money situation - being pushed into something I do not want

[niveasoft]

Usually a lurker but after a long consideration and reading few posters, decided to drop my problem here and see what you think. So I recently received a fair amount of money which I would like to invest in my own small property. My DP owns his property. I am currently in between jobs so a lot of stress. He pushes me to invest with him into a large property together. My investment would be less then his, he thinks he is offering me a great deal but a) we do not need a big house with a garden b) I am uncomfortable about that financial investment imbalance (future arguments about whose house it is, who put how much in) c) he says I am not invested in this relationship because I do not want to put all my money into it. It almost feels like he is telling me what to do with my money. I have a stressful time now in other areas of life and it literally feels like he can not get off my case. I told him we can get something together when I get a job and know my earnings but he really pushes me and says I can get a mortgage with him even if I do not have a job, as long as I put the money in now, he puts his and I will join repayments later. I never heard of that.
I actually find myself regretting to come to receive this money because instead of bringing me joy and security, it causes me nightmare. Not sure what is so wrong with having property each ? Not sure if it is of any significance but there's age gap between us. Noticed few posters here with age gaps having similar issues. Is this it a thing money tantrums?

Go with your instinct and invest in your own property - far less hassle if you split up.

If you're not married and he is making you feel pressurised then you are a surely right to want to invest the money without it being tied up with his. Even with good legal protection, it's so much less of a headache when you need to call it a day.

It is not his money to spend.
And trying to manipulate you into spending it on what he wants does not make him much of a partner.

Nah.

How long have you been together?

Just be firm and tell him you haven't decided what YOU want to do with YOUR money

Get your own property. He shouldn't be pushing you like this, not a good sign.

Do not mix your money as it will be lost if you can’t buy on equal terms Maybe see a solicitor to put it in a ring fenced trust in your name which in turn could be invested with him. Then if things don’t work out you’ll still have your money safe.

All this sounds very very familiar.

Listen to your gut!

If he wants a bigger place, then he has to be patient, as you aren't back working yet.
He is trying to spend your money how he wants, and isn't respecting what you are saying.
That's a big, RED, flag

Don't blend your money with his, @niveasoft. If he's this pushy and manipulative with you already, imagine how much worse it could be if you "invested" it with him. Literally "don't put all your eggs in one basket".

You are not married to him so take professional financial advice (ie not with him) on the best, safe way to invest for your own future. As a PP said, that will make life much easier for you if your relationship deteriorates. Take care. 🌹

He's bullying you. You should be running for the hills.

Have you posted about this before but also mentioned you wanting a baby and your partner refusing to have his vasectomy reversed UNLESS you bought a bigger property with him first? This sounds incredibly familiar.

How long have you been together? Do you currently live in his house and if so do you contribute? And how long have you been there? Are you planning on living separately if you buy your own house? How long have you been in-between jobs? Do you see a future with him?

Obviously you shouldn't be doing anything you feel uncomfortable with. I completely agree that money can make life far more complicated.

Any man who tries to bully you into doing something you are not comfortable with, is NOT YOUR FRIEND.

Buy your own house for your own future security.

Stand firm and invest in your own property.
Especially important not to tie up your security when you don’t have a job. Just say no. If he chooses to see it as you not investing in the relationship that’s his lookout (also read manipulation). But it’s actually you maintaining financial independence and security. He sounds like a doofus tbh.

He's trying to manipulate you into buying a bigger property which he will benefit from
Please listen to your gut instinct and buy your own property to protect yourself

I agree with other posters, I think your instincts are right, it's emotional blackmail to manipulate you in to doing what he wants with your money. I don't think this bodes well for the relationship, so anything you invest in should be in your name only.

• tie up your security with someone else

Put your money into a investment in secure bonds or shares that is tied up for at least a year. Then sit back and think about what you want to do with the money in a nonpressured way. The economy is so crazy right now, Im very sure that its not the time to be putting loads of money into housing (which if you live in it is a debt not an asset)

take the pressure off by tying it up and see what happens with your relationship as a result… a good partner would be happy for you whatever you decide to do (apart from gambling it all away!)

Don’t buy the bigger house with him. That’s the kind of decision a couple should make together and both be happy with. You are not happy with it so don’t do it

the money isn’t giving you the nightmare he is. No one who says they love you and are invested in a relationship with you will put this kind of pressure on you.
leave him,
get your own small place.
find someone more compatible.

You should not be buying property with someone that you are fully partnered with in every way. That means you have shared life goals, are planning your joint financial future, and are either married or have gone through a ridiculous number of legal hoops to try to mimic the legal benefits and commitments of marriage without actually being married. I also wouldn’t do it if either of you have children who you want to have inherit some day. That basically means you can’t truly be planning for a shared financial future because one or both of you have different targets for any inheritance.

If you were in a true partnership, then the financial strain of your unemployment would be felt by both of you, not just you. He wants you to invest in his property, yet there is no mention of adjusting the household budget to accommodate the reduction in income impacting both of you. You aren’t economic partners.

How long have you been together?
Do you live apart right now? or in his house?

I told him we can get something together when I get a job and know my earnings
Do you mean you want to buy something small for yourself now? and then get another home with him?

I'm assuming you're not married? How long have you been together? Regardless, I'd find his attitude deeply unattractive and question the relationship and say no. As others have said his pushiness is a big red flag.

If you're are minded to agree make sure that your contribution is ringfenced so that it is repaid to you before any division of monies following a sale. You would also need to negotiate on the % you would each hold the property on.