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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I was abused by my doctor

53 replies

Mumthatlovesbooks · 15/05/2022 13:47

So I was reading another thread and thought I would start my own …. Not sure why this is playing on my mind these days but I feel I just need to say it or try and find closure …..

so back in 2002 I was 18 or 19 and pregnant with my first child which I went to the doctor when I was about 5 or 6 weeks gone been with this doctor years and he gave me a internal and check my breast to see if I was pregnant back then I thought it was weird but never been in this situation before … so I was like okay …. And then went on and to see him again about something else and he did another internal while I was there to check how the pregnancy was going ….. so I was like okay … I then ended up moving house and moved doctors and also ended up having a fall in work which meant I lost the baby …. And never thought anymore of it … about 6 months later me and my husband to be went on and got pregnant again and all was well with this but my new doctors never did anything like before and I don’t know why I was just embarrassed when I asked about a internal and they weee like no we don’t need to do that we and proceeded to explain what happens over the next few months …. Anyway many years later it’s just bothers me I never did anything …. And I know he will be long gone and dead but I am not back at a doctor practice which used to be the same doctors j went to years ago but in a new location and now that memory has resurfaced…

aslp so sorry for lack of grammar I just needed to get it off my chest …. And ask for any advice on what you would do now I am in the uk and not sure if there is anything I should do

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 15/05/2022 13:55

God, I thought for a moment that I had written this and forgotten about it.

I was 100% abused by my family GP, who took the opportunity to give me an internal exam, finishing up with something that DEFINITELY was not necessary, and a "breast check" when I became sexually active and went in for a prescription for the pill coupled with a fear that I might already be pregnant (I was not well educated on that front, and fully trusted him). This happened on two occasions, once with a chaperone (receptionist) in the room but on the other side of the curtain.

I did not know for a very very long time that this was a gross abuse of my trust - and my body - until I became pregnant many years later and went through the NHS system with both of my pregnancies, and was treated with the utmost respect and kindness. Funnily enough, no midwife ever saw the need to give me an anal check. 😕

Weirdly it only dawned on me about a year ago and it gave me HUGE anxiety and negative thoughts for a time, and I had to have therapy.

astoundedgoat · 15/05/2022 13:57

Sorry - you asked for advice, not an anecdote.

Honestly, I'm not sure there's much you can do. I found that talking to a therapist for a while helped. I haven't told my Dad (my Mum is dead - of an illness that the same GP told her was the menopause for years, as it happens). I've only told my husband, who was an angel about it (well, he could hardly be mean about it!).

Original poster
Mumthatlovesbooks · 15/05/2022 13:58

Yes it’s weird how life happens and we just forget and then it just pops up in our mind again … just it’s really starting to bother me and I don’t know why

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumthatlovesbooks · 15/05/2022 14:00

Yes I told my hubby too … and he accepted it but I do feel
it has affected me a little over the years without ever knowing as my sex drive is rubbish and I have never been that bothered and I do hate my breasts being touched even now ….. I always grimace away when he touches them and I now wonder if this is the reason …..

OP posts:
st1cky · 15/05/2022 14:01

I'm sorry this happened to you OP. It is sexual abuse and it was not your fault. You fully trusted a medical professional, as many of us do, to keep you safe and not abuse you.

It's up to you how to proceed, what you feel comfortable with and what you think might help you process it. I know you say he's long dead, but you could still report this to the surgery and the police if you felt able and if you wanted to.

I think you should seek counselling to cope with this. It sounds like your memories of this coming to the surface are causing you trauma and anxiety and talking it through with a professional could really help if you felt able. What happened was not ok. Flowers

PrincessRamone · 15/05/2022 14:03

Not sure how long ago this was, but I do think an internal exam was relatively common for early pregnancy in 80/90s.

no idea why they would need to check breasts though, and definitely not anal!

PestorPeston · 15/05/2022 14:16

It is not normal to do this in the UK in this day and age. It was normal when my mother had DC sixty years ago, mainly because pregnancy tests were nothing like they are now. It was not normal 30 years ago.

It is normal in the US.

Possibilities are:
Your GP was a dinosaur trained by a dinosaur.
Your GP's training had US influence.
Your GP prefers abusing women to keeping their training up to date (that covers a lot of the US).

Ask if MH can do some work with you.

Babdoc · 15/05/2022 14:28

This was certainly fairly standard years ago, OP. The breast exam was for two reasons - one, to pick up conditions like inverted nipple, which might impact on breast feeding, and two, to pick up any (rare) breast cancer, which carries a poor prognosis in pregnancy. For similar reasons, a breast exam was usual before prescribing oral contraception, as the hormones in the pill would stimulate tumour growth.
Vaginal exam was to check the cervix was healthy and confirm uterine size for dates.
I’m not saying your old GP was definitely not an abuser, but he would have legitimate clinical reasons for his actions.

