Hi All,
so here goes…(sorry it’s looooooog)
I have caught my husband drunk texting escorts a few times to arrange meeting up (yes not just once)… he does this when he’s hammered and will sleep in the other room. No one ever seems to get back to him probably because it’s super late/early morning by that time.
A few years ago I caught him fb messaging an old friend from school asking to link up… her response was aren’t you married?. I can’t remember his reply but honestly wished I screen shotted it. Oh and another time a few months after we got engaged he was asking another old friend to meet and something along the lines of she had a cute nose.
Now I have issues with confrontation so I don’t always confront there and then, usually when we argue I’ll just bring it up then.
Although he is super loving, he is also controlling (seems like a family trait). Controlling in the sense that he likes to know what’s going on/ where I am etc. I mean today he had an issue that I haven’t told him I’m going out with my friends tomorrow (I did but he said I didn’t). he said he doesn’t have a problem with me going just courtesy to tell him.
Last week, he had a go at me for saying I’ll be home at 6, then coming back at 8pm. My friend also mentioned that everytime I’m with her… he seems to start texting something like ‘oh can you bring me food on your way back’. But anyways, after arguing over text and how he does the exact same thing yet don’t start an argument? he then blocked me(yes the 34 year old blocked me on WhatsApp) and ignored me for 2 days. he then unblocked me and said things like ‘u want maccies’ or ‘you working tomorrow’. Ignored all his texts.
During this period…as we are struggling to conceive - he had sperm sample to do and for some reason he needed me to hold his hand. I couldn’t care less and his text to me was ‘thanks for your support’. That’s when I flipped…
I asked him about the texts and at first he was like you don’t trust me we should end it etc then he said sorry and not sure why he does when he’s drunk. The usual, will never do this. Hugged me and then it’s as if nothings happened. I have made it clear that I want everything out with him and he’s like yeh we will.
I had a gynaecologist appt last year… the night before I found texts to escorts and was in tears. He forgot about the appt and never even asked how it went. I recently had a lap and dye test… again the night before my pre op I caught him messaging escorts. I mean after the op..couldn’t even sleep next to the radiator instead making me step over him and then didn’t ever offer to help me get into bath over shower. My friend said that he’s a baby and needs things to be spelt out instead of me just assuming he will do this or that.
He is a spoilt brat and his parents have made him that way. It’s his way or no way. I guess I haven’t helped by enabling his behaviour and letting him get away with it (making myself an idiot over and over again)
I need to be stronger and truth be told, it’s easy to say leave him but not so easy to do. I’m quite independent and I can manage without him (not an issue) but I just think about everyone else (my mums health isn’t the best and this will break her). Also as I’m Indian it’s really hard to just get up and walk!
I have no one to talk to about this as it’s just embarrassing. I’ve looked up therapists as I need advice on making decision going forward and be strong!
just need advice - keeps happening, I’m not stupid as I know what I’d tell someone else but hard to do when you’re stuck! What can I do???????
thank you for those that made it this far haha x