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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Menapausal and angry

28 replies

PeacefulPottering · 18/04/2022 00:37

Just this. I've tried medication from my gp, sertraline. It worked in making me so tired I couldn't be bothered. I still felt that angry stuff. I really cannot place it. I just have such angry feelings. I'm not an angry person, I usually let things go but recently I feel so absolutely angry!!! Will it pass? My life is okay, usual ups and downs with a partner of 20 years. It's not him, I feel rage, complete and utter rage at the most ridiculous of things. I honestly think I'm going mad.
The one thing I can say that makes it much worse is if I don't have space. OH coming into my space after a shower, OH touching me if I want to be alone, basically OH being near me when I feel so bloody angry and awful.

OP posts:
Runaround50 · 18/04/2022 09:46

Peaceful, I’m on the same boat, except I’ve told partner I’m leaving this week! . I have no where to go, but I’m not speaking because I’m raging and irritable that I’ve nowhere to go!

If your relationship is generally okay, I would suggest giving HRT a trial It may balance your hormones and make you feel better about yourself and how you feel towards your partner.

Have you spoken to him about menopause and how bloody awful it can make you feel? Honestly, it’s the pits in my view! Maybe find some literature for Oh to read to help him understand what’s going on for you?

I think Menopause can cause the make or break of many relationships to be honest. In my case, I think it’s the break.

Good luck 🌸

Aquamarine1029 · 18/04/2022 09:50

AD's are not recommended to treat anxiety/depression due to menopause because they can often make things worse. You need HRT. Go to a private menopause clinic if you can.

EssexLioness · 18/04/2022 09:51

Agree with @Aquamarine1029. HRT helped me a lot with the anger although I still feel like I need more space/ alone time than before

NickyNora · 18/04/2022 19:37

Another vote for HRT.

I was like a lunatic before I started HRT.
Screaming and shouting at exdp and the dc, even strangers.

I realised I was out of control and needed to do something

ASDorNO · 18/04/2022 20:01

Definitely need HRT.

PlainJaneEyre · 18/04/2022 20:47

Get over to the menopause board on here. You will get lots of good advice.

PlainJaneEyre · 18/04/2022 20:48

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/menopause

FurMaybe · 19/04/2022 08:14

I sympathise OP. Where does one get the best menopause care? private gyro or NHS/private GP?

FurMaybe · 19/04/2022 08:14

Private gyno or NHS/private GP?

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 19/04/2022 08:27

What gives me the rage is GPs who deny menopausal women HRT and give them antidepressants instead (NB - many GPs are fantastic about HRT, mine included).

OP, have you discussed HRT?

needmorethanthis · 19/04/2022 08:30

HRT and daily yoga. Twice a day yoga if you have the time. The kind of yoga that makes you out of breath and a daily swim in an outdoor pool. Cold water swimming with knock that anger right out of you

HappyStep1 · 19/04/2022 09:22

HRT, transformed me from a very unhappy, angry women back to the person I used to be.
Agree @LadyGardenersQuestionTime I had to fight over two years to get treatment, fortunately my relationship has survived but I know of some that haven't

layladomino · 19/04/2022 09:46

I can't recommend HRT highly enough. It gave me my life back. I was turning in to someone else.

oyatra · 19/04/2022 10:30

HRT didn't do anything for my anger. It's the progesterone that causes it, it actually made mine worse as I'm intolerant to synthetic progestins, as many women are.
Back to night sweats and insomnia for me but it really is the lesser of 2 evils in my case as I was like a mad woman on HRT.
It may well help OP but I just get annoyed at HRT being hailed as some miracle treatment when it isn't for many of us.

