourself to wine, flowers and whatever else it is you want.

second, and this is the big one, when someone asks you want you want for your birthday, don’t be so shit in saying what you want!!! Card flowers and wine….seriously!! If you don’t act like it’s a big deal then how are others supposed to know it’s a big deal! Stop being a modest martyr!!! Your creating a rod off your own back for nothing!!

next year do better, explain what you want!! To be whisked away for a romantic weekend with small gifts given throughout the day, a nice evening meal and then a stroll down a river….be precise, if you want it, ask for it, don’t pretend that it’s no big deal!!

Happy Birthday!

Is your partner always this thoughtless? Has he done better than this in the other 8 years or is this just standard for him?

Happy birthday to you! 💐Make your day what you want it to be.
Are you sure he's not planned a surprise? But if not, why are you with a partner who doesn't make you feel special? You're only 30, go and meet someone who makes you happy!

Happy birthday! Go for a champagne lunch in a nice restaurant or a hotel so youll be fully waited on.
have a think about your boyfriend-doesnt sound much of a keeper to me.

You shouldn't have to point out to a long term partner that you want a bit of a fuss on your birthday, especially a milestone one!

You only asked for flowers, cake and a card - and he couldn't be arsed to do that.

What happens on his birthday? I'd put money on you always making an effort?

Take yourself out for breakfast! And use the joint account haha! And then book a nice treatment or your nails doing or something. And then go somewhere lovely for a nice big slice of cake x

Go out and treat yourself today - buy something a little extravagant even if it's just outrageously expensive chocolates or a house plant. Actually the iPad isn't a bad gift (and not cheap) but it's probably what he would want for his birthday, so he made an effort of sorts. Next year, think big and ask for what you want!

would your partner use an ipad?

tbh if youve no children and he cannot be arsed to do something nice for you on your birthday, and didnt even have to think for himself, id cut losses and leave. Being with someone who makes you feel worthless grinds you down.

go to yoga, go to a nice lunch, go out this evening and think that this year could be the last you spend your birthday feeling alone and unloved.

Happy birthday OP! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

I suggest you go to the cinema, see a comedy, followed by lunch and some facial/massage or whatever spa treatment you might fancy. If you are in the UK, Lost City is on, it will cheer you up a bit😊
If cinema is not your cup of tea, try the theatre, although it might be difficult to find something last minute.
as for you bf, what can I say, men are men, they never listen. And for paying with the joint account, a lovely touch. Keep these thoughts however for a different day.

Happy birthday niece again and enjoy. And let us know how you get on! 🤗

How is making an effort by buying something he will use, not the person it is for making an effort?

op, i wouldnt let him use it. Ever. I bet my lunch it is for him.

Buy yourself the most beautiful flowers,
I'd also treat myself to

• a great book. -my favourite foods - a pretty walk - a nice coffee -a bath and a nap!!But I'm closer to 40 so possibly these are geriatric ideas of treats. Show yourself the love and compassion you deserve ❤️

Sell the iPad and book a spa day.
If it's any consultation my 30th was an absolute shitshow and I don't like thinking about it.

So you told him what you wanted and he still has not delivered or stepped up. Has he always been this thoughtless or is this a relatively new development?. Do you make and does he expect an effort made for his birthday?.

I would rethink your life here with your boyfriend; are you now living in his home nation?.

"I'm not expecting any plans later. He did say we could go out if I wanted, and we’d use the joint account to pay for it… which seems a little crappy".

How big😡of him to use the joint account in such a manner!. He does not seem bothered either way about you, let alone your birthday, and has also bought you something that you did not ask for and could end up being used more by him.

It is crappy for you and more than a little crappy too. The only person who can change things for you though is you; have you thought about returning to the UK and rebuilding your life without him in it?.

Well happy birthday from me too! Go and treat yourself!
Do you have an Amazon account and read books? Download the kindle app and you'll have a great time reading using the iPad! Xx

Happy birthday! Definitely spoil yourself today, flowers, a glass of fizz and a lovely cake will start you off. Also plan a lovely second celebration on your holiday next week. Enjoy your day, it's probably better if you choose everything yourself anyway. X

Absolutely take yourself out for lunch somewhere with food you like but he doesn't. You can read a book and enjoy your own company. Then definitely treat yourself to fancy chocolate and book yourself something nice to do on the holiday. Speaking of which, are you sure he hasn't booked some sort of surprise for the holiday? I would have for my partner and had no idea it might be upsetting, especially with a nice gift on the day too.

I agree with all of the above suggestions, treat yourself kindly, you are your own best friend, but whatever you spend, take it from the joint account! Take yourself out tonight, without your OH.

I also agree that your other half sounds like a thoughtless twat. Your holiday together cannot be treated as a birthday gift, if this wasn’t the intention and agreement before you booked it.

With regard to your comments on living abroad and struggling to integrate, I remember how that felt, and joined an online expat community, to help me feel less isolated. If you haven’t done this already, I’d recommend it, and posting something today may get you some new friends to help you integrate…or even someone who’s willing to celebrate with you today!

Good luck, and happy birthday 🎂!

Today is my 50th! Happy Birthday.
To me you have two choices, dump him or you create the Birthday you want.
DH has planned a few surprises for today, the main one being a meal with lots of family and friends tonight (I'm practicing my poker face because MIL let it slip.)
I wanted a *** and couldn't leave that to chance so was specific with my wishes as I knew it would be months in finding one that suited our family.
I also collect something fairly outing. I gave my children the name of a dealer I use. It is still a little bit of a surprise but it means I don't end up with lots of expensive tat.
I have some great friends and family who know I love my garden and so far the gifts I've received are for that. I'm someone who makes a fuss of loved one's Birthdays. I'm not keen on it for myself but would be upset if it wasn't marked in a special way, mostly because it's miraculous I've made it this far.

Happy Birthday to you! I'm sorry it's not started out the best but this can be turned around. The day is still young! Do you have any family that will be celebrating you? It's shit of your boyfriend, could you phone him and tell him how you are feeling without it creating an argument or would he get the hump?

It's my 30th in 4 weeks and also my graduation a few weeks after so I'm looking at my 30th as a kind of graduation celebration also. I am not a big one for birthdays but I'm proud of myself so I want to celebrate this one and make it count. So I have let my family and friends know how important it is to me and I expect a big deal. That might seem demanding but sometimes you have to be to get what you want and deserve otherwise, sometimes people just don't bother (like your boyfriend) and that's gutting.

I'd say something. I hope whatever you do, you end up having a fantastic day. Happy 30th Birthday!

Happy birthday!!

don’t treat it like a normal day. Go and do something that you love. Nice lunch, walk in the sun, movie, spa treatment.

I’d also talk to your boyfriend tonight about returning the iPad and getting something you would like. Say you appreciate that he thinks you deserve something extravagant as it is a special birthday but you don’t think you will use it and tell him what you would like to that value.

Hope you enjoy your day

Happy birthday OP! Is there anything that you really enjoy doing that you wouldn't usually do? If it was me I'd take myself of and do a lovely bit of shopping and by myself a new outfit, spend a while having lunch and then pampering myself and getting ready. Book somewhere lovely for tea later and feel fabulous whilst I'm out later. Xxx