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Original poster

Recently split up... sad and lonely

34 replies

loupielou1 · 02/05/2022 17:27

Hi all. I've recently split up with my fiancé of 4years and I am feeling so sad, alone. I'm not eating great as I feel sick, haven't slept much. I just keep wanted to cry. My now ex fiancé cheated on me by messaging young women... he did this a year ago and I forgave him and gave him another chance but as he's been so distant with me recently, I looked at his phone and found messages and pictures saved of young women again. I told him to leave and that I never wanted to see him again. We was due to get married at the end of the year and we was planning on having a baby. I also found a message of a baby which he claimed was his in the message but when I asked him he said he thought it was but it turned out it wasn't... I just couldn't make any sense of this. I don't know really what I want from posting this. I just want to vent I guess and ask for any advice on stop feeling the way I do. I keep thinking of the good times and I'm missing him but I know I shouldn't let him back again but it's hard as I feel so alone

OP posts:
HeDidWhattt · 02/05/2022 17:32

How can you feel alone? You’ve only just split up with someone recently so how can you feel lonely, I think your mixing your emotions up, why do you feel alone instead of hurt or angry or happy?

you should feel happy about it, your life is going to go in a whole new direction now, could be something absolutely amazing ahead!!!

Depending on your character and where you stand in your stage of life……the easiest way to get over a bloke is to…….

Original poster
loupielou1 · 02/05/2022 17:51

@HeDidWhattt I felt angry at first which is why I told him to leave. But now I feel hurt and upset. I feel lonely as he isn't here anymore so I'm on my own. My whole world has crashed down. All my dreams with him now gone. I keep thinking of asking him back but know that probably isn't best.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/05/2022 17:54

Taking him back would be the biggest mistake of your life. He's a lying, cheating scumbag and he would have no issue with ruining your life. Block him and move on.

Mintchocicechip · 02/05/2022 17:54

Sending you s hug. I've just dumped a pig of my own.. taking my money. Messaging his ex. Always had women dramas.

It's tough isn't it. I am 18 days past the split and 22 days since I saw him.

Mintchocicechip · 02/05/2022 17:55

Taking him back won't change him. He's an idiot who is easily influenced by his willy. He's insecure and his ego needs pumping up knowing other women want him. It's horrible and trust me you are not alone. X

Original poster
loupielou1 · 02/05/2022 18:07

@Mintchocicechip thank you and I'm sorry you're in the same boat as me. He never met them, it was just messaging which he keeps saying and I know that's true but I don't think that justifies it which I've said. I just ask him why and he just said he was because he was having mental health issues. I know he's just trying to make me feel sorry for him - and it does make me wonder if I've made the right decision as I know he's got mental health issues as he's been grieving. He just won't answer me about why he never told me about a baby he had/wasn't his situation as it was a few months before we got together. It's really bugging me as I don't know how true it is

OP posts:
Original poster
loupielou1 · 02/05/2022 18:10

I feel like all our relationship was built on lies and I never truly knew him - if that makes sense. My mind is going overdrive and I can't stop thinking about it. I went out shopping today to keep busy but when I heard a baby cry.. I was nearly in tears. I didn't really enjoy the shopping and went home

OP posts:
GreenLunchBox · 02/05/2022 18:20

Oh god, he sounds awful. You have dodged a bullet.

Thank God you didn't have a baby with him.

In a year's time you will look back and wonder WTF you were thinking. I promise.

Original poster
loupielou1 · 02/05/2022 18:39

@GreenLunchBox I hope so x

OP posts:
LightSpeeds · 02/05/2022 18:42

Blimey!! Ignore HeDidWhattt's insensitive post above...

LightSpeeds · 02/05/2022 18:44

Sorry, posted too soon... And I'm sorry about what you've been through. It will hurt for a long time but you will get to a better place. Sending you a big hug...

myarsebiscuits · 02/05/2022 18:45

First off. Big hug Flowers

I know you're feeling lonely. I understand.

But it's better you find out now before marriage and kids what a dick he is and how you can't trust him.

A disastrous marriage is far more lonely.

I know it doesn't feel like it now but this is a good thing. It is the start of your new life.

Acknowledge the sadness and grief of ending a long relationship. And then allow yourself to rebuild your life.

