HELP. Someone I don't want back in my life.

[doyle]

Don't want to give too many details but someone from my past has just sent me a very short, friendly email asking me if I could return something that belongs to him. I emailed back very briefly, saying to email me his address, hoping that would be the end of it. Now I get an email asking how I am, and would I like to go for coffee? (No address given.) I KNEW this would happen - he always starts off innocuously and ends up trying to see me again when I made it VERY clear in the past that I did NOT want to see him or have contact with him EVER AGAIN. I need to get him out of my life again QUICKLY, but I can't afford to make him angry. He can be very obsessive and scary.

If I reply to the email, he'll reply to that and we'll get into a correspondence that I DO NOT WANT. If I don't reply, I'm in danger of angering him and letting myself in for a barrage of emails, texts - even phonecalls to the house.

This is all part of an episode of my life that happened when I was very vulnerable and hence very stupid. I deeply regret it and it will NEVER happen again.

Please try not to judge. Help please.

Not at all, doyle. there are obviously a lot more psychos out there than I realised.

Really hope you shake him of soon. Keep us posted.

Contacting my ISP & domain name holder re. blocking email now - I guess his next step would be text if he couldnt get me by email, so I'll try this and deal with the next thing if I have to

This happened to a mate of mine (was - & still is - married but got a bit close to a guy who turned out to be completely radio rental). I know far more about it than I should because I actually introduced them - not realising a) that mate was going to get involved with him or b) that a bloke I knew as a pleasant if slightly weird acquaintance was capable of turning loony stalker.

He threatened her with all sorts including 'revealing all' to her dh - ultimately the only thing that worked was completely calling his bluff, ie. blocking him on email etc, refusing to speak to him. He slithered quietly back under his rock at that point.

I know it's scary but I'd just send the item back - no note, no comment - & ignore any other attempt to get in contact. Every time you reply & he thinks you're frightened of him or what he might do, he's getting a nasty little kick out of it.

& if he keeps it up DO have a confidential word with the police - they can go & warn him off without your dp being told anything...hopefully he'll have got the message well before it comes to that!

Thank you. You're right about getting a kick out of responses from me. The last response he'll get is this parcel, which he'll get tomorrow.

Have blocked his email now.

I hope no-one will judge me either but this could be my story. I had to come clean to my dp about it two weeks ago as I recognised he had got hold of my home phone number and was trying to call. I changed my number but he has now started targetting dp - I don't want to go the police as I fear that it may get worse although I will if he doesn't get bored soon. I have had no contact with him for a couple of years after I blocked his number from my mobile so can't understand why it has started up now.

I had to make the choice of dp finding out from him or me and so I told him. It was the worst thing I have had to do and I can see the hurt in my dp's eyes. However we are both determined to get through it - it is very hard but having this pyscho in our lives isn't helping!

I was also at a vunerable point in my life but I know it is no excuse and if I could turn back time I would.

Hope you don't think I'm hijacking your thread - I just want you to know you are not alone.

FWIT I agree with Carrie, if he persists I'm sure that the Police would have a quiet word with him and be really discreet if you explained your situation.

Thanks polkadot and thank you so much for letting me know I'm not alone saffy. BTW this is probably a stupid question but how do you block a number from your mobile? Saffy you have all my sympathy - like you I wish I could turn back the clock.

I don't know if it is possible to block a number from your mobile. Has he got your home number as well? If not, change your mobile number and then he can't get hold of you at all.

sorry I meant I changed the sim card - I do think you can ring your mobile provider and ask them to block a number - some however ask for a crime number from the police, others don't. However that wouldn't stop the person concerned changing his number iyswim.
saffy

some phones can bock numbers, I'm sure mine can

I think you are being too harsh on yourself, you couldn't possibly have thought it would end up like this, you can't predict his behaviour. Hope it all dies down.

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you are awesome WandR

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Agh. I un-blocked his email because I started to worry about what means he'd use to contact me if he couldnt get me that way. And now I've received a very angry email berating me for my 'rudeness' in not enclosing a thankyou note with the thing I sent back. It's worded like a professional telling-off (he was my 'superior' at work). I feel terrified and I KNOW it's not the last I'll hear from him.

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Not an option Dior. Have been through all this at length with a therapist - am not going to do it.

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bumping this for wigandrobe to get an answer and to see if you're ok today doyle

Thanks all. I replied to his angry email - one line simply apologising and then wishing him all the best. I know that what he wants (in the absence of me agreeing to meet him) is something to direct his anger at - hence his silly explosion over the lack of thankyou note. What I decided I needed to do was attempt to defuse it rather than let it fester - I know what happens when he broods over things. I know you'll all tell me off for responding at all, but I will do anything to pre-empt him contacting me by phone, even if that means pretending to eat humble pie. I was careful to put nothing in my words that he could latch onto, misinterpret, argue with or take as encouragement. I just want him to lose interest and find someone else to mess up. (No actually I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but you know what I mean.)

If I didnt need to keep this secret I'd stay silent. The nearest thing I can do is be sufficiently boring that he looks elsewhere for his kicks. Fingers crossed.

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