Taking on a lover before divorce

[chopstickqueen]

Hi,
I left my husband 6 months ago. He was emotionally/psychologically abusive, coercive, and also financially controlling. Communication is very fragile between us, we have two children, and also we are not divorced yet. It has been hell for me for many years and I actually feel better since we've separated, though I know I have more to come.
One nice thing that has happened is that I have started sleeping with an old friend. He's not expecting anything, just it sometimes happens, and is very nice, safe and loving for me: a treat after years of abuse and neglect.
I suppose my question is does anyone know whether it is prudent to ensure that this stays completely secret until the divorce is final, or does it not really matter? He isn't a new partner, just a safe person I occasionally have intimacy with. I cannot see how it could affect divorce, but I just want to make sure.
And to those who think I should have held off until divorced I would say nobody is perfect. I have been routinely starved of intimacy for a long time and it is nourishing me.
Thanks

Agree with above.

Tell him nothing.
Keep it discreet.

Abudive men hate when their victims escape and no longer under their control.

They go into apoplexy of anger at the thought of THEIR property happy with anyone else.

You cannot change this.

Also they can torment their children for questions about a new partner.

Keep your life completely private and follow @Aquamarine1029 's advice that you should practice not answering any and all questions that do not involve your children.

Also, sadly watch that you do not appear too perky!!!....a sure give away.

Enjoy this lovely man.

thank you!

Agree with all the other posters. I’m pretty amicable with my exH but I don’t discuss my personal life with him, we don’t socialise, we don’t go in one another’s houses. We meet a couple of times a week at child drop off and do neighbourly doorstep chit chat.. weather, our daughters latest activity, state of the nation etc. We don’t text chat unless it directly relates to our DD. I think that is perfectly normal. You don’t need to tell your Ex H anything you don’t want to ever again!!

Your marriage is over and you need to do whatever it takes to put yourself back together and move on. It would be a shame to turn down enjoyable and validating sex just because the opportunity came up a bit earlier than you might have planned. I agree with other posters, it's none of your STBXH's business and if he's making the divorce unpleasant already it's better that he doesn't know.