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Original poster

A 'closure' message. Is it always a bad idea?

53 replies

Kitten2 · 15/05/2022 18:38

Have been seeing someone for almost 6 months. It has been casual. A few dates, some walks, phone conversations and sleeping together 6 times. We message every couple of days if not more and have done throughout.

I like him and was incredibly attracted to him but it's just fizzled. He is always too busy to meet up and It's lost momentum.

I want to almost-daily messages to end now. But I don't want to be so blunt as to block him. I've tried to keep my responses short / no questions. How can I just draw a line under this without making it in to a big deal.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2022 18:44

A few dates, some walks, phone conversations and sleeping together 6 times. We message every couple of days if not more and have done throughout. I like him and was incredibly attracted to him but it's just fizzled. He is always too busy to meet up and It's lost momentum. Considering it didn't get that far and then has plateaued for a while, I would just send something like: "Hey, I always thinks it's best to be honest and I don't see things progressing with us so I think it's best we stop seeing each other. Thank you for some really nice times and I wish you all the best!"

Done.

anotherdisaster · 15/05/2022 19:35

I think the decent thing is to message. I always think its a little cowardly to just 'disappear'. A final message at least draws a line under things for both of you.

Strawberrydelight55 · 15/05/2022 19:45

I'd just say hey Mark

Not sure if you feel the same way, but I don't feel we are progressing much into anything. I just wanted to communicate with you about it so you don't think I'm being rude. I'm looking for abit more so wanted to let you know I'm going to see what else is out there.

Googlecanthelpme · 15/05/2022 19:53

I personally think just blocking / ghosting is really harsh and unnecessary and hurtful to be honest.
the exception is if the other person is a cunt of course - we don’t owe them people anything.

But if he’s genuinely a decent guy and it’s just one of those things then yeah a simple message to end things properly.

look at the other way - would you like to just be blocked by a guy you’d been seeing for 6 months without the decency of a text.

big girl pants on and send a message, you’ll feel better after

Original poster
Kitten2 · 15/05/2022 20:05

So something like .... 'hey Mark, was great getting to know you a bit, have enjoyed it, but it's come to a natural end since meeting up is so tricky for you. Take care'

... would that be alright, too dramatic?!
He wasn't my boyfriend or anything.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2022 20:08

Kitten2 · 15/05/2022 20:05

So something like .... 'hey Mark, was great getting to know you a bit, have enjoyed it, but it's come to a natural end since meeting up is so tricky for you. Take care'

... would that be alright, too dramatic?!
He wasn't my boyfriend or anything.

I would take out the 'since meeting up is so tricky' bit tbh as it reads a bit pass agg / as if you want him to say he'll meet more often when I know that isn't the case at all, you just aren't feeling it anymore. I think as women it's engrained in us from a young age socially to always be nice, put others first, not hurt feelings etc to the point we overthink perfectly reasonable things. It just isn't working out and you're allowed to say you just aren't feeling it. I would personally send your message but without her line about meeting up being tricky for him for the reasons I said. You sound nice and thoughtful and I agree it's nice to send a message to draw a line under things instead of dragging it out slowly. Onwards!

Hesheweeshe · 15/05/2022 20:11

I think the 'meeting up is so tricky for you' sounds a bit like a dig.

i'd stop it at the Natural End

MrsJorahMormont · 15/05/2022 20:16

Do you actually want things to continue if he could meet up more?

Original poster
Kitten2 · 15/05/2022 20:49

Do you actually want things to continue if he could meet up more?

No not really. That butterfly feeling has gone and no close bond has been formed so I think it's just one of those things that's sadly over.

The reason it's lost the spark is because of lack of meeting up though, and that was down to him but I do see why adding that in seems like a dig and is a bad idea, so I won't.

OP posts:
Suprima · 15/05/2022 20:50

Why do you care?

he clearly doesn’t care about you

move on, and block in case he tries to text
you when you want a shag

Suprima · 15/05/2022 20:51

Suprima · 15/05/2022 20:50

Why do you care?

he clearly doesn’t care about you

move on, and block in case he tries to text
you when you want a shag

I meant to say when he wants a shag, but I suppose it kinds of works both ways

closure has already happened. Move on. As you say, he wasn’t your boyfriend. There isn’t really anything to say here.

