Am I financially fucked going it alone?

[WhatAToDoMike]

Looking very much like I will be on my own with baby. 6 months pregnant. Have my own house a a bit of savings (10k). Maternity paid in full for 6 months though want to take a year. DP is a high earner, 125k. I earn about half that. Is my financial life absolutely fucked here? I was always planning on doing four days a week after maternity. Family are around 50 mins away but very much travelling and doing their own thing ie no consistent help on a confirmed basis.

It's easy enough. You essentially pay via a government account. You set it up for your child, add money and you can get up to £2000 a year. It's £500 every three months. It's not a lot but it does help.

www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare

I managed as a single parent on £12500 per year, whilst putting myself through uni at the same time. This was also back when preschoolers only got 15 free hours per week. I rented and had to move during this time at short notice due to rent increases etc. My ex wouldn’t pay any maintenance at all.

You own your home and have substantial savings, and will be entitled to a large sum
of maintenance.

Definitely not ‘financially fucked’ by any long stretch of the imagination.

And yes childminders usually do generally work out cheaper especially before the free hours kick in. Also look at tax free childcare account - you pay in to the account and government top up of 20%, then use the account to pay the childcare fees.

We chose a nursery as we could guarantee there would always be other kids in her same age range, childminders have a smaller group of kids so may only have 1 under 1 and the rest 2+. We also wanted the increased assurance of knowing they would have sickness cover and wouldnt close for holidays or personal issues.

Jesus Christ, if only I were in your shoes OP! Try being a single mum on Universal Credit . If you struggle on £60k you have a spending problem!

I used a childminder and had a great experience …. She was only Ill once in the time I used her and she lived a couple of doors down from me. She took my DD all over the place too… farms and parks and playgroups and met up with other childminder friends with other children. There is the risk though that a childminder may be unwell more than mine was but it was a risk I was prepared to take for the benefits.

Sorry I didn’t mean to offend anyone I’m just in panic mode at the moment!

Thanks so much for the support.

Don’t worry about taking the money off him, he would need to use child care if he had the child, and he would need to pay for it.

For 1k a week I would imagine a nanny would be cheaper? Then your child gets 1 to 1 care as well. Seems daft paying 1k for 4 days when you may get a nanny for a lot less.

But no 65k is not financially fucked, which you know.

You might feel differently about taking that money when you price up the cost of childcare. Forget the nappies etc, as a parent he's responsible for 24/7 'care and supervision' 3.5 days of every week. Price up what that would cost him over the next god knows how many years if you weren't doing his share. Night rates being more.
You will be saving him many many thousands plus taking the hit to your career, pension and mental health.
. £1000 was my part time childcare fees twenty years ago. If he gives you that, he'll still be short changing you.

Absolutely ridiculous to say you don’t want to take £1k pcm CM from a man who earns £125k pa. And while you’re panicking that you’re going to be “financially fucked” too. Why shouldn’t each parent pay at least 10% of their gross income for a child’s upkeep? You’ll be paying a lot more. Who chose to split is neither here nor there to child costs. Are sure you’re not trying to antagonise parents on lower incomes?

No your not fucked but you won't be living the lifestyle that a family bringing in £185K does.
Whole families are earning £25/30K and managing, it just won't be the life you had....it might just be happier and that's good starting point!

You will have a different lifestyle and priorities but you will manage. DP is the father though & should contribute to the welfare & upkeep of his child - he needs to be brought into the equation whether or not you are together (& no matter how awkward you feel about it).

Are you going to share the care of the DC? If you plan to do it all, you will probably see that 1k doesn't come close to cover all the hours you'll be working on the care of the baby.

Why on earth would you feel bad receiving £12000 a year for your child when he'd still have £113000 🤔

I'm on a similar salary to yours and have one child. He's now at university but I've been on my own with him for a long time. I've shared school fees with the father, but I've got a mortgage on my own. With your salary and the father's contribution, you don't need to worry. You will be fine. You won't have luxury holidays but you'll be fine.

I would recommend you use a nursery over a childminder. I always found them more reliable as they are always open

You need to look at the prices of childcare.. I would raise this with your DP now and set clear expectations on both parts.

You're not taking £1k off a man.
.... cms is the minimum expectation of a father to contribute towards a child life ..... take whats owed to your child ...reasons for splitting up are irrelevant
I would suggest doing it formally from the start....
Re practicals childcare gets cheaper as they get older and is most expensive under 2...
Its spreadsheet time....
Things that may change things are breast feeding/not..so maybe a 6mth plan assuming you are.....
Can he take paid parental leave?
He could do the main carer for the 2nd 6months not massively common yet but an option ..

I earn about the same as you. If my partner left then obviously my lifestyle would have to change and I would be less well off…. But appreciate that I earn well above the national average so I’d be fine - as will you. First few years are a challenge because childcare fees are huge but if you can get through that you’ll feel much better off afterwards.

This thread is a bit painful given the current climate...

OP, you will be far from fucked. You will be absolutley fine.

Did you know you earn over a third more than the average wage?

So is it only allowed to have worries and concerns if you earn average wage ???

Someone's situation has changed and they're stressed.... what happened to be kind.?? ....if you haven't got anything nice/helpful to say on a support forum then maybe don't comment!

Will he agree to pay half the childcare and then child maintenance?

don’t feel I can take 1k a month off a man who doesn’t live with his child

Yes you can and you should.
He is a father and has a responsibility towards his child. If he did not want to have a child he should have ensured he used protection so you did not get pregnant.

He earns 125K a year. That means he would be paying child maintenance of around 10% of his income. He can well afford that.

You need to get this "don't feel like I can take 1k a month" out of your head straightaway. That money is for your child. Money which your child would be benefiting from if living together with the father.

If you don't take it then you are effectively saying "I don't feel I can take 1k a month off a man who doesn't live with his child but I do feel as though I can take 1k a month away from my child"
Do you really want to take 1K a month away from your child?