If You Have Been Married Quite A While, What’s Your Secret?

[SunshineLollipopsAndRainbows]

DH & I have been together just over 21 years & celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in May. It’s not been an easy ride by any means & I have posted on here in the past when we were going through a hellish time but we are here & stronger than ever. The main thing I would say is that no matter how tough it gets, DH can always make me laugh. We laugh together every day.

31 years here - together 33.5.
Trust
Loyalty
Respect
Shared values
Wanting the same thing
Compromise
Equality
Having one's own interests outside the home.

We have been through secondary infertility, the death of a third trimester baby, bereavement re a parent and learnt a little more about each other with each challenge.

I also think it strengthened our marriage when I returned to work after 7 years because it returned me to a two dimensional life.

I can honestly say I love dh a little more with each day that passes. Every night before he goes to sleep he tells me he loves me and holds my hand a while and every morning he tells me again and we have a hug, before he brings me a cup of tea. Actually that cup of tea may have hit the nail on the head

Nope. Separate rooms.
Sharing a bed was bloody awful and not sharing a room is much nicer.

We are just complete opposites in every way when it comes to what we need to sleep well

To all of above does it matter if you have strong role models for good relationships?

This!

Not sure about role models. His parents were quite distant, not tactile and very straight laced. Mine made serial marriage fashionable. However we both had very strong relationships with wonderful grandparents and knew we didn't want what our respective parents had.

I also meant to add to my original list, kissing a few frogs before settling down and not settling for second best because everyone else was in a relationship.

34 years married, 37 years together.
Love, laughter and loyalty. Our toughest time was when we had 3 under 6 and I was in full on 'mummy mode' and DH was full on 'breadwinner'. We forgot the wife/husband partnership for a couple of years but were stubborn enough to stick to our 'til death do us part' promise. So pleased we did, because it gets better and better.
My heart always lifts when I see him.
My favourite sound is him snoring gently, makes all seem right in my world.

Oh yes, my favourite sound is his key in the lock. If the grown up dc are here they still break into an exclamation of "it's daddy".

He is my best friend. That’s really all there is to it.

30 yrs together 22yrs of marriage. We have been through so much together but our respect for each other and true friendship have made it worth the ride. The last two years have been a challenge DH wandered into an EA with his first love during the first lockdown which rocked us to the core but we fixed it together and he has been my rock when I went through treatment for breast cancer last year. Now it is my turn to be the rock after DH had a stroke a month ago.
If I didn’t love him I would have to have walked away but although the next few months will be a challenge l am happy to support him while he makes a full recovery.
In sickness and in health is the true test of a long term relationship but I’m not giving up now.

Same here! It's so lovely, isn't it?

My PILs were a really good role model, my own DPs not so much. I was aware enough to look for a partner who was very different to my DF, and when I met FIL I knew I'd made a good choice. He was a wonderful man, very much missed, and my DH is very like him. My DPs have been married for almost 63 years and have fought and bickered all their lives. God only knows how they are still together!

Do you only want tips from married couples OP or are you open to the rest of us who are making it work long term? You won’t find many lesbian or gay couples who have had the luxury of being married for decades, for example. And lots of families actively choose not to marry, and stay together by daily choice not because of a historic promise or fear of a costly and stressful divorce.

We've been married for over 20 years too. I don't think there is a secret. We have similarly realistic expectations of each other, and we share lots of interests so we have lots to talk about and to look forward to together.

I think having no real stresses helps, which is down to luck in most marriages. I have a good friend who argues with her husband all the time because of the stresses they've been put under - they have disabled children, money worries, so he works huge amounts of overtime, so he isn't at home to help, and so the cycle goes on...

I asked my 93 yr old nan this, married 70 years. She said 'ohhh there aint no secret - just keep plodding on'

I say fair enough! Long as there's no abuse, kind to each other etc this makes sense to me

Yep gives us the most opportunity for a quick roll in the hay should the opportunity arise (so to speak). Still have dependents in the house........sometimes still pass out in each other's arms (I know I know pass a bucket) until one of us kicks the other one off.