It’s my 30th birthday today, and I’m feeling more alone than I imagined.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 years, and while I didn’t expect miracles today, and don’t place too much focus on birthdays, it felt really underwhelming for a ‘big’ one.
He asked me what I wanted a few weeks back, and I said a card, flowers and a cake would be great. And it would be lovely to have a nice birthday breakfast together.
He didn’t get me any of those things, and went to the office today early and left me to my own devices (he often works from home). He did get me an iPad (not sure why, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I can’t envision when I would use one, and I didn’t ask for it). I’m not expecting any plans later. He did say we could go out if I wanted, and we’d use the joint account to pay for it… which seems a little crappy.
He said we’re going on holiday next week, so that’s my birthday fun. However, I booked and organised the whole trip, and it was actually a delayed holiday from last year because of covid. I’m not really sure it’s the same thing at all.
I’m feeling a bit vulnerable and sad today, as I’m unlikely to get even a happy birthday from any family of mine, as we’re largely estranged, and I don’t have any friends or colleagues who care - I live abroad, and I’ve struggled to integrate. I feel a bit forgotten about.
Any ideas for how to cheer myself up? I’ve booked a yoga class and I guess I could take myself out for lunch somewhere or buy myself a cake and some wine and get started early. But it feels a bit forced and pathetic. Or should I treat it like a normal day and get on with it?