I had a lot of experience (red flags?), but I have never taken in seriously. Since I want your opinion on our relationship (together for about ~7 years, living together for ~5) I would to divide it into points:
- When we got a dog last year I was giving an ultimatum that when we come back to our hometown (same hometown) the dog will every time stay with her (we both stay at our parents). I am the only one taking care of the dog at our home (she walked him like 2-3 times during the past 3 months). We don't stay together at our hometown (only when I stay at her parents) because she does not agree to divide the time equally (I suggested that if she wants we can sleep same amount of nights at her parents and mine, she was against that). She is in a good relationship with my parents, I am in good with hers. I've also offered that one weekend the dog stays with her and the other time we come back with me. She was also against that.
*I paid for the dog and I also pay for bills, gas, food, going out, travelling etc. (we live in her parents owned apartment)
- I feel I have no more freedom left in my decisions. She was against that I invest in my brothers business which is profitable and I still did that (only my savings of course). From that it all started going downhill. She is constantly blaming me that I do not consult with her (I don't know if I'm in the wrong here also). Today we got in a fight because in a group chat of my friends (she is also in it and she knows them all) I wrote that maybe anyone want to meet on the weekend (since we were going back that weekend) and she started blaming me that I did not consult with her offering my friends to meet. Basically at this point as I understand that I have to consult my every move and if she doesn't approve it we will go into a big argument.
This leads to: I basically don't have permission to do anything without her. When we were younger (a few years back). My friend was throwing a birthday party (in hometown) and she did not want to go since her parents were sick at that time and she did not want to sleep at my parents. And I said that it's not a problem I'll go alone (it's only couples of my childhood friends, the people she knows). I got the same ultimatum that I'm not going without her and we got into a fight. She later decided she will go together.
extra: same goes for travelling, my friend group was organizing a summer trip to Greece and she doesn't like one girl in the company (which is in a relationship). I got the same ultimatum that she won't be going because of her and that I can't go alone (they're all my childhood friends like come on, a group of 14 people).
I allow her to go everywhere: company parties, out with her friends etc. I'm not controlling at all because I know trust builds the relationship.
- I got offered to be the best man at my best friends wedding (she didn't get offered the same role because the best woman will be my friends wifes sister). I don't see any issue in that at all since they both picked a person each. But since I agreed we got into a fight again that I did not consult it with her (I felt it was my duty since I got offered such a role in my friends life). How could I said I need to think or discuss it with my partner. Well, she took it as a betrayal and she was very offended by it. I did not turn down to be the best man.
- We want to live in different cities. She wants to live in the capital and I want to live in our hometown (since it's only 350km away and housing there is 3x cheaper). I work as a freelancer so location for me is not a problem. She only works part time in a job that with most experience you can earn /3 from my salary. But it's her dream to live in the capital and I agreed. We are both close to our families, but I would want to live more near to them so I can visit more frequently.
- When first covid lockdown began we went back to our hometown (since we were still in university and all classes were remote). She wanted to stay there a long time but I couldn't focus on working living at parents house so I said that I'll be going back to the capital. I was struck again with the ultimatum of breakup if I go alone (even tho we were staying separately). I did not understand that but I didn't go.
Is this trust issue or what? Because I take care of her, we clean, cook together etc. I buy her nice gifts.
So basically my issue is that I feel like I don't have a say in this relationship and I feel it's turning into a toxic one really fast. Should I consult taking every step and when she doesn't agree to it do it as she says?