Long story short, me and DH been having a rough patch in our marriage. Around or shortly after my son was born (third child) I’d been telling him that I was feeling that I didn’t get enough effort from him in terms of our relationship ie never initiating dinner out, things to do as a family together - it always had to come from me. Gave me a feeling that he was just ticking along, happy to let me sort everything but I explained that’s quite a burden sometimes trying to keep everything going single handedly. Anyway, it got to the point where we started going to marriage counselling and we started to make more effort to focus on us as a couple and not just as parents - weekend away and dinner out more often etc. sex has always been fine, there was a dry patch a year or so ago but normally it’s great.
We went for dinner on our sixth wedding anniversary, on the way home he suggested sleeping together in the car - I told him I wasn’t comfortable with this because there were people around. Also feeling bloated a bit from the meal etc - said I wanted to get home. We then get home and cuddle on sofa etc. he made some attempt to initiate sex but it didn’t really happen.
Anyway, next day I’m in the shower and he’s text me saying he wishes I’d let him sleep with me in the car the night before. I’m a bit annoyed by this as I’d explained that I wasn’t comfortable doing that. I said I wasn’t comfortable and we then had this sort of text conversation about it. We kind of had to as the kids are always around so sometimes easier to talk on text.
Around 3-4 days later I ask him to borrow his phone to show him something on Google. Sometimes that happens because mines upstairs or out of battery or whatever. Anyway as I go onto the internet, I can see that he’s searched and visited the website ‘Chaturbate’. When I look at the day and time it’s the morning after our anniversary meal. Kids would have been downstairs, we would have been talking and chatting like normal that morning. I go mad at him. He tells me it’s just porn to him. we both have discussed the fact that we occasionally use porn if we’re not together when masturbating. When the sex is frequent then neither of us tend to use it. Or I thought.
this isn’t just porn to me. He swears that he wasn’t talking or interacting with anyone, that it was just porn and that he was frustrated because we hadn’t had sex the night before. So he was using it just to get/stay horny as he liked the feeling.
it’s just given me the ick to be honest. He admitted to using that particular site quite a few times. I just can’t shake off this disgusting image of him in the bathroom looking at it whilst me and the kids were downstairs. I always thought those sort of websites were for losers and I don’t want to feel that way about my own husband.
at the same time we’ve been together for 13 years. I think it hurts more because we were supposed to be working on our relationship and trying to get things back on track then he’s doing that.
we discussed it with the marriage counsellor but I don’t seem to be able to move past it.
am I overreacting here?! Some days I feel like I am being way over the top but other times I think have some respect for myself and don’t stay with someone like that!