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Original poster

DH wants us to live together as friends

61 replies

Justateweetabix · 23/04/2022 19:12

I had a previous thread about my husbands diabetes. Don't know how to link it to this thread.
Basically my husband was not looking after himself, was in bad health mentally and physically but didn't care. I was at the end of my tether.
Things have come to a head in the last few days and we have amicably decided to separate.

I can't afford to move out, I have a teenager daughter also. He owns the house we live in.
He wants us to continue living together as friends. We would still share a bed. He says he still loves me but as a friend, I feel the same way. We haven't had sex for a very long time as he suffers impotence. The affection and intimacy has totally gone and we really are just housemates. We still get along.
He seems to think his suggestion is totally fine and makes sense and I don't really see how I have any choice at this point. He is planning to sell the house and says he will give me a significant amount of money but obviously I can't rely on him actually doing this. I don't even know if I would be entitled to anything if he was to sell.
I just feel stuck and can't get my head around what I should do.

OP posts:
needmorethanthis · 23/04/2022 21:07

You said husband so you both own a house. Why are you relying on what he says? Go see a solicitor now, asap, and actually find out what your rights are! If he sells the house then you are owed at least half the profits. He can’t sell the house while you live there. You need to register home rights via the govt website. Seriously. I find these threads very frustrating. You act as though he owns everything and you have nothing. You know you have marital assets surely? Hire them services of a solicitor. I don’t understand why when women split from a man the first thing they do is post on here. The first thing every woman should be doing is calling half a dozen solicitors or emailing and finding the one that suits them. There are lots of TV series out for many years about family/divorce lawyers. This is not the 50s. This is common and widely known. Why haven’t you called a solicitor?

Kitten2 · 23/04/2022 21:07

No way. It's not worth it. Get out of there and start your new life you'll find a way.

crackingreward · 23/04/2022 21:07

He doesn't want you to leave and get on with your life. He still wants input and control.

Original poster
Justateweetabix · 23/04/2022 21:10

needmorethanthis · 23/04/2022 21:07

You said husband so you both own a house. Why are you relying on what he says? Go see a solicitor now, asap, and actually find out what your rights are! If he sells the house then you are owed at least half the profits. He can’t sell the house while you live there. You need to register home rights via the govt website. Seriously. I find these threads very frustrating. You act as though he owns everything and you have nothing. You know you have marital assets surely? Hire them services of a solicitor. I don’t understand why when women split from a man the first thing they do is post on here. The first thing every woman should be doing is calling half a dozen solicitors or emailing and finding the one that suits them. There are lots of TV series out for many years about family/divorce lawyers. This is not the 50s. This is common and widely known. Why haven’t you called a solicitor?

Because this only happened yesterday and its the weekend? I'll be ringing on Monday

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 23/04/2022 21:13

I'm on your other thread OP.

Don't agree to it. He wants nothing to change and you still get a front row seat in his self destruction.

whynotwhatknot · 23/04/2022 21:15

Definitely get some advice-your married so its a joint asset i dont hav dc either but married and half or at least half would come to me if i divorced
a right
you definitely need to get it down that youve got home rights so he cant sell it from under you

TeamFreeWill · 26/04/2022 21:53

.

Countdownis35 · 26/04/2022 22:03

Is your daughter not to your DH? Finically how did you manage prior to being married OP?

Do you have a spare room?

billy1966 · 26/04/2022 23:01

He's having a laugh!

You can stay and skivvy as friends?
I'll bet.

Of course you need a solicitor to hammer out a division of assets.

He thinks you are dim if he thinks he can get that one over you.

Agree nothing.

Get legal advice.

19Bears · 27/04/2022 10:56

No no no. Do not agree to this. You are entitled to a life you want! I worry about being caught in the same trap. DH is well aware of how unhappy I am, but uses his mental health to keep me there as a wife/mother. He's also not good at looking after himself physically, and I'm sure he too has diabetes. He's had tests in the past which have come up negative, but all the symptoms are there and I think it's only a matter of time. I really want to get out before I feel obliged to stay out of duty. The difference between you and me though is that you say you love your dh. I don't love mine. Do you love him enough to give up the rest of your life???? @Justateweetabix

Original poster
Justateweetabix · 27/04/2022 13:18

Countdownis35 · 26/04/2022 22:03

Is your daughter not to your DH? Finically how did you manage prior to being married OP?

Do you have a spare room?

My daughter is from a previous relationship but he has brought her up. I was a single parent for a long time so mostly relied on benefits.
No spare room.

OP posts:
StooOrangeyForCrows · 27/04/2022 13:27

I would have laughed in his face at this proposal.

You would get all the disadvantages of marriage and none of the advantages.

It's all about him.

RandomMess · 27/04/2022 17:36

You may not get 50;50 of the marital assets but regardless you will be much happier not being his carer and being labelled as the kill joy and controller.

Keep on keeping on Flowers

girlmom21 · 27/04/2022 17:38

Have you spoken to a solicitor?

Original poster
Justateweetabix · 28/04/2022 06:48

girlmom21 · 27/04/2022 17:38

Have you spoken to a solicitor?

Not yet.
I got up early this morning and have just sent an email request to see a solicitor close to where I work.
We spoke at length last night and I can now see he has no interest in working on our marriage so I need to take matters into my own hands.
He wants time apart whist still living together to 'find himself' and work out what he wants 😂

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 28/04/2022 06:54

No, no, no. You need a home for you and your daughter, Chase up that solicitor, and do not agree to anything with him until you’ve spoken to one.

Fireflygal · 28/04/2022 08:05

A solicitor will be able to advise. Your marriage would be seen as medium length and there maybe entitlement, especially if you have contributed to the mortgage during that time.

Are you likely to be able to get a mortgage on your own, if you has a deposit?

Original poster
Justateweetabix · 28/04/2022 08:14

The problem is I haven't contributed to the mortgage, i have paid other bills.
I would have to rent as I don't earn much and have no deposit.

OP posts:
MeOldChimp · 28/04/2022 08:21

Legally, I would stop second-guessing OP - it’s pointless, just wait till you see a solicitor. Your position and options will become clearer then.

boronia · 28/04/2022 08:42

Get legal advice and then get things moving.
I knew a diabetic like your husband, in total denial.
He ended up blind, double amputee, on dialysis with kidney failure and heart problems and died aged 67.
Leave before you become his carer.

AMindOfMyOwn · 28/04/2022 08:42

If you are married, you will be entitled to at least some of the house.

Thats why having legal advice is essential. Don’t assume. Don’t think that because X and Y got nothing then that means you won’t either (and the other way around for that matter. It’s not because X got everything that you will!).

Xiaoxiong · 28/04/2022 08:47

Sure you paid other bills...which enabled him to pay the mortgage.

You are married, that completely changes the calculus of what you are entitled to. Hope the solicitor appointment goes well.

IncompleteSenten · 28/04/2022 08:48

"He wants time apart whist still living together to 'find himself' and work out what he wants"

Allow me to translate.

He wants full maid service while he dips his wick elsewhere.

RandomMess · 28/04/2022 08:52

How long did your live together prior to marriage and how long have you been married for?

Your DD needs will still be considered.

Please get onto your local housing officer and find out about going onto waiting lists for council and HA properties and find out about eligibility for shared ownership. Obviously if you can buy that would be preferable and don't rule it out.

Original poster
Justateweetabix · 28/04/2022 08:53

@IncompleteSenten his wick doesn't work 😂

OP posts: