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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to feel better about myself after husband constantly rejects me?

29 replies

Sugqrrush · 25/04/2022 03:47

My confidence is down the drain and I don't know how to fix this part of my relationship or how to get some of my confidence back.

My husband never initiates sex and constantly rejects me when I try to. He also turns me down whenever I try to touch him sexually. He tries to do it in a joking way, telling me I'm tickling him, or that my hands are cold or makes up excuses that he is too busy (just to sometimes go to the living room and play video games) or that he prefers to do it in the evening, and in the evening he says he had forgotten, he's too tired now, or too busy still. (He plays videos games 5 to 10 hours a day so he does have time).

I talked to him about it today but he told me that the reason why he is never in the mood is because he does intermittent fasting and that stops his sexual desires. But I know it is not true because it was the case before the fasting started and he even admitted to struggling to stop watching porn on a daily basis.

He has got a porn addiction and porn has replaced me.

However, he got offended and upset because in his words I am not supportive and don't understand his struggle. As according to him he watches porn daily but doesn't want to.

He also told me that although he turns me down for sex he enjoyed my company. That was actually another blow to my self confidence as, to me, it means he is not sexually attracted to me.

He also implied I was bad in bed.

I gave him alternatives (like me giving him pleasure when he wants to, doesnt have to always pleasure me, so that he doesnt have to always watch porn for a quick fix) but he doesn't even want that.

I feel so ugly and undesirable.

I keep on top of my hygiene, frequently upgrade my wardrobe, went to the hairdresser, invest in good quality makeup, put on perfume. My weight is healthy.
However, I'm very flat chested, I am mixed race and have weird combinations of features, very pale skin and dark afro hair (for which I was bullied a lot growing up) and dark eyes. People always stare, he notices, and it really embarasses me.

He doesn't want me to do anything else to fix myself up though. I wanted to get fillers, microblade my eyebrows or get hair extensions, but he is adamant I don't and refuses, so I am stuck in limbo between not feeling attractive and not being able to do anything to fix that.

OP posts:
ZealAndArdour · 25/04/2022 03:50

I’d start making plans to leave and book all the treatments that I wanted to do to make myself happy.

LHReturns · 25/04/2022 03:54

Lovely woman - this has nothing to do with you at all. It is all him.

it’s entirely the porn…he is a complete loser, and you sound like a dream woman.

you deserve all that affection to be returned by someone wonderful. Do you want to leave him? Do you have children?

do you have children

JamesMartinsWaistcoat · 25/04/2022 03:56

For the love of god, please do not change your appearance for this man!

Get rid of this childish prick and find someone who appreciates you for who you are.

Let him rot in front of his video games, if he wants to find someone to be 'supportive' of his porn addiction there are plenty of sympathetic professionals who will lend an ear. This is not your fault.

Bedsheets4knickers · 25/04/2022 04:12

5-10 hours a video games a day ??? That alone would see me packing his bags . Porn addiction 🤢. What do you get from this relationship?

TheLadyofShalott1 · 25/04/2022 05:29

Dear OP, your partner has one redeeming feature, but unfortunately it does not make him someone you or any other woman should be with. The redeeming feature is that he is being honest enough to tell you not to have any changes to hair, make-up, etc, because he knows that that will not make any difference to how he feels and behaves.

You could be Miss UK, Miss World, or even Miss Universe (?), and it wouldn't make any difference, because he can not get or maintain an erection if he is not watching, or at least thinking about porn when trying to get aroused.

It doesn't sound like he has much time for a job, but if he does have one, he probably masterbates in a toilet cubicle at work, and if you knew about it, you would probably query how he can do that when he is not actually watching porn, the answer is that he can sit there with his eyes closed thinking about one of the many shoots he has watched, or (and sorry this one might hurt even more), he can imagine some female he has seen that day, and because he can't actually imagine what she looks like naked, or in the throes of sex, oo with her hands deep in soapy water washing the breakfast dishes, then he can fantasise anything he wants about her, maybe even just by putting her face onto one of the porn "stars" body.

He cannot do that with anyone who he knows intimately in real life, because as well as seeing them at their very best, which could be having Hollywood A star movie looks, he will have also seen them straight put of bed, with no make-up on, their hair not even brushed yet, and he will probably also have seen them with their hair scrapped back as they vomit into the toilet bowl, whether through illness, pregnancy or drunkeness, and he can no longer cope sexually with normality.

Your so called partner needs fantasy to get and keep an erection. If he could be transported into one of his pornographic sex shoot videos, he almost certainly could not get, or keep an erection (even with the help of someone who I think is called a "fluffer"). He would be unable to have an erection because once on set it is no longer a fantasy. There are cameras, strong lights, directors telling them and the female performers to suddenly stop, withdraw, don't cum yet - because they are not in the position the director wants them in for the cum shot...

Many, many couples can and do use porn as part of their sex lives, and if they watch it together - but only occassionally - both sexes can get some pleasurable enjoyment from it. If that builds up until the only time either of them, but I guess more frequently that it is the man, can get turned on and excited, is when they watch porn, then that sexual relationship has now failed. One or the other, but again I assume much more frequently its the woman who suffers from this, one of the partners (but I will call her, she), will start to feel used, unloved, unattractive, because her partner can no longer get an erection with her unless he is watching porn at the same time. It does not matter how pretty or sexy his partner looks, if she wants to make love in bed - or anywhere else, without porn on a screen, then it just isn"t going to happen.

You might never have watched porn with your "partner", or you might offer to have sex whilst watching porn, but if your partner has gone too far down the porn addiction line, he won't even be able to have sex with you under those circumstances - and you, well no woman, should agree to, or offer to, have sex under those conditions. That is because sooner or later (and it is extremely sad if it is a lot later, because the women may never be able to understand and regain the feelings of her own self worth, or at least not without a hell of a lot of counselling, sadness, hard bloody work, and a realisation of how much of their life they have wasted on a person who has probably gone past the point of no return, and would not even want to get over their addiction, if that was able to be offered to them on a plate), the porn addict's partner will start to feel just how you do now.

So please OP, stop thinking that his lack of attraction to you is anything to do with you, it really isn't. You are not a fantasy, you are a real life woman who sounds really pretty, and very loving, but who also drinks and pees, eats and poos, loves and needs love in return, you are you, and you are great just as you are, and he wouldn't have been with you in the first place if he had not been attracted to you. Please leave him as soon as possible, and please do what you need to do to relight your belief in yourself. I would give you a bunch of flowers, but there isn't one big enough.

LHReturns · 25/04/2022 05:31

TheLadyofShalott1 · 25/04/2022 05:29

Dear OP, your partner has one redeeming feature, but unfortunately it does not make him someone you or any other woman should be with. The redeeming feature is that he is being honest enough to tell you not to have any changes to hair, make-up, etc, because he knows that that will not make any difference to how he feels and behaves.

You could be Miss UK, Miss World, or even Miss Universe (?), and it wouldn't make any difference, because he can not get or maintain an erection if he is not watching, or at least thinking about porn when trying to get aroused.

It doesn't sound like he has much time for a job, but if he does have one, he probably masterbates in a toilet cubicle at work, and if you knew about it, you would probably query how he can do that when he is not actually watching porn, the answer is that he can sit there with his eyes closed thinking about one of the many shoots he has watched, or (and sorry this one might hurt even more), he can imagine some female he has seen that day, and because he can't actually imagine what she looks like naked, or in the throes of sex, oo with her hands deep in soapy water washing the breakfast dishes, then he can fantasise anything he wants about her, maybe even just by putting her face onto one of the porn "stars" body.

He cannot do that with anyone who he knows intimately in real life, because as well as seeing them at their very best, which could be having Hollywood A star movie looks, he will have also seen them straight put of bed, with no make-up on, their hair not even brushed yet, and he will probably also have seen them with their hair scrapped back as they vomit into the toilet bowl, whether through illness, pregnancy or drunkeness, and he can no longer cope sexually with normality.

Your so called partner needs fantasy to get and keep an erection. If he could be transported into one of his pornographic sex shoot videos, he almost certainly could not get, or keep an erection (even with the help of someone who I think is called a "fluffer"). He would be unable to have an erection because once on set it is no longer a fantasy. There are cameras, strong lights, directors telling them and the female performers to suddenly stop, withdraw, don't cum yet - because they are not in the position the director wants them in for the cum shot...

Many, many couples can and do use porn as part of their sex lives, and if they watch it together - but only occassionally - both sexes can get some pleasurable enjoyment from it. If that builds up until the only time either of them, but I guess more frequently that it is the man, can get turned on and excited, is when they watch porn, then that sexual relationship has now failed. One or the other, but again I assume much more frequently its the woman who suffers from this, one of the partners (but I will call her, she), will start to feel used, unloved, unattractive, because her partner can no longer get an erection with her unless he is watching porn at the same time. It does not matter how pretty or sexy his partner looks, if she wants to make love in bed - or anywhere else, without porn on a screen, then it just isn"t going to happen.

You might never have watched porn with your "partner", or you might offer to have sex whilst watching porn, but if your partner has gone too far down the porn addiction line, he won't even be able to have sex with you under those circumstances - and you, well no woman, should agree to, or offer to, have sex under those conditions. That is because sooner or later (and it is extremely sad if it is a lot later, because the women may never be able to understand and regain the feelings of her own self worth, or at least not without a hell of a lot of counselling, sadness, hard bloody work, and a realisation of how much of their life they have wasted on a person who has probably gone past the point of no return, and would not even want to get over their addiction, if that was able to be offered to them on a plate), the porn addict's partner will start to feel just how you do now.

So please OP, stop thinking that his lack of attraction to you is anything to do with you, it really isn't. You are not a fantasy, you are a real life woman who sounds really pretty, and very loving, but who also drinks and pees, eats and poos, loves and needs love in return, you are you, and you are great just as you are, and he wouldn't have been with you in the first place if he had not been attracted to you. Please leave him as soon as possible, and please do what you need to do to relight your belief in yourself. I would give you a bunch of flowers, but there isn't one big enough.

Hear hear - magnificently put.

lilkiki · 25/04/2022 05:32

Get rid

also you’re likely being looked at and stared at because you’re very pretty rather than any other reason!

UnsuitableHat · 25/04/2022 05:46

It sounds as if he's eroding your self esteem, making you feel this is all you deserve, whilst contributing nothing to the relationship. 5-10 hours a day on video games?? I reckon there's a better life out there for you.

PermanentTemporary · 25/04/2022 05:56

Darling please leave him when you can, this is destroying you. You do not have a 'weird set of features' you have low self esteem. I will admit I usually shave my stomach for my boyfriend because it's quite hairy, but that's about all I do and we have a lot of sex. It is not about you and there's nothing you could or should do to fix this except possibly have therapy before you start dating again.

daisychainsandrainbows · 25/04/2022 06:01

This is not about you. This is not about your hair or your bra size or how you dress or how you perform in bed.

This is about him and his failures.

He is spelling out pretty clearly that he isn't planning to change and you don't have to live like this.

tillytown · 25/04/2022 06:06

He sounds like my ex, there is nothing you can do to 'fix' this, it's all on him.

ManifestingMaureen · 25/04/2022 06:54

lilkiki · 25/04/2022 05:32

Get rid

also you’re likely being looked at and stared at because you’re very pretty rather than any other reason!

This x1000!!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 25/04/2022 07:09

He would rather knock one out to porn, or spend his time playing video games. This isn't a husband, it's a 14 year old boy.

Seriously, ditch him.

needmorethanthis · 25/04/2022 08:52

This isn’t about you. He has huge issues. There are millions of people in the world and there will be someone out there who thinks you are the bees knees. Get out of the relationship. Just leave. Spend some time in therapy and rebuilding your social life and take up new hobbies. You’ll meet someone else. You don’t have to settle for second best

KangarooKenny · 25/04/2022 08:55

Leave him. He’s fulfilled with a wank, you want a sex life.
Move on.

FrancescaContini · 25/04/2022 08:56

Your husband is a sad little loser. Please end your marriage. Your self esteem will improve once he’s out of your life.

ValerieCupcake · 25/04/2022 10:35

What a loser you are saddled with. There are 24 hours in a day. Take 7 out of that for sleeping and 10 for his video games. That leaves 8. And he still uses porn. How does he fit in work?

You're worth more than this. He sounds beyond redemption. Think of yourself and your own life. You owe him sod all.

PriestessofPing · 25/04/2022 11:57

He’s in a relationship with the digital world. Gaming for hours on end and porn addiction smacks of someone who is addicted to screens and refuses to engage in reality.

Even worse, he’s trying to blame it on you and erode your self-esteem.

This is about him and his inadequacy. If he spends so much time gaming and wanking to porn when does he fit in work? Or housework, cooking, etc? I’m willing to bet right now that when he says he likes your company what he really means is he likes that you keep the house clean, his pants washed and dinner on the table so he can keep up his fantasy life but still get his basic needs met practically speaking.

You deserve way better than this.

Pollydonia · 25/04/2022 12:49

Please get away from him, you will only find more unhappiness if you stay.

GalactatingGoddess · 25/04/2022 13:07

@Sugqrrush Firstly, you describe yourself in such an awful way. So what if you are flat chested, many men find that attractive.

Please don't get work done to try and make him find you attractive, he won't as there is nothing wrong with you!!! He has a porn addiction like you said yourself, how can a real person compare up to the airbrushed fakery and on-demand nature that porn caters to for men?!

Your features sound lovely, they sound like my daughter. She is gorgeous, she has big curly ringlet Afro hair like me and is much paler than me, like DH with golden brown eyes. She tans beautifully in summer, but looks lovely in winter colours too.

I would:

  • consider making plans just in case you decide to leave
  • focus on beauty treatments and self-love for you, not for him
  • not waste any more time thinking you have a problem. The problem is your DP

X

me4real · 25/04/2022 13:44

If people look at you, it's probably because your looks are fascinating rather than ugly.

