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Original poster

Found calls between Husband and another woman

35 replies

rosyposey23 · 08/05/2022 00:43

Found WhatsApp calls between my husband and another person, no name just a picture of 3 children under 5. A few were video chats at 4am he works away!
My gut did somersaults i just knew it was a female then..
I confronted him in the morning and asked if he had been calling other woman... Don't be stupid he replies, I then ask him to scroll through his call list...There i say.....she's just a friend he says ...I ask him to call her then but he says no and then I loose it big time.
You know in your heart at that moment that the person who only said last night before he went to bed loves you,is a liar and a cheat!!!
I went absolutely crazy , screaming and telling him to leave, my world was torn apart. We were together for 5 years .and in that time i have dealt with him flirting with my best friend and another girl i know so he made me feel disrespected All he kept saying was she was a friend..
He left with a bag and two black bin liners of clothes.
He kept saying..I can't believe your doing this to me , but no inclination of anything else.
He moved back to his home town and I was left with no answers
He did not contact me to try and explain why he would be video chatting a friend at 4am in the morning .
I called him doing the whole crying thing begging him to tell me what happened but again said she's just a friend i have known for 30 years..Hes 56 .
I love him so much and we are now talking but he wants time away and doesn't want to keep going over it again and again.
I was going to go on a holiday we had previously booked alone but now we are talking, he wants to come but I don't think I can be with him.
He says I am his world and he will never do it again .Any female friends he will tell me if there is contact.
Any suggestions please. X

.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 08/05/2022 00:47

Well you either bin the relationship or going forward, set some ground rules.

Hawkins001 · 08/05/2022 00:48

That said, all the best and positivity op

TibetanTerrah · 08/05/2022 00:57

Yeah you've kicked him out, and when he hasn't come crawling back, you've come crawling back to HIM. He's got his OW and is now sniffing around you, you've become the OW effectively.

Grab back your dignity and walk away for good.

Bunty55 · 08/05/2022 00:59

Oh he's a cheat. When the trust is gone, what is left?

Fizzyfish · 08/05/2022 01:20

I think you should've got a better explanation from him before kicking him out, he still owes you more of an explanation that you got.

MsDogLady · 08/05/2022 01:22

@rosyposey23, you rumbled him and rightfully kicked him out, but then you turned around and did the pick-me-dance. Now he’s got you dancing to his tune.

He’s not interested in a monogamous relationship. Only reunite if you don’t mind sharing him with other women.

BemoreDerek · 08/05/2022 01:31

If you go back you are giving him the green light to cheat, why wouldn't he when he knows you will still have him back? Even if he didn't, could you ever truly trust him again? Don't consign yourself to a life of wondering who that text he just got was from and what he could be up to at 4am when he's working away when you could have a nice, uncomplicated, trusting relationship with someone else. Accept that he ruined it and it can never be fixed and stop talking to him, he has everything to gain by talking you round but you will gain nothing of value by letting him.

Onthedunes · 08/05/2022 01:46

Was the picture on whatsapp just the three chilren under 5, or was she in the picture.

How old is she, if he's known her 30 years are they her children or grandchildren.

Anyway he's a liar.
Your options, non manogomy or being single. I don't think I would trust this one.

splishsplashsploshsplish · 08/05/2022 01:52

I would not go on holiday with him and I would not trust him again.

MsDogLady · 08/05/2022 02:19

@rosyposey23, you know he’s a bad bet. He has a history of crossing boundaries with your best friend and another woman, which speaks volumes. Then while working away he makes video calls to yet another woman at 4 a.m., and lies about it.

Why on earth would you settle for so little?

DaftyLass · 08/05/2022 02:29

So you know he is a dirty bastard, why would you want him back?

frozendaisy · 08/05/2022 03:42

Take a deep breath OP.

Go on the holiday alone and sort your head out a bit.

You are all over the place. Honestly in 5 years this is far too much drama. Is he some kind of George Clooney god? 56 yr old thinking he can have woman after woman lining up for him.

But you sound extreme as well. You lost it, screaming, begging. This is no way to exist. It sounds like neither of you bring out the best in the other.

He wants time away but wants to come on holiday. Which is intense time together.

He says you are his world but doesn't want to go over it again. Either you are his world and he sits down calmly and let's you ask anything you like or he doesn't.

But seriously go on that holiday alone, drama free, and really think is this the relationship you want? Has it ever really been the relationship you want? Was he just harmless flirting and you rose to feeling disrespected? Are you too controlling of who and how he can talk to any female?

It all sounds very disfunctional.

Seraphinesupport · 08/05/2022 04:58

well she is obviously not just a friend if you dont know about her as that means he has kept her a secret also 4am video calls isnt just a friendly chat.

personally i could and would never trust him again, not like hes been perfect in every way from the beginning seeing as he flirts with your friend.

Go on the holiday alone, use it to gain perspective that actually being single isnt the end all, go have some fun, meet new people meet new men... or not. Thank him for allowing you the freedom now to go live your life for yourself whilst he loses a good woman. turn it around so that he has lost something not you.

Monty27 · 08/05/2022 05:47

You're going to opt for the pick me dance then?
It's your life and dignity at stake.
Cancel him on the holiday and go by yourself.

whymewhyme · 08/05/2022 06:13

He's a cheat

Justleaveitblankthen · 08/05/2022 06:52

Flirting with your best friend is bad enough. He's 56, going on 16.
Absolutely no to the going on holiday with him. You will spend all of it doing the 'pick me' dance. Use the precious time to be alone now. This holiday is very fortunate, don't waste it on him.

Herejustforthisone · 08/05/2022 07:03

You did the right thing in the first place telling him to fuck off. He has form OP. He’s not going to stop indulging himself in other women. Don’t do it to yourself. Kill the relationship.

Fraaahnces · 08/05/2022 07:15

Do you call “just a friend” men at 4:00 in the morning? My guess is no.
He’s proved himself to be a sketchy bugger. Let him go. (Or call the woman yourself.)

KangarooKenny · 08/05/2022 07:19

So you want him back so he can do it again ? More fool you.
Did he say he wouldn’t do it again after flirting with your two friends ?

KylieCharlene · 08/05/2022 07:26

Do not go on holiday with him!
Grab some self respect. You're worth more than this.
He's the one who should be calling crying.
Tell him it's over and you no longer want any contact. You're moving on to better things- he blew it with you.

Sunnygirl1 · 08/05/2022 07:29

I would phone that number and see if that woman tells you the truth.

You might not have the number I guess?

ScrumptiousBears · 08/05/2022 07:34

Apart from these calls you said he also flirted with your best friend and another woman. No doubt if they and been interested he at well have gone there. I think it's best to leave it there and move on.

Rainbowshit · 08/05/2022 08:28

You did the right thing chucking him out. If he really wanted you he'd have been contacting you trying to explain and asking to come back.

Instead you're begging him to come back. You've just given him the green light to keep cheating.

GreyCarpet · 08/05/2022 08:40

A friend of 30 years who you don't even know about after 5 years of marriage?

Nah, you know what's going on here.

Hiddenvoice · 08/05/2022 10:05

I have a male friend (ex friend) who phoned me and then video chatted me at that time in the morning. I barely sleep so answered it not really thinking. He was friendly at first, just wanted to catch up and then he turned very flirty and tried to become sexual. I ended the call. He has a partner and when j confronted him, he claimed that he was ‘frustrated’ and that they don’t get along anymore. It was full of excuses for his behaviour.
Please don’t go on holiday with this man. This is essentially the third time he’s hurt you by trying it on with another woman. I know you’re hurting and miss him, it will take time to get over him but don’t let him use you. He doesn’t want to spend time with you now but will somehow want to go on holiday with you?
Either you go on the holiday alone or he goes on it alone. Whoever goes on the holiday- use the time to not have any contact with him. Take the time to keep your distance from him and ignore his messages.