Prostitute

[childrensservant]

Ok. Here goes.
background - I have vaginitis for the last 20 yrs. I am overweight, have v low self esteem and have depression. Am also in middle of menopause.
we haven’t had sex or been intimate for several years. I know. Pretty crap right.
In the past I have suspected dh has had an affair, and visited a prostitute. I tried to talk to him but he accused me of being jealous and denied it all. Now I just found a weird text message, and I called the number which was a recorded message for “classy Rebecca”. He’d booked 1 hour with her a few weeks ago.
I have such low esteem, I don’t know how to broach this again. Or what to do.
please help me.

Oh my lovely please do not think this is your fault. He should have discussed how a sexless marriage effects your marriage and how you could both move forward. Instead he chose to pay for sex with no Regards to your feelings. As pp have said gather up your evidence see a Solicitor and take time to find out what benefits you will be entitled to. CAB will help you sending you a hand hold. Keep posting on here you will get lots of advice on this forum xx

Thank you all for being so kind and supportive.
today is our wed anniversary and we haven’t spoken yet. I left for work early and won’t be back until he’s left for his work.
i think I need to carry on as if I don’t know for now. Get myself together, loose some weight etc and save like mad. To be honest im really scared about leaving and coping financially on my own.
ive retreated to my car for a little cry at the moment. I think this is just forcing me to come to terms with the end of our marriage.

I think it’s just all up to how you feel about it OP. You need to find out how often it was happening first and from them you can make an informed decision on whether to stay or go. Is he a good husband otherwise? If you find it hard to communicate with your partner Perhaps it would be easier just to write a letter to him? Or even a long text? That way you can make sure you’ve got everything you want to say off your chest and go from there.
I would say if you choose to stay you should do something completely selfish for yourself!

Prostitute was placed in quotation marks because many people choosing that career prefer to be called escorts. Some previous posters seem to be referring to the type of woman you’d see on street corners, which attracts more troubled woman. Whereas this lady is booked in advance or through an agency by the sounds of the phone call and markets herself as classy which points towards an escort.

I also know that women and gay men also use sex workers - with men

I've worked with sex workers on and off for 30 years. I've probably met and chatted with hundreds. Never met a male sex worker who exclusively works with women. plenty of men (boys really) who had sex with men. Never women. It's vanishingly rare.

I'm sure you 're aware that if you removed all the workers who were abused as children, had serious ACE, are addicted, are below the poverty live, are trafficked, are pimped, are in some way coerced or pressured, you'd be left with very very few sex workers. So few in fact, that any man who used one knowing that is essentially a rapist.

I think this is just forcing me to come to terms with the end of our marriage.

This is the hard bit. Everything else is just steps to freedom. You'll be OK.

As others have pointed out it’s irrelevant that a small minority of women use the sex industry
I also have inside knowledge of the industry and I would assume that ad someone who’s worked in if you would have a far better understanding . You acknowldledge that it’s a ‘fraught and risky sector ‘ your words . Yet feel that it’s fine for men to support it and use women that way …. Okaaaay then
it’s clear no one’s going to change your mind and frankly that doesn’t surprise it affect me . There will always be apologists for johns
so yeah let’s ‘park it ‘