CanterburyTrot · 02/05/2022 19:03

Its a phase, OP.

You are still recovering/healing.

You are missing him. But just wait it out. I think 'life' will slowly start to move through your veins. Just take the quiet time to heal and be peaceful in the meantime. Its a natural process and you can't hurry it. So try and just be with it for now and soon you will start to feel brighter - weeks, months later - but it will happen.

Original poster
loupielou1 · 02/05/2022 19:46

Thank you all. I'm just worried with how I'm going to cope. I've struggled with mental health before and I was on AD as I was feeling suicidal. but I came off them 2 years ago and I felt fine but now I'm feeling like I might have to go back on them if my feelings get worse.

OP posts:
something2say · 03/05/2022 06:21

It's ok to acknowledge and sit with the pain. An important relationship in your life has suddenly ended, and with betrayal too. That's a big deal.

I too am going through a breakup. Its horrible and sad. But self care and quiet time, and doing jobs are what's pulling me through.

I'm sorry you're going through this x

girlmom21 · 03/05/2022 06:25

He never met anyone but he thought somebody else's baby might be his? I know it hurts but bloody hell you've dodged a bullet.

Do you have friends you can spend time with?

Mintchocicechip · 03/05/2022 06:44

You'll find most men who do this will say they have mental health issues or they were lonely. It's no excuse. It's completely damaging. He will do it again. Maybe in 6 months. Maybe in 2 years. Eventually one of those girls will offer more and he will end up going to see them. It's horrible. Believe me I've tried with mine too. They don't know how to stop. The best thing men like that can do is stay single and leave is to find someone who can focus on us.

You don't deserve this. You deserve to be happy. Not in an adult child relationship (him being the child)

My exes cousin said to me

He always wants more than he can have.

That's always stayed with me. It's True. Some men just love women and they don't need a connection. They just need attention. You are the loyal partner and can't understand it because you have no interest in phone sex or sleazy chats in Facebook messenger with random men. It's pathetic isnt it? But that's how they work. You can't change it. They are just out for themselves and want people to feel sorry for them.

My ex has women watching eachother because he create insecurity within us all.

My ex also is still in love with his ex. He may aswel have left me alone.

ChillOutPlease · 03/05/2022 06:49

You have totally done the right thing. It might seem really hard now but it would be a million times harder if you'd have gone through with the wedding, had a baby and then split up.
Now, as hard as it is, you can have a clean break and not be tied to him through a child. You've still got time to meet someone amazing and you'll look back and think what a lucky escape you had.

HYT · 03/05/2022 07:03

I think the first step is to acknowledge that these feelings are perfectly normal and to accept them. You then need to try to keep yourself busy so if it is evenings when you miss him and dwell on things then take up an activity that will keep you occupied at that time. The gym is by far the best one for that as they are open late and feel good chemicals you will generate there will help ease some of these feelings. He sounds a bad one so you really need to stick to your guns. A new opportunity will come your way in time.

Original poster
loupielou1 · 03/05/2022 16:47

@Mintchocicechip thank you I like what your cousin had said to you... it's like have the cake and eat it too. Thank you so much for your kind words and your own words of wisdom - I'm so sorry you had to go through the same xx

OP posts:
Original poster
loupielou1 · 03/05/2022 16:49

@something2say thank you. I'm sorry you are going through it too. I am keeping myself busy with work and at home etc. I have older kids myself and I'm reamaining strong in front of them. It's just the night time and mornings I'm struggling with crying

OP posts:
Original poster
loupielou1 · 03/05/2022 16:51

@ChillOutPlease I thought this too - it would've been harder if we was married and had a child together. Part of me is glad lockdown on the weddings happened as we had a date booked but had to cancel due to lockdown. I had a lucky escape there

OP posts:
Original poster
loupielou1 · 03/05/2022 16:53

@HYT gym sounds like a good idea... I've never been to the gym as I've always been quite self conscious. But I might do an online exercise routine or something just to keep myself occupied in the evenings and I know exercise makes people feel better... plus it would be good for me to get fit again as I've put on so much weight and hate my body at the moment. Thank you x

OP posts:
Itstimetoquit · 13/05/2022 09:59

How are you op x

Original poster
loupielou1 · 13/05/2022 13:14

@Itstimetoquit finding things very difficult 😥

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