CrystalCoco · 15/05/2022 20:56

Something along the lines of 'I'm just not feeling the connection anymore' is a fairly polite way to say see ya!

MrsJorahMormont · 16/05/2022 10:44

CrystalCoco · 15/05/2022 20:56

Something along the lines of 'I'm just not feeling the connection anymore' is a fairly polite way to say see ya!

Yep, just this.

Milomonster · 16/05/2022 11:32

If he’s been consistent with communication, I’d definitely message him to draw a line under it. If he’s prone to vanishing without explanation, I’d block. I was in contact with a guy for ages with whom I’d have intense periods of messaging and then he’d vanish without explanation for weeks. I explained to him that didn’t work for me. We continued and he didn’t change, so I blocked. I don’t think it was cowardly at all in this circumstance as he saw me as disposable.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 16/05/2022 11:40

It doesn't really matter what you say if you genuinely want it over.
Hey this isn't working for me anymore, but all the best for the future. Kitten

KangarooKenny · 16/05/2022 11:42

Final ending it message, then block.
No need to ever hear from him again if it’s over.

me4real · 16/05/2022 11:47

The reason it's lost the spark is because of lack of meeting up though, and that was down to him but I do see why adding that in seems like a dig

I don't think it's a dig at all @Kitten2 , it's simply a fact.

It can be cathartic to send a message saying how you feel.

It might also help him in his future relationships as he'd be aware of where he had gone wrong and what women he dates might want.

Scabbyknackers · 16/05/2022 11:50

Definitely agreed it's the polite thing to do re him, but also draws an unambiguous line for you. Any of messages are fine, tbh even your original one. It's the truth if he's not able to see you so not really a dig. You could just say 'since meeting up has been so tricky' which takes away any blame. Wish him well and job done.

Billylilly · 16/05/2022 11:51

I like the first suggestion, 'Hey, I always thinks it's best to be honest and I don't see things progressing with us so I think it's best we stop seeing each other. Thank you for some really nice times and I wish you all the best!'

But, I would wait to send it when it is appropriate (ie. he messages you to catch up), and secondly, no need to explain why unless he asks.

Watchkeys · 16/05/2022 12:09

I think avoiding anything that looks like it could be blaming him is fairest. Nothing that could be interpreted as 'I'm ended this because you got x y or z wrong'.

'We're looking for different things, so I'm moving on, all the best', perhaps?

CandyApplePie · 16/05/2022 12:13

I wouldn’t send your message it does read like you want him to fight for you which is a bit cringey so I would wait till he contacts then just say you won’t be meeting up anymore

Bunnyfuller · 16/05/2022 12:21

Let’s put it this way, we make time for what’s important for us, so if he isn’t making time for you I would suggest he’s probably feeling the same, but maybe keeping you on the back burner?

the first suggestion is the nicest one and not mentioning him not haven’t had time to get together keeps your pride! You don’t want to sound like you’re walking away because he doesn’t seem interested (even though you might be, a bit!)

Original poster
Kitten2 · 16/05/2022 12:32

Thank you all. This is really helpful.
He messaged last night and I felt no interest in opening it at all. A clear sign I want it over. Thankfully - it's take a while to get to this point!
Will send something today.

OP posts:
Hatinafield · 16/05/2022 12:36

Hey Mark, thanks for your message. It’s been fun but to be honest it feels like things have reached a natural conclusion so I’m going to draw a line under our messages here and wish you all the best for the future. Take care, Kitten.

Iamthewombat · 16/05/2022 12:41

Suprima · 15/05/2022 20:50

Why do you care?

he clearly doesn’t care about you

move on, and block in case he tries to text
you when you want a shag

This! He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to spend time with you. It’s him who ‘never has time to meet up’. You don’t need to send him a ‘closure message’. Just move on!