Husband texting escorts

[Kx89]

Hi All,

so here goes…(sorry it’s looooooog)

I have caught my husband drunk texting escorts a few times to arrange meeting up (yes not just once)… he does this when he’s hammered and will sleep in the other room. No one ever seems to get back to him probably because it’s super late/early morning by that time.

A few years ago I caught him fb messaging an old friend from school asking to link up… her response was aren’t you married?. I can’t remember his reply but honestly wished I screen shotted it. Oh and another time a few months after we got engaged he was asking another old friend to meet and something along the lines of she had a cute nose.

Now I have issues with confrontation so I don’t always confront there and then, usually when we argue I’ll just bring it up then.

Although he is super loving, he is also controlling (seems like a family trait). Controlling in the sense that he likes to know what’s going on/ where I am etc. I mean today he had an issue that I haven’t told him I’m going out with my friends tomorrow (I did but he said I didn’t). he said he doesn’t have a problem with me going just courtesy to tell him.

Last week, he had a go at me for saying I’ll be home at 6, then coming back at 8pm. My friend also mentioned that everytime I’m with her… he seems to start texting something like ‘oh can you bring me food on your way back’. But anyways, after arguing over text and how he does the exact same thing yet don’t start an argument? he then blocked me(yes the 34 year old blocked me on WhatsApp) and ignored me for 2 days. he then unblocked me and said things like ‘u want maccies’ or ‘you working tomorrow’. Ignored all his texts.

During this period…as we are struggling to conceive - he had sperm sample to do and for some reason he needed me to hold his hand. I couldn’t care less and his text to me was ‘thanks for your support’. That’s when I flipped…

I asked him about the texts and at first he was like you don’t trust me we should end it etc then he said sorry and not sure why he does when he’s drunk. The usual, will never do this. Hugged me and then it’s as if nothings happened. I have made it clear that I want everything out with him and he’s like yeh we will.

I had a gynaecologist appt last year… the night before I found texts to escorts and was in tears. He forgot about the appt and never even asked how it went. I recently had a lap and dye test… again the night before my pre op I caught him messaging escorts. I mean after the op..couldn’t even sleep next to the radiator instead making me step over him and then didn’t ever offer to help me get into bath over shower. My friend said that he’s a baby and needs things to be spelt out instead of me just assuming he will do this or that.

He is a spoilt brat and his parents have made him that way. It’s his way or no way. I guess I haven’t helped by enabling his behaviour and letting him get away with it (making myself an idiot over and over again)

I need to be stronger and truth be told, it’s easy to say leave him but not so easy to do. I’m quite independent and I can manage without him (not an issue) but I just think about everyone else (my mums health isn’t the best and this will break her). Also as I’m Indian it’s really hard to just get up and walk!

I have no one to talk to about this as it’s just embarrassing. I’ve looked up therapists as I need advice on making decision going forward and be strong!

just need advice - keeps happening, I’m not stupid as I know what I’d tell someone else but hard to do when you’re stuck! What can I do???????

thank you for those that made it this far haha x

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron Sums it up nicely- OP, he's a wrong un-- he may have some nice sides to him but he's simply a player, not suitable for a family

Please don't have a baby with him he's so disrespectful to you I understand your ethnic background a little bit as I have lots of Indian friends please leave him when I first got together with my DP he was messaging women on a chat site it really hurt me so I understand how you must feel but unlike your DH my DP stopped your DH sounds like it's his way or the high way please talk to someone and leave him life is to short good luck

Been through similar in the past. If he’s messaging them then it means he’s visited them too. He is cheating on you. He sounds such an a**ehole. Imagine it was your friend telling you all this, what would you advise her to do. You must do everything you can to emotionally pry yourself away from him and get out while you can. You cannot imagine the misery that lies ahead of you if you stay with him. Honestly it will get a million times worse if you have a baby. You will be at your lowest and he will emotionally batter you on a daily basis whilst you are contending with exhaustion, baby weight, significant changes to your body that sadly do nothing for your confidence and then later on the worries of what an appalling father he is and the emotional warfare you’ll be bringing your child up in. Please please please get counselling or do whatever it takes to get out now.

He will not change. To have a child with this man will be a living nightmare - and most likely a shoddy father & role model. You can do better- your standards are higher than whatever he will possibly manage to achieve.

Why? Just why? What is the point of it? Life really shouldn't be this hard. How do you truly believe that this is what you can expect in a relationship and that somehow it's worth putting up with this utter cunt?
You don't need anymore information. You shouldn't need the opinions of others or to find reasons as to why he's a cunt. He just is.
Just move on. I honestly couldn't be bothered with all this thinking and searching for answers. He's showing you what he is in black and white. Believe him!

In fact if you really want to be brutal, & have another excuse to get rid of him, mention heavy drinking has a detrimental effect on sperm count. Maybe that is why you are struggling to conceive? Has he had a sperm test to see if he is the problem

Hi, I know you've already posted a response but I'm going to give you a perspective from someone who has been in a similar situation.
My SO had a porn addiction. I knew it. He knew it. We didn't talk about it. Until it escalated to him looking at escorts and messaging them. I caught him a few times over two years. He'd been on and off the website for over 2 decades.
I won't give you the full details because I think my fingers would be bloody stumps. But basically, he finally admitted to a porn addiction that would escalate to that website. He had hit rock bottom - after I'd gave birth to his first child. He gave me full access to everything, let me install an incognito blocker on his phone, and has completely changed from the man he was. He doesn't take his phone to the bathroom, doesn't hide it under his pillow on a night, deleted facebook and whatsapp and all other social media and is consistent with these changes.
I was as understanding as I could be with his addiction. I told him I knew the addiction wasn't your fault, but your choices to act on it were, and look where we are. He knows that if he slips up, I will take the kids (I have 2 from a previous relationship), and leave.
I think what I'm trying to say is it's not just about the escorts - it's the fact that he isn't accountable, isn't remorseful and isn't doing anything to improve the relationship with you.
If my SO acted the same, I wouldn't be giving him the chance to change.

Thank you all - I am reading your responses and it’s the wake up call I needed. I mean I already knew but sometimes it needs to be spelt out.

I already know I’m way too good for this man and he just thinks I will always be there so time to change that. I wish I knew my worth years ago but I’m older, wiser and stronger.

Of course we were best friends and have amazing memories but what’s the use of holding on when I’m not happy going forward.

Thanks everyone, I didn’t think I’d actually get a response so for that I’m grateful. For some reason I’m really struggling to find a therapist in my area but I’ll get there!!!

Good for you OP. You've many years of potential happiness ahead, go grab them.