My partner drinks too much

[Luby34]

I've been dating a new man for 3 months who seems really nice and caring. I'm enjoying his company apart from his unhealthy lifestyle. He is very tall, 6ft8 (201cm) but says that he can drink up to 15 pints because of his height but I hate it when he has more than 3. He says because of his height it means he can drink quickly- which I think is ridiculous. He doesn't get drunk with that amount but he has gained a lot of weight because of beer (1 pint = 200 calories), he has already had 2 cardiac arrests and he has asthma... I feel he isnt looking after himself. He doesn't appear down, he just drinks because he likes the taste and a chance to unwind. I definitely don't mind him having a beer now and again to relax or socially with friends, but I reckon he consumes at least 30 pints per week... and I hate it...i hate it because he is not looking after his health. Yesterday he met my family for the first time and we went out to a restaurant for a meal where he had 10 pints! How can i get through to him, he is being stubborn using his height as an excuse?

He is an alcoholic, a functioning one but he has an alcohol problem.
3 months in? Run the other way
Because alcohol problems get worse not better

3 months in, ditch him. Drinking 15 pints is not drinking to unwind, he knows that, you know that. You two are not compatible and you do not need to stay with this dysfunctional person.

He's not really your partner after 3 months, unless you are living together. I think you are both deluded (and I mean this kindly, even if that doesn't come across). But at least you suspect something is wrong. He doesn't. 10 pints is insanity. You can do so much better in life, single or with someone.

"nice and caring" - come on, he's simply not pissed all the time and not a serial murderer. raise the bar.

I mean is pissed all the time!

He met your family for the first time and drank 10 pints? How embarrassing for you, did they say anything? I'm sure they were thinking it, that's awful behaviour. He wouldn't be meeting mine for a second time.

Three month? He's not a partner, he's not even a boyfriend. He's some alcoholic loser you've been dating. Give your head a massive wobble and dump him immediately. This is not a man you want anything to do with.

After three months he is surely just a boyfriend/date not partner, which makes it easier to take heed of this massive red flag. You don't drink ten pints meeting a girlfriends parents the first time because you like the taste, definitely an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and that is not an easy fix.

Run for the hills, it's easier to get out now. Do you want to invest months or years of your life in an alcoholic who spends loads of money on alcohol and prioritises their relationship with alcohol over you?
You can find a nice caring bloke who doesn't drink just as easily as you can find one who does drink.

if I ever suffer a cardiac arrest (and make it through) that would give me pause for thought about my health regime. But two? With no change? bin.

He won't change. Don't waste any more of your time on him. Leave him to his beer and get back out there.

Fuck that.

He will justify what he wants to do because he wants to carry on doing it. 10 pints the first time he met your parents, what on earth did they think ? If he's like this 3 months in it won't get better, you won't fix him. Move on find someone who suits you better.

Agreed, fuck that. Alcoholism, and all the associated behaviours that come with it, is mentally draining, isolating and lonely for any partner. Count yourself lucky that you've realised this three months in and that you can do something about it (ie: get rid) before you think it's too difficult to.

He's your newish boyfriend, not a partner. By calling him your partner after such a short time, you're making the relationship seem more important than it really is. There's a chance that thinking that way, makes dumping him a bigger deal than it should be.

Ditch him. Move on, this wont get any better.

Thats roughly 75 units a week. My DH drinks the same. 14 units is recommended. Its problem drinking

Don't let him move in with you. He must have a good job to afford all this beer.

Men like him do my head in. Just because he can doesn't mean he should. What does he want? A medal? Its not an achievement or anything to be proud of. Ten pints 🤯 in one session. Zero self control.

Tell him that youre going to run for the hills and let him drink himself into an early grave on his own.

I only put partner because I feel too old to say boyfriend! I'm 38, he is 37 nearly...and i know at that age people tend to have embedded their own thing and won't change. Thanks everyone, I just needed a bit of advice.

You’ll end up looking after him in later life because he’s unhealthy and alcoholic, if he drank ten pints the first time he met your family god knows what they must think, he’s a pisshead and he’ll drain you of money, do you really want this for the rest of your life? he seems to be proud of the amount of alcohol he pours down his neck, get rid of him he’s a liability.

Don't do it. I drink far too much and should cut down, but 10 pints is obscene.

Cut you losses. He's had a cardiac arrest already and still drinks like a fish.

3 months in you hate it and your entering that stage of wanting him to change who he is and what he does. Not going to go well. Find someone who doesn't drink too much, instead a person that you have to try and change. He's happy with it, if you're not, you know what to do.

2 cardiac arrests and he's nearly 37? Says he can drink up to 15 pints quickly because he's an alcoholic tall? Sounds like a real catch.

Some gems here. I want to round some of them up.

They don't change.
You can't fix them. They don't consider themselves broken.
Poor habits lead to health problems.
Mismatch in what you think is appropriate behaviour.

What did your family make of it I wonder?

It's only been three months so I'd bin him off as you have different outlooks and priorities and he's an alcoholic that I wouldn't want to live with