New friend pushing boundaries?

[Definitelymabel]

Hi, quick back story.. Single mum with a long-term single dad partner who doesn't live with me (both our choices), 2 children DD5 and DS4.

I've recently become friends with the parents of a girl who my daughter has become close to in reception year.

They seem nice and very friendly and we've been on a few family days out type play dates together, although the last two times it was just the dad, as I've recently learnt the mum suffers with depression so doesn't often have the energy to socialise.

My partner and his kids joined us recently on a beach day, and afterwards he raised some worries he has about the friends dad. He pointed out that twice in the afternoon the dad mentioned having my daughter over for a sleepover, once in front of my DD who got very excited and was begging me to let her (i think she's a bit too young at the minute so had to say no repeatedly).

We were also running late leaving which could have messed with an appointment. As soon as this came up, the friends dad instantly offered to take my 2 kids back to his for an hour or so until after my appointment. As it happened it wasn't needed as we got back to the car on time.

My partner thinks he may have suspicious motives in pushing so hard to get my DD unsupervised, or at the very least he is pushing boundaries which he sees as a red flag.

I'm not so sure and just thought he was a friendly hands on dad type, but maybe I've been a bit charmed?

What's the group feeling on this?

Red flag for me too.

I’d rather be suspicious and wrong, than too innocent and wrong.

I’m envious of all those posters who don’t see a problem. Some experiences change you forever.

Do you know if he and his partner ever get alone time or have anyone to mind their daughter?
Sometimes people offer things like that in the hopes that the other family will then offer a sleepover back or help with the odd favour here and there.

I wouldn't be letting my daughter go to the sleepover anyway, but maybe that was his motive for being so pushy.

Trust your instincts.

Im with your partner on this one. Decent men are aware enough to not push for unsupervised contact with a young girl when you hardly know them. That this person does not is concerning. I would be making a point to never allow that to happen with this person.

^This.

I’m always surprised at how many women I see on MN tying themselves in knots working out if they are justified in being suspicious of a man. Is it because women are socialised to be ‘nice’ and ‘fair’?

Even a hint of a potential risk of this sort is enough for you to be on high alert. It’s not like you’re going to run around screaming ‘paedo!!!’ at him, why wouldn’t you take your partner’s suspicions seriously?

Decent, normal, people forget one very important fact that predators use to their advantage: they operate in plain sight, because they see opportunities for their own agendas where a normal person would not think there is any risk whatsoever.

And fwiw - whether she’s 5 or 7 or 12: There is no age at which children (girls especially) are not vulnerable to potential predators.

Yup