Am I financially fucked going it alone?

[WhatAToDoMike]

Looking very much like I will be on my own with baby. 6 months pregnant. Have my own house a a bit of savings (10k). Maternity paid in full for 6 months though want to take a year. DP is a high earner, 125k. I earn about half that. Is my financial life absolutely fucked here? I was always planning on doing four days a week after maternity. Family are around 50 mins away but very much travelling and doing their own thing ie no consistent help on a confirmed basis.

I think you’ll be fine on £60k per annum
Presumably he will be paying maintenance?

How much do you earn, what are your outgoings?

Can you live on reduced maternity pay for the 6 months afterwards? I really wouldn’t blitz your 10k savings on paying for necessities if you can’t.

Will ex pay maintenance or is he likely to hide his income and give CMS the runaround?

Just saw you earn about half his earnings. Apologies.

how would that compare to your own mortgage and outgoings?

Single mums survive on a lot less than 65k!

Not necessarily.

Spreadsheet time - document all your expenses & work out your income and some variables e.g. working 4 days, differing amounts of contributions from the child’s father.

Unless your overheads are unusually big, £60k or £48k (4 days which would also mean you received child benefit) + father’s contribution should cover.

Don’t panic & good luck!

Thanks for the flurry of replies, wasn’t sure anyone would reply at all!

To answer some questions yes I am on around 60 and it is hopeful this will go up slightly, perhaps 5k before I go off on maternity. I am saving as I go now so hoping to have enough to take me into the rest of maternity leave, with SMP and it’s not a guarantee but my parents may give me 5k (this was discussed briefly by them before I knew I might be on my own, so hopefully they will still do it).

DP would pay I think. He’s not someone who would want no involvement either, I think he would pay. I calculated it and it seems he should pay around 1k a month but we’ve not had that conversation at all and frankly I would feel terrible taking such a sum. It’s me as much as him considering being separated (whole other story which I won’t bore you with!) but even so, we are not married so even if we were a couple my concerns will remain. It’s mainly childcare I’m terrified about managing.

Thd cost of childcare will be very high. Thats probably your biggest concern if you are paying it out of only your salary. But you will get child maintenance. Which should be a reasonable amount considering his salary.

That’s my main concern, childcare. It will be two years of trying to manage it. I’m so worried about it and don’t feel I can take 1k a month off a man who doesn’t live with his child and something I’ve caused as much as him - we can’t reach a compromise on living scenarios.

Do both/either of you have jobs where you could work flexibly so that not much paid childcare is needed, by any chance?

You shouldn't feel bad about taking £1K a month, it's to keep his child.

It just seems like a huge sum.

I work flexibly but it would be a push to cut days to half days, my work would be very stressful to manage. Realistically it would need two days full and perhaps 2 half days.

The money isn't for you it's for his child.
So take it and provide the best childcare you can afford.
By not doing you're already putting your dp in 2nd place because you're sending the message that he is not responsible for his own dc.

Is he standard Mon to Fri working?

I appreciate that sounds like a lot of money but actually once your child is in school then that will be greatly reduced. I would definitely go for a higher figure now but with the intention of reducing it later.

It's not a huge sum relative to what he earns/ what he might spend monthly on non-essentials I imagine?

He has fathered a child, he needs to take responsibility for them. Any idea how contact might work?

Eh @HollowTalk, child maintenance doesn't reduce once a child is in school?

I guess you mean childcare costs, yes of course they're high.

Don't forget that childcare costs are both for a short period of time and you get some assistance. Really it is two years (ages1-3) that are a killer financially. After that things get much easier. Even then though you get some of your tax back for fees.

I did it by myself with my first. With no maintenance and a lower salary than yours at the time. Plus I am in London. I decided to use some of my 0% credit card to enable me to return to work and make ends meet. It worked brilliantly for me. I was disciplined and ensured I paid off any debt as soon as I was able.

Childcare is high but only for a finite time so if you can keep working and foot the bill.

DP will be responsible for child maintenance so go on the CSA calculator and figure out what he needs to pay.

You can get a tax free childcare account through the government gateway which will give you approx 20% off your childcare bill up to a maximum amount per year.

You are 9n a really good salary, people manage on much less and with Child maintenance you'll be even better off.

Me and DH paid for full time nursery from 9 months on a combined household income of less than £40k so it is absolutely doable and means that by the time DC starts getting 3 yr old childcare funding you'll be in a good place financially.

Look at tax free childcare you put money in the account and the government top it up 20% up to a certain amount each year. Childcare costs will be really high until you get the 30hrs free childcare at 3.
Unfortunately you probably earn too much to get any benefits.

Don't feel guilty about your partner paying child maintenance it is for the child.

@JanglyBeads When a child costs so much more in terms of childcare I think it's fair that the guy pays more, but then I think it should reduce to CSA levels or whatever the couple decides. When I got divorced my ex paid the CSA level plus half the childcare - I couldn't afford to work otherwise. When they stopped needing childcare, then he stopped paying his half of childcare, just as I did.

You will be fine.

surely both of you can adjust schedules and both be flexible?

It helps to have in perspective that the expensive childcare is shorter than you might think. It’s between the end of your maternity leave and the funded hours kicking in that’s the killer, so basically a couple of years.

You need to look round nurseries and book your place very well in advance (ie, now) to make sure you get a nursery you’ll be happy with an fits in with your commute etc.

Thanks this is all really helpful.

I am not sure how the tax works? I have been quoted for example, 1,180 for four days a week. What would happen to that bill tax wise and would I have to claim it back?

I'm a single parent with 3 kids, and we survive ok on less than 25k a year. Actually, less than that as I've been managing to save about 5-8k a year of it, and over pay the mortgage. You might have to adjust your lifestyle to suit your circumstances, but I'm sure you won't be 'financially fucked'.

No you won’t be financially fucked. Most lone parents I know manage on much less. Absolutely make sure you claim child maintenance as this will offset childcare costs. Also a child minder is usually less than a nursery.

Thanks, why do people use nurseries if child minder is cheaper? I would have thought the opposite but would prefer a child minder!

Some think it's better to not be reliant on the good health/professionalism/provision of an individual, also fewer kids for your child to interact with.