Either way, he's a wanker. Bin.

MissWired · 25/04/2022 16:34

Sorry to be so blunt but what on earth did you marry him for? What does he do for a living - please tell me he does at least bring a salary home....please?!

Either way, he has an addictive personality ( or rather neurology) and there really is slim chance of fixing that.

Don't have kids with him - he'll be a useless disengaged father at best and then there's the high heritability of genes that contribute to addictions to consider.

Finally, massively raise your bar for future partners - you need to raise it significantly. Do a lot of work on yourself to work out why your standards are so low.

Fuuuuuckit · 25/04/2022 16:38

Get a divorce. Will solve both the husband problem and the self-esteem problem

Seriously...

Aquamarine1029 · 25/04/2022 16:41

Leave this man as fast as you possibly can. Every minute you waste with him is a tragedy.

BemoreDerek · 25/04/2022 16:52

TheLadyofShalott1 · 25/04/2022 05:29

Dear OP, your partner has one redeeming feature, but unfortunately it does not make him someone you or any other woman should be with. The redeeming feature is that he is being honest enough to tell you not to have any changes to hair, make-up, etc, because he knows that that will not make any difference to how he feels and behaves.

You could be Miss UK, Miss World, or even Miss Universe (?), and it wouldn't make any difference, because he can not get or maintain an erection if he is not watching, or at least thinking about porn when trying to get aroused.

It doesn't sound like he has much time for a job, but if he does have one, he probably masterbates in a toilet cubicle at work, and if you knew about it, you would probably query how he can do that when he is not actually watching porn, the answer is that he can sit there with his eyes closed thinking about one of the many shoots he has watched, or (and sorry this one might hurt even more), he can imagine some female he has seen that day, and because he can't actually imagine what she looks like naked, or in the throes of sex, oo with her hands deep in soapy water washing the breakfast dishes, then he can fantasise anything he wants about her, maybe even just by putting her face onto one of the porn "stars" body.

He cannot do that with anyone who he knows intimately in real life, because as well as seeing them at their very best, which could be having Hollywood A star movie looks, he will have also seen them straight put of bed, with no make-up on, their hair not even brushed yet, and he will probably also have seen them with their hair scrapped back as they vomit into the toilet bowl, whether through illness, pregnancy or drunkeness, and he can no longer cope sexually with normality.

Your so called partner needs fantasy to get and keep an erection. If he could be transported into one of his pornographic sex shoot videos, he almost certainly could not get, or keep an erection (even with the help of someone who I think is called a "fluffer"). He would be unable to have an erection because once on set it is no longer a fantasy. There are cameras, strong lights, directors telling them and the female performers to suddenly stop, withdraw, don't cum yet - because they are not in the position the director wants them in for the cum shot...

Many, many couples can and do use porn as part of their sex lives, and if they watch it together - but only occassionally - both sexes can get some pleasurable enjoyment from it. If that builds up until the only time either of them, but I guess more frequently that it is the man, can get turned on and excited, is when they watch porn, then that sexual relationship has now failed. One or the other, but again I assume much more frequently its the woman who suffers from this, one of the partners (but I will call her, she), will start to feel used, unloved, unattractive, because her partner can no longer get an erection with her unless he is watching porn at the same time. It does not matter how pretty or sexy his partner looks, if she wants to make love in bed - or anywhere else, without porn on a screen, then it just isn"t going to happen.

You might never have watched porn with your "partner", or you might offer to have sex whilst watching porn, but if your partner has gone too far down the porn addiction line, he won't even be able to have sex with you under those circumstances - and you, well no woman, should agree to, or offer to, have sex under those conditions. That is because sooner or later (and it is extremely sad if it is a lot later, because the women may never be able to understand and regain the feelings of her own self worth, or at least not without a hell of a lot of counselling, sadness, hard bloody work, and a realisation of how much of their life they have wasted on a person who has probably gone past the point of no return, and would not even want to get over their addiction, if that was able to be offered to them on a plate), the porn addict's partner will start to feel just how you do now.

So please OP, stop thinking that his lack of attraction to you is anything to do with you, it really isn't. You are not a fantasy, you are a real life woman who sounds really pretty, and very loving, but who also drinks and pees, eats and poos, loves and needs love in return, you are you, and you are great just as you are, and he wouldn't have been with you in the first place if he had not been attracted to you. Please leave him as soon as possible, and please do what you need to do to relight your belief in yourself. I would give you a bunch of flowers, but there isn't one big enough.

Best post I've seen on here for a long time and absolutely spot on. I'm so sorry OP but you're flogging a dead horse here, he's defective and you can't fix him. In simple terms it's him not you and you deserve a million times better.