Marriage is almost over. Need to be alone with my thoughts. How.

[NeedToBeAlone]

Name changed.

Marriage is practically over. I have no energy to fight any more. All I want to do is be is alone with my thoughts. But we have the awkward problem of one house, one car etc.

I asked him to go to his parents, but he won't. I don't have anywhere to go.

I really need some space.

How do people cope when relationships break down and you still have to live under one roof?

I desperately need to be alone with my thoughts. But I don't know how to do it.

so sorry

Do you have children?

Yes 2 young boys

Are they staying with you?

Can you make up separate rooms so you can have your own bed space?

Why doesn't he want to leave? Does he think the marriage can be saved?

You poor thing.

Can you get out of the house even for an hour? Take the kids to the library or soft play or even park?

Message withdrawn

We are all currently living together. There is no room to have my own space. I don't know why he doesn't want to leave. I only asked him to give me some space this weekend. He says it is because they went to his folks for New Year, but I think he just doesn't want to tell them what is going on. I am getting so stressed. And what is worse, I also want to get drunk to block it all out, but I know if I do it will only be used as amunition against me.

DO you know what your legal position is regarding the house? If not, make an appointment to see a solicitior and (here' the clever bit) allow yourself half an hour or so either side of the appointment just to sit on a park bench/in a caff somewhere, alone and in peace. THis also might help your soon-to-be-XP to realise you are serious about separating.

I think you need to talk to him.

I have no money of my own. I have a very good friend who would let me stay with her, but she lives in the same road. And that is a bit too close I think. I don't have any family of my own around me who could take the children. I like the idea of a soft play park, just to get out of the house, but I suppose I am selfishly wanting some time completely alone.

We own the house jointly. We were both working when we bought it 7 years ago. How do I go about seeing a solicitor? Sorry, this is new territory for me

This sounds like a horribly trapped position for you to be in.

Your DH is being unreasonable in not letting you have even one night of space. You are not being unreasonable to say to him, "I do not want you to move out for a long period but please just give me 36 hours where I can be alone".

I don't mean to ask the obvious but do you not have any friends or family who could put you up for a day or two?

To be fair, if both of you accept the relationship is at an end, you both owe it to each other to give each other some space - and that means him being away to give you some space and vice versa.

If none of the above are possible, you need to talk to someone non-judgmental who will listen to what you have to say. This can be a very good way of working through your thoughts. If it is someone who you don't know (i.e. not family or friends) this can in effect be "time alone" with your thoughts. Best for this would undeoubtedly be Samaritans, they will listen, let you talk and think, without trying to offer advice or judge you. I used them 15 years ago when I was going through a tough time and found them to be very helpful.

Good luck

sorry, all those other posts came in while I was typing, sorry if I repeated stuff...

Could you go to a cheap travel lodge without the children just for a night? Could leave at their bedtime and come back in the morning but at least you could clear your head.

Thank you for all the advice. I need to feed the children now but I will think through some of the ideas and come back. Thank you.

even going to stay with your friend in the same road would help......i think so anyway.
simply being out of the house for a couple of days would help IMO....
i recently split from my long term partner and had to live under the same roof for two months, and even though it was a big house it was emotionally very hard.
i was fortunate that i had friends to stay with for short periods during that time and it really did help.....
i hope you can find some space for yourself

postingatlast - I feel trapped. Very trapped. I do not have any family, but I do have some good friends. But they all have famiies of their own and what I really need right now is time alone.

He will be home from work soon and I am going to ask him again about the weekend.

Maybe I didn't make it clear earlier. I think the relationship is over. I am not sure whether he does or not. It is me that is driving the separation. (I suspect I have lost any more hope of support now I have said that )

No you haven't. I don't have any constructive thoughts for you but just wanted to let you know you were being heard.

I'm sorry this is a very traumatic time for you and I feel sure that for empathetic people it is far harder to be the one leaving than to be the one being left.

Sorry xx

could your good friend look after boys while you escape swimming or libary or walk anything?

He's just come home. Gulp

If anything, I have more sympathy for you now that you have said you are the one who wants to leave. While (I suppose) some people might say that your DP is 'trying to save the relationship' by refusing to leave you alone or give you any space to think, I think one of the most basic truths going is that you can't force a person to remain in a relationship with you if they don't want to, and trying makes you either a loser or a bully.
OF course, if he gave you a bit of breathing space in the first place you might not have wanted to be rid of him...

Let someone go and they may come back....

I hope it all works out and you get the time you need.

needtobealone...........you have my total sympathy as in my situation it was me who ended the relationship too....i'll be thinking of you and will pop back in this thread and wait for news.
take care of yourself honey

Just had a long chat. He is not happy but I kept impressing that I need some space. So in the end he said he would go to his folks. But now I feel like the bully , except I do need the space. He is ringing them now..

This is all so complicated. Much more so than I have said on here. I am really stressed. And feela a prize bitch

Take the time. It is done now so don't feel guilty. You are not a bully and if you feel like that you could say he had been for not letting you have space. Take care.