Milomonster · 15/05/2022 14:29

Sorry you went through this. It’s one of those things that you can’t really know at the time whether it’s right or not as doctors are in such a position of trust. I was given a breast examination by a consultant endocrinologist even though the reason I went had nothing to do with this. It was only later I questioned what happened as there was no chaperone in the room.

Sapphirensteel · 15/05/2022 14:40

Before home pregnancy tests this was how GPs confirmed a pregnancy but I doubt any have done that since the late 80s(?)
You can report historic abuse. It doesn’t matter how long ago it happened and you can report to police, the NSPCC or the General Medical Council.

I’m sorry this happened to you.

moomoogalicious · 15/05/2022 14:45

Sorry this happened to you OP. I had my dc in 2002 and this definitely wasn't normail 😟

cleanasawhistle · 15/05/2022 14:49

This happened to me in the early 90s OP.
It wasnt until a few years later when I was pregnant again mentioned to my friend that this time I wasnt examined.
She had 3 children and said this never happened to her...so I asked others and the answer was no didnt happen.

SlatsandFlaps · 15/05/2022 14:58

Babdoc · 15/05/2022 14:28

This was certainly fairly standard years ago, OP. The breast exam was for two reasons - one, to pick up conditions like inverted nipple, which might impact on breast feeding, and two, to pick up any (rare) breast cancer, which carries a poor prognosis in pregnancy. For similar reasons, a breast exam was usual before prescribing oral contraception, as the hormones in the pill would stimulate tumour growth.
Vaginal exam was to check the cervix was healthy and confirm uterine size for dates.
I’m not saying your old GP was definitely not an abuser, but he would have legitimate clinical reasons for his actions.

Absolute NONSENSE! They have never, ever done a 'breast exam' ffs! Where on earth does breastfeeding come into early pregnancy?!

OP please ignore this post

BracedlnEndIessJanuary · 15/05/2022 15:00

1987
Family planning
16
Was going independently to go on pill
No chaperone
Breast exam that took an eternity - he was definitely thorough Hmm

In hindsight, it was questionable but, as Babdoc says, legitimate clinical reasons meant that I refuse to lose any sleep over it now.

BracedlnEndIessJanuary · 15/05/2022 15:02

Perhaps I ought to be more concerned, having just seen Slats post, but I am not going to stress out further, 32 years on. Do what you need to do, OP, for you.

GrimDamnFanjo · 15/05/2022 15:07

Same for me, mid 90s.
No pregnancy test. I went to my drs and reported I'd been feeling sick in the morning.
I actually was under a severe amount of stress and anxiety.
I was given a thorough breast exam and sent away.

GrimDamnFanjo · 15/05/2022 15:10

I'm glad you posted this OP as it's played on my mind recently.
I was 23 with no understanding of pregnancy diagnosis.

JuliaDomna · 15/05/2022 15:12

Internal examination and checking breasts was the norm when I had my first child in the late 70s and again when I had my second in the early 80s. Was it an older doctor OP?

notlongtoo · 15/05/2022 15:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Cliftontherocks · 15/05/2022 15:30

I was abused by my gp who examined by breasts when I was 16 having visited him for the first time on my old with glandular fever - he massaged both breasts and squeezed my nipples gently and asked me if it felt nice. He is dead now but everyone loved him and sadly he was the doctor that delivered me.

Cliftontherocks · 15/05/2022 15:30

visited him on my own

JuliaDomna · 15/05/2022 15:31

@SlatsandFlaps Do you have clinical experience to refute @Babdoc 's post so vehemently? My experience of pregnancies in the late 70s and early 80s was just as she described. Pregnancy tests had to be taken to the Pharmacy and took a week to come back. In fact for my first pregnancy I took two consecutive urine samples and they both came back negative, but my GP was able to confirm I was definitely pregnant following my examination.

miltonj · 15/05/2022 15:39

Don't know why people are arguing about what was normal in the 70s/80s... the OP is talking about 2002!!!

I'm sorry OP, it is definitely not normal and i hope you can access counselling.

Branleuse · 15/05/2022 15:42

This sort of shit is one of the main reasons I have no qualms about always insisting on a female doctor wherever possible and certainly always for anything intimate or gynae. Ive had internal examination where in hindsight I know it was unnecessary. A breast exam where I felt degraded afterwards. Its horrible thinking back. I remember going for an abortion consultation at 17 and male doctor insisting on giving me an internal examination and I asked if I could have a woman doctor and he got cross with me, because "clearly ive already had a man down there before" and said it would be a much longer wait. I let him do it.
It makes me angry thinking back to it. Hopefully times have moved on

Babdoc · 15/05/2022 15:42

SlatsandFlaps, I am a retired doctor, with 36 years experience in the NHS, and my post is factual, not nonsense. When and where did you qualify in medicine?

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