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Original poster

Fed up of OLD

27 replies

Shunter350 · 23/04/2022 00:58

Bloke here .. ( I know that annoys some )..
Utterly fed up with OLD .. just suspended my account.
Blocked ( again ) by a woman who "liked" me who took umbrage when I said I was chatting to another.
I'm so fed up of false profiles and everybody just sitting about looking at each other.
I'm now messaging the current lady via WhatsApp. It's all very platonic, it's nice ( so is she - we've met ) but she sees only friendship, but I want to see how this goes.
I feel guilty chatting to others so I'm suspending. Give myself a break.
Rant over..

OP posts:
randomx · 23/04/2022 01:17

Hi mate, l'm new here , so aren't they too keen on blokes being here ?
lmo that's fine if they aren't and fair enough. l'm in one or two men forums but it annoys me to the way so many women join those. l just stumbled over this one and mainly thought l'd mainly just get a few female opinions on a few relationship things.

At any rate , man if your more comfortable just talking to one person at a time on a date site then just go with that, nothing wrong with that.Back when l was trying OL l only ever talked to one girl ata time and l expected the same in return myself. IMO if she or l was really worth talking to then we were worth focusing on to.
This friend one though, it's just friends , so you wouldn't isolate yourself just for that.
Good luck anyway and if you feel like a break just have one. Cheers

disappear · 23/04/2022 06:04

@randomx , it’s not that we’re not keen on men being here. It’s more that we don’t like them announcing their presence, as if being male gives their opinion more weight.

randomx · 23/04/2022 06:13

Yeah right. Well l certainly wouldn't be doing that. Maybe some like l did for example just say it in a warning type way so that if you'd rather not be here talking to guys then you know.

NovelFarmer · 23/04/2022 06:49

Did the woman who blocked you, ask if you were chatting to others, or did you volunteer this information?

supercali77 · 23/04/2022 06:52

Woman here 🤔. My fella was the same when we met OLD. Never spoke to more than one woman at a time and would inform the person that he was talking to someone else so couldn't chat. He said he didn't know why he bothered since so many would basically call him an a*hole for it. Maybe it just seems unessescary to the person on the other end to be informing them of it? I'm not sure what excuses you would make otherwise tho.

I used to take a lot of regular breaks from OLD. Dont invest too much emotional energy until you've met each other. Its all a game really.

disgruntledoldater · 23/04/2022 07:02

Nice to get a bloke's point of view on online dating.

I thought most online daters chatted to a few people until they met someone they had a spark with. It wouldn't bother me if I had yet to meet someone.

seensome · 23/04/2022 07:03

If a guy I'm dating said he's talking to others, I wouldn't like it either, I'm sure most people wouldn't like to know.
If you're not happy with friendship first then don't continue to see her, she's probably trying to build up trust first to see if you're really into her, not a cheater etc.

YouAreNotBatman · 23/04/2022 07:35

disappear · 23/04/2022 06:04

@randomx , it’s not that we’re not keen on men being here. It’s more that we don’t like them announcing their presence, as if being male gives their opinion more weight.

No, it’s good that they announce their maleness up front, so I know to scroll.

Also makes me less worried there are women oit there with such (whatever it is at that time) views.

WhiskeyAndGinger · 23/04/2022 07:41

Interested to know what men's forums are overrun with women?

Original poster
Shunter350 · 23/04/2022 08:41

seensome · 23/04/2022 07:03

If a guy I'm dating said he's talking to others, I wouldn't like it either, I'm sure most people wouldn't like to know.
If you're not happy with friendship first then don't continue to see her, she's probably trying to build up trust first to see if you're really into her, not a cheater etc.

Thank you. I never thought of that. She certainly seems to like chatting!

OP posts:
Original poster
Shunter350 · 23/04/2022 08:42

NovelFarmer · 23/04/2022 06:49

Did the woman who blocked you, ask if you were chatting to others, or did you volunteer this information?

I volunteered it. I think it's the right thing to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shunter350 · 23/04/2022 08:49

supercali77 · 23/04/2022 06:52

Woman here 🤔. My fella was the same when we met OLD. Never spoke to more than one woman at a time and would inform the person that he was talking to someone else so couldn't chat. He said he didn't know why he bothered since so many would basically call him an a*hole for it. Maybe it just seems unessescary to the person on the other end to be informing them of it? I'm not sure what excuses you would make otherwise tho.

I used to take a lot of regular breaks from OLD. Dont invest too much emotional energy until you've met each other. Its all a game really.

Thank you. I've certainly changed my attitude to OLD.
I was naive to think that I would meet "the One" very quickly.. how wrong was I !
It is a game.. a kinda of modern day dance floor, where we all just cling to the walls hoping that damsel / knight asks us to dance.!
I now see it as a way to simply "chat" to new people. If something warm happens then fantastic..Smile
I find it difficult not to over invest though, probably my low self confidence taking hold of me. I'm constantly wrestling with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shunter350 · 23/04/2022 08:52

disappear · 23/04/2022 06:04

@randomx , it’s not that we’re not keen on men being here. It’s more that we don’t like them announcing their presence, as if being male gives their opinion more weight.

