Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How to talk about difficult marriage and not …

53 replies

RedMake88 · 25/04/2022 17:53

be disrespectful?

I feel I’m going through a difficult time in my marriage. Basically husband is super stressed at work. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells as he brings that stress home.

ive shared details of this with my DM, my aunt and uncle (I’m v close to them).

I guess I’m seeking tools of how to support DH with his stress and how to stop him bringing it home. However it’s making me feel disrespectful to DH as I’m having to give details of our arguments and how he sometimes treats me. It’s worrying me it’s tarnishing their image of him.

I must admit DM came away with us all last year and she really picked up on his stress and how he treats me as a result. She found it upsetting.

The pandemic has been a particularly stressful time and DH is on edge with his work. I feel like he’s changed so much. My Aunt suggested writing things down and then showing my DH then she said he needs to get some sort of business coach/counselling to work through his issues.

im starting to withdraw and feel really down as I don’t know what to do. I literally feel like I’m on eggshells all the time as I don’t know how he’ll react to something as simple as me putting a washing load on when it’s not our usual washing time (Ie we get the washing done at the weekend).

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 27/04/2022 13:21

I would just sit him down and say "right enough either you are a loving husband and dad who doesn't take all his work stress out in me (and the kids) which means no huffing and puffing if I need to do a wash in the week FFS if I do more in the week we get more family time at the weekend. Huffing and puffing if I touch you in bed then you gave to start your whole bedtime routine again. Life really is too short to be huffed at for basic normal behaviour. You turn it on at me because as soon as anyone else is around you're fine,more than fine. So fuck this. We all have stress but our spouses are not supposed to be the cause they are supposed to be part of the solution but you are the cause of my stress. So enough now we can't continue like this."

Original poster
RedMake88 · 27/04/2022 13:24

frozendaisy · 27/04/2022 13:21

I would just sit him down and say "right enough either you are a loving husband and dad who doesn't take all his work stress out in me (and the kids) which means no huffing and puffing if I need to do a wash in the week FFS if I do more in the week we get more family time at the weekend. Huffing and puffing if I touch you in bed then you gave to start your whole bedtime routine again. Life really is too short to be huffed at for basic normal behaviour. You turn it on at me because as soon as anyone else is around you're fine,more than fine. So fuck this. We all have stress but our spouses are not supposed to be the cause they are supposed to be part of the solution but you are the cause of my stress. So enough now we can't continue like this."

This .. thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
RedMake88 · 27/04/2022 17:28

I sometimes blame myself. Because I grew up in such a traumatic house. Do I react in certain ways because I grew up in such a dysfunctional house (lots of shouting, survival, lying, physical abuse). Sometimes I think have I damaged him and made him anxious like me.

but I’ve had therapy over the years and found CBt especially helpful. I just see things so much more positively than him.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page