HELP. Someone I don't want back in my life.

[doyle]

Don't want to give too many details but someone from my past has just sent me a very short, friendly email asking me if I could return something that belongs to him. I emailed back very briefly, saying to email me his address, hoping that would be the end of it. Now I get an email asking how I am, and would I like to go for coffee? (No address given.) I KNEW this would happen - he always starts off innocuously and ends up trying to see me again when I made it VERY clear in the past that I did NOT want to see him or have contact with him EVER AGAIN. I need to get him out of my life again QUICKLY, but I can't afford to make him angry. He can be very obsessive and scary.

If I reply to the email, he'll reply to that and we'll get into a correspondence that I DO NOT WANT. If I don't reply, I'm in danger of angering him and letting myself in for a barrage of emails, texts - even phonecalls to the house.

This is all part of an episode of my life that happened when I was very vulnerable and hence very stupid. I deeply regret it and it will NEVER happen again.

Please try not to judge. Help please.

Packaging the thing up now. Sending it special delivery this afternoon. No note or return address.

Thank you pixiefish I appreciate that a lot

Can you not tell dp it was before him and that this fella's obsessed and is threatening you now...

I agree with CD, don't let him know you are intimidated by him. Send his parcel back and see what (if anything) happens then. Would you be able to bluff it - i.e. make him think your dp already knows about it all?

don't reply, send the things off and set any emails from him to be left at server in future

Can you change your phone no/email address. I can't think of an excuse to change the phone no sadly.

Not judging a bit don't worry

Probably not pixie - it's someone I worked with and dp knows when that was.

Oooh that's a good idea, pretending it was before. You could say he was being very vindictive and was a bit mad and that he tells lots of lies or something.

Though I guess that is just more lies which you don't need at the moment.

Good advice, spacemonkey. In Doyle's position, I think that's what I would do.

Doyle, still not judging

Email address is my business domain name - grr

tell dp that this fella tried it on and you knocked him back and now he's threatening you with all sorts- mad stalker sort of thing

doyle how would your dp react? I mean beyond the obvious. Would he leave? Might it be better to get it all out in the open and start afresh with him if you think he would do that?

Big hugs to you all for being so sweet

Could you "admit" to dp that this bloke developed a bit of an obsession with you at the time i.e. anything that actually happened that the bloke may tell dp is the product of his wishful thinking warped imagination?

Although obviously honesty is best policy if that's possible without destroying your relationship (she hastily added).

pixie, that might be the best way if it comes down to it, although as you say CD, I really don't want any more lies. Unfortunately if it came to it, the guy could probably prove something happened. Hopefully if I send this thing back that might be the end of it (although I did think that a couple of years ago - this thing has haunted me repeatedly for a long time now). Telling dp just isn't an option CD - I am no longer into taking risks, from bitter experience, and just cannot risk my current relationship & DS. Have been through all this with a therapist!!! Am not going to change my mind!!

Fair enough. I would just send the thing back and see if he gives up. Ffs sooner or later surely he will find someone new and not bother any more.

Let's hope so CD. This has gone on long enough. Mind you, prior to him (and pre-dp), I managed to go out with someone who subsequently harrassed me for over 4 years - in this case I did tell dp, but didnt dare contact the police because the guy was suicidal and therefore I felt he was capable of anything. This guy's tactics have been disturbingly similar - I clearly have a knack for picking psychos. