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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Shouldn't of done this ?

37 replies

Roman414 · 30/04/2022 10:04

I'm married and have been for 15 years. To say the relationship is a bit stale is an understatement. Husband is a good guy but works non stop , leaving me to manage a full time job, 2 Dcs and all the housework.

We literally dont talk anymore and I dont mind admitting I'm lonely.
Last night I went out and came home and messaged a Male friend about music we had a bit of banter ( for context know each other for 25 years) nothing sexual at all ,but then he invited me round to his house to use his hot tub. I said no and then ended the messages saying i was off to bed.
This morning I've checked them and theres nothing untoward but I feel really bad.
Like I shouldn't be messaging late at night and has it given him the wrong impression?
Not sure what to do ,should I block him etc ? Or am I overreacting ?Not sure how happy my husband would be . Think I've been pissed and felt a bit fed up as husband went to bed and just left me sitting there.
Any advice,I dont want to leave my marriage but unsure what to do .

OP posts:

StrawberryPot · 30/04/2022 12:05

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newbiename · 30/04/2022 12:05

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caecilius1 · 30/04/2022 12:08

@Roman414
It might be worth reporting your post and re-posting it, in light of all the derailing.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 30/04/2022 12:14

He is a police officer

reason enough to end any chat with this one.

op, HE was inappropriate. HE was testing your boundaries. He is the one who is not a good person. You did the right thing. Now you know who he really is.

talk to your husband about how you feel like everything is on you and you feel so lonely as you dont make time for each other. Work on those issues as they are the actual problem.

GreenClock · 30/04/2022 12:22

Forget about message-man and talk to your husband. Make it clear that this is your last attempt at saving your marriage, and mean it!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 30/04/2022 12:35

OP, you really have nothing to reproach yourself for but perhaps, as previous poster has suggested, it's time to re-evaluate your marriage; you do sound bored and fed up with it.

===
Ladywhatever and the rest of the puffed-up prefects on the thread. Pedants' Corner isn't as you describe, or certainly wasn't. It was more about the love of language, not a mecca for the self-appointed red pen brigade. Bad form.

Discovereads · 30/04/2022 12:37

Roman414 · 30/04/2022 11:23

We dont speak very often every few months or so , so I dont message him everyday or anything like that .
Yeah I think he probably thought he was in with a chance which has made me think about things.
Hes a police officer so doesnt work standard shifts , I'm also now worried as so is my sisters husband so convinced myself he will say something to him,even though they work in different departments in different areas.Feel like I'm causing myself unnecessary hassle.
I've had my mum and dad die in the last 6 months and feel very lost. I'm having counselling so maybe I need to discuss this.

If you’re worried that he will tell your husband porkies about the messaging, then tell your husband about it now. You’ve done nothing wrong at all. You messaged a friend and then he came on to you and you shut him down.

Your relationship with your DH is a separate issue and I agree you do need to talk to your DH about how lonely and unloved you feel. Suggest he may be a workaholic and the addiction/working nonstop is what is affecting the relationship as he’s taking you for granted to do everything else and it also leaves no time for you two to do anything together at all.

Pumperthepumper · 30/04/2022 12:45

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Pumperthepumper · 30/04/2022 12:45

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They’re also incorrect here.

Pumperthepumper · 30/04/2022 12:46

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MNHQ

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 30/04/2022 12:56

Hello. We've removed several posts for grammar policing. Please stop derailing the thread. Thanks.

Iamnotamermaid · 30/04/2022 13:07

Ok, I will say this is a complete over reaction. You are an individual and allowed male friends. This one may have tried his luck but you said no to the hot tube invite and went to bed. You contacted him out of loneliness rather than a desire to cheat.

But it has shone a light on your relationship with your husband and that is what you should be focusing on right now.

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