Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How did you learn to cope with the OW running off with your husband?

28 replies

Greengoat2022 · 08/05/2022 18:59

NC for this.
I feel so ashamed to admit that after 5 years, I'm STILL eaten up by my ex husband running off with OW he was having an affair with.
I know we all slate OW in general, however, this one is quite something.
She 'dreamt of living in the UK' and in London (they've moved 6000 mile for her to be here)
She wanted a boy and girl as I have a boy and and girl (she got both)
She wanted her daughter's name to be Winter (my daughter's name is Summer)
She uses my part of the married name ?!?!!
They never had a proper wedding so she cut's and pastes headless bride photos she's taken off the internet and pretends they are her.
She now doesn't like London, so she wants to move 5 mins away from me in the country !!!!!! Next, she'll be moving into my shed !

Is this just weird or what?

I just want to move on from the hurt but every few months I hear back from family that she's up to something else.

OP posts:
theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity · 08/05/2022 19:11

Yes she sounds quite out there but she didn't run off with your husband- HE ran off with her

Bananarama21 · 08/05/2022 19:15

It's been 5 years you need to let it go. I've been there myself but you need to move on stop living in the past.

IncompleteSenten · 08/05/2022 19:16

She sounds obsessed with you!

StopStartStop · 08/05/2022 19:16

I was glad he was gone, so when I got wound up about her having him, I thought about how lucky I was that he wasn't around.

myuterusistryingtokillme · 08/05/2022 19:17

Well for a start you need to talk to the family members telling you all this and tell them you aren't interested in what they are doing, and don't need or want to hear about it

SickAndTiredAgain · 08/05/2022 19:26

She uses my part of the married name

What does this mean?

Mystery2345 · 08/05/2022 19:32

She sounds completely unhinged. Had she met you before they got together?

I am not surprised that you think about her - this would unnerve me too!

OhNoWhatYouGonnaDo · 08/05/2022 19:35

You need to disengage. If you share kids with your ex you should keep communication to strictly child matters only. If you don't, you just need to stop looking up what he's up to, and ask family and friends to stop telling you. Block him on social media so you can't be tempted to look.

After 5 years, she is not the OW any more. She is his wife or partner. For whatever reason, he decided he wanted to be with her more than you. Count your blessings that you're free of him, and just disengage.

Iamnotamermaid · 08/05/2022 19:40

Totally weird and almost bunny boiler territory. Does ex hubby have anything to say about this?

I would end all communication with them but strongly encourage your ex, if you still speak, that if he had a shred of decency they would not consider moving near you.

Antarcticant · 08/05/2022 19:52

She uses my part of the married name ?!?!!

Do you mean you double-barrelled your surnames when you got married; he kept both parts when you split up and now she has married him, she has taken the double-barrelled name?

If so, that's on him for not de-barrelling when you parted ways. If you are minded to take your husband's name, it's normal to take all of it.

TidyDancer · 08/05/2022 19:54

Wow she sounds like an interesting one. Tbh I'd try to see it as feeling sorry for both of them being stuck with each other. Neither sounds like a prize.

blueagain · 09/05/2022 04:49

How do you know where she wants to move to? That’s just hearsay. Do you live somewhere unusual? I’d suggest the family member is just telling you what you want to hear to keep you hooked into the drama.

blueagain · 09/05/2022 04:49

How did he even meet her if she lived 6000 miles away?

Feckingfeck · 09/05/2022 04:52

IncompleteSenten · 08/05/2022 19:16

She sounds obsessed with you!

This!

Its like the start of an ITV drama ... not sure in a good way either 😬😬😬

Manova14 · 09/05/2022 05:16

Bloody hell OP these sound like plot points out of Nighty Night, I'm not surprised it bothers you. I think you should write it up into a script proposal and send it to Julia Davis!
Seriously though, tell family members not to talk to you about it, disengage, minimise your communication with him/them. Boundaries boundaries boundaries is the mantra with shit like this.

Addicted2LuvIsland · 09/05/2022 05:24

SickAndTiredAgain · 08/05/2022 19:26

She uses my part of the married name

What does this mean?

I assume that she uses her maiden name as part of the surname as in double barrelled.

Addicted2LuvIsland · 09/05/2022 05:26

But I thought they weren't married so I am confused as to why she has any surname at all.

SomeonesRealName · 09/05/2022 05:56

I'm 8 years in and managed to get past the initial white hot rage stage relatively quickly and without acting on any of my murderous impulses! So I'm sorry to hear you are suffering. I'm very meh about OW and XH these days and have to see them quite regularly so it's a good job! Have you had any counselling? Reading a lot of Chump Lady threads helped me attain a healthy level of disdain for the pair of them - it's not for everyone but it might help.

BadLad · 09/05/2022 07:17

Addicted2LuvIsland · 09/05/2022 05:26

But I thought they weren't married so I am confused as to why she has any surname at all.

It says they never had a proper wedding, which I took to mean that they are married, but didn't have much of an actual ceremony and party, if at all.

TabithaTittlemouse · 09/05/2022 07:23

Your title is weird.

frazzledasarock · 09/05/2022 07:25

I’m so sorry this has happened to you OP.

your ex and OW sound unhinged and unhealthily obsessed with you.

ask relatives to stop telling you anything about them and stop all communication with your ex unless it’s to do with your shared DC.

but do keep an eye on their supposed move to near you. I’d want to know if ex moved near me.

For what it’s worth ex had an affair (several I think), and he’s married to OW, she will always be OW to me I don’t care how long they’re together for. And he’ll always be the dickhead.

ImAvingOops · 09/05/2022 07:26

She posts photos of brides with her head superimposed on the image? Bunny boiler sounds about right!
I agree that she sounds very focused on you - happy women don't try to replicate the life lived by their partner's ex wife!

If reasonably amicable, I would talk to my ex h and say it's a bit concerning how much she tries to imitate your life and that you don't think it's healthy or fair for her to move near you. If he has any consideration for you, he will move elsewhere.

Failing that (actually you should do this anyway), block all SM and tell relatives you don't want to hear anything about either of them unless it is to go with your children's welfare. I think the best way to get over something is to act like they don't exist.

Herejustforthisone · 09/05/2022 08:01

Yikes.

I hope your husband realises now what a catastrophic mistake it is when you think with your dick.

Seasidemumma77 · 09/05/2022 09:20

Ow sounds terribly insecure, not surprising considering she knows your exh is a proven cheater.

I have to see ow on an almost daily basis (small town), I have gone past feelings of rage to now utter pity. I've stood back and watched as she's gone from thinking she'd found a prince to discovering she'd landed herself an absolute shit.

NewandNotImproved · 09/05/2022 09:28

All you need to do is tell your relatives to not pass on gossip to you, you have no need or want to know about your shitty ex and his choice of lover.

Swipe left for the next trending thread