Thank you. I don't see it that way. I certainly don't think I'm better than anyone else.
I think it's important to state my gender in a predominantly female forum.
Possibly on a "neutral" thread it's of no significance but in this case I was definitely wanting a female perspective.

OP posts:
NovelFarmer · 23/04/2022 10:23

“I volunteered it. I think it's the right thing to do.”

I would disagree with this.
If you tell someone you are speaking with others it instantly makes them feel less special as they are just one of many.

Original poster
Shunter350 · 23/04/2022 10:27

@NovelFarmer . Interesting. Thank you.

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 23/04/2022 10:39

I’m pretty fed up with it too, I get messages from fake profiles most days, they are obviously fake…..hot guy…much younger than me…lives in London and writes a message telling me how beautiful I am 🤢, I always assumed it was just men that got these but it seems to be getting more and more common for women to get them too. I’m fed up with men getting angry with me when I don’t message straight back, accusing me of ignoring them. Fed up with people chatting to me and then vanishing, asking for my number then only exchange a couple texts before disappearing off the face of the earth.

i have been OLD for 6 years, it used to be fun, I used to get at least one date a week, met loads of people, some that I’m still in contact with, but the last year has just been rubbish, no dates, messages from fake profiles and people just generally being rude and horrible.

I have found it easier to meet people through hobbies/interests and through Fb groups linked to my interests, though I’m yet to meet ‘the one’.

OLD isn’t what it used to be.

Original poster
Shunter350 · 23/04/2022 10:49

Lovemusic33 · 23/04/2022 10:39

I’m pretty fed up with it too, I get messages from fake profiles most days, they are obviously fake…..hot guy…much younger than me…lives in London and writes a message telling me how beautiful I am 🤢, I always assumed it was just men that got these but it seems to be getting more and more common for women to get them too. I’m fed up with men getting angry with me when I don’t message straight back, accusing me of ignoring them. Fed up with people chatting to me and then vanishing, asking for my number then only exchange a couple texts before disappearing off the face of the earth.

i have been OLD for 6 years, it used to be fun, I used to get at least one date a week, met loads of people, some that I’m still in contact with, but the last year has just been rubbish, no dates, messages from fake profiles and people just generally being rude and horrible.

I have found it easier to meet people through hobbies/interests and through Fb groups linked to my interests, though I’m yet to meet ‘the one’.

OLD isn’t what it used to be.

Yes. I can relate to all that but flip the gender obv. PoF was awful for "too good to be true" profiles, obviously fake asking immediately for my email or phone number. And those pseudo porn pop ups. It was awful.
Tbf the app I use now ( ourtime) is very very quick to pick up on those things.
But I'll give it a rest for a while.
We all deserve better..Blush

OP posts:
anotherdisaster · 23/04/2022 16:41

Just so you know, I cannot stand OLD for the same reasons so its actually nice to hear men struggling with it too. I have found most men are either not even serious about meeting anyone or men my age (46) and even older actually want much younger women (which gives me the ick anyway). I have matched with a few on Bumble and most of the time they don't even bother to reply, or I get unmatched after they seem keen. It all feels like a lot of effort for no return! I have to say, you don't need to tell anyone you are talking to other people. Its not their business and you don't owe them anything. Different if you start dating them.

ASDorNO · 24/04/2022 16:52

I'm a long term OLDer and would never talk to only one person at a time (I'm a woman in case that's relevant). BUT...if by 'talk to' you mean ongoing daily exchanges, I wouldn't do that either. I cut straight to the chase and arrange to meet within a couple of messages in order not to waste either of our times. If it's good enough to go to a second or third date then I stop talking to others until we establish whether we want to proceed.

Lovemusic33 · 24/04/2022 18:57

I. Ever tell anyone I’m talking to others either, back in the day when OLD was good I was often having 2 dates a week with different men 😬, none knew about each other. I assume most people maybe talking to others though not as much these days as I struggle to find one person worth talking too let alone 2.

Lovemusic33 · 24/04/2022 18:58

’i never’

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 24/04/2022 21:38

Hi OP, I used ourtime for a while last year, I found most ppl didn’t respond or just disappeared after a few messages, my MH and self confidence took a pasting , take a break for a while.
(I’m also a man, not that it’s relevant)

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 24/04/2022 21:57

Would also echo what a PP said about meeting early, l matched with someone last year, lots in common, same likes/ dislikes etc, we chatted for waaayy too long , and when we did meet, absolutely no spark, that was a real low point.

GooodMythicalMorning · 24/04/2022 22:06

I met my boyfriend OLD. I didn't think I'd meet anyone from it but we clicked pretty quickly and it's been amazing so far. We both stopped talking to others though as soon as we realised we had a connection and then both deleted the app soon after.

HarmlessChap · 25/04/2022 00:42

I'm from the era when if you were seeing someone then that was it, none of this "exclusive" rubbish. I tend to only chat with a few at a time. I prefer to chat verbally if possible as quite often it's mutually obvious there is no connection and you can amicably agree to un-match.

Once I'm getting on well with one I try to meet up quickly, and if there is a continued spark face to face I'll contact the other women explain that I had a good date and that I'm coming off OLD to give it a proper go but wanted to explain rather than just disappear/ghost them. The general response is good luck, but I have had a drunken rant by voicemail and some stalking from one woman.

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