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 19/04/2022 10:33

I would really like to try HRT, as I’m similar to Op. I feel intense rage, I get so angry when I’m driving esp, I get real crazy road rage, but it’s not just in the road it’s in every day life. There’s days I hate everyone and everything. I have loads of hot flashes, night sweats , no sex drive at all, DH doesn’t even try anymore.
That said I fear HRT due to increased risk of some cancers . I have been given sertraline also , funnily enough about to start it today. Feeling quite down about it all really

morepatiencerequired · 19/04/2022 11:38

I was totally the same, with everything you mention, OP. Im in a 'behind the curve' country and the only hrt they'd give me (which I then had to beg for and they weren't even sure it was in the country) just didn't work at all and made me feel so much worse I stopped it (history of depression when on the pill so wasn't surprised). Anyway, I started making time for myself. In particular time to exercise. Every bloody day when I could. It's been a game changer. Happier. I get alone time when I'm not doing shit for other people. Even the blasted bloating has subsided. Definitely has helped the figure too!

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 19/04/2022 12:15

@Hopingforabagofbuttons. I would suggest having a read up on the latest research around HRT. I agree it's not a magic bullet for everyone, but surely it should be at least a consideration for anyone menopausal who's got symptoms which could be caused by the menopause. If you have symptoms that could be the result of an underachieve thyroid, and tests show your thyroid isn't producing enough hormone, you'd consider taking a replacement. Why not the same for menopause?

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 19/04/2022 13:06

Yes totally get what you are saying. I have looked into it. All my friends who are around the same age , and going through the same issues all refuse to take HRT, so subconsciously I guess I am swayed by them a bit too . That said there comes a point where the benefits outweigh any potential risk.
Op I feel for you, I totally get it no I hope you find something that works for you whatever that may be x

Touty · 19/04/2022 23:47

Hi i take low dose combined continuos hrt in tablet form, I can't tolerate higher doses of progesterone. I also take a low dose of venlafaxine which is a antidepressant this helps with anxiety and irritability.

JeremiahObadiahJackanoryJonez · 19/04/2022 23:54

Just echoing previous posters, I was angry, sad, anxious etc. was really scared as well. I saw GP and told her. She sent me off to read up about anti-depressants vs HRT.

6 months later I’m much more like the ‘old’ me after starting HRT. I didn’t really know I was peri-menopausal other than the emotions. No periods as I have had a mirena for years, not really having hot flushes and sleep wasn’t really an issue.

BOOTS52 · 19/04/2022 23:59

Am on cymbalta and it helps with anxiety and just started hrt as in peri for years. I don't get angry but then again do not have a partner on top of me driving me mad. Just exhausted and bone pains. But feeling little bit better so hope hrt kicks in proper in few months. Is tough going and should be more education out there and that is for doctor's as asked my doc years ago for it and he said I was too young even though in mid 40's. Asked him again and he said no and had to go to our well woman clinic and the women there brilliant. Hope things improve but try to get gel estrogen which you will rub on daily and the progesterone for 14 days on and 14 days off if you still have periods.

Paris1970 · 16/09/2022 09:18

I’m 52 and going through peri or menopause who knows I’m suffering ok one minute and crap the next seem to be ok on gel and tablet form of hrt then stopped working now on Evorel sequi patches. I have felt a bit dizzy first thing In The morning and at bedtime on third patch and just come on this morning feel bloated swollen and fat I just want to feel
me again all I seem to do is pop pills have a great family and they all understand most of time but feel like I’m getting on everyone’s nerves keep moaning about a new ailment every day help be good to know every one else’s experiences as feel
a bit on my own as also not working anymore due to being made redundant so feel like a spare part that has constant brain fog and a bit lost sorry for ranting

rusholmeruffians · 16/09/2022 09:37

I was exactly like this. My DH and I used to describe it as incandescent rage! It was awful. Screaming and shouting at him over the most ridiculous things. Luckily he was VERY understanding. Went to GP, had an ultrasound (had heavy periods too) was diagnosed with fibroids. They recommended I have the merina coil which I did and it has quite honestly changed my life!

Bestcatmum · 16/09/2022 09:43

Yes, I was Godzilla and had a menopause divorce. Mind you now I'm 60, over the menopause and back to normal and very happy indeed to be single.
I think it made me lose my blinkers and really see what was wrong with our relationship otherwise we would have drifted on forever.

Ryder68 · 16/09/2022 11:09

. OH coming into my space after a shower, OH touching me if I want to be alone, basically OH being near me when I feel so bloody angry and awful.

Stop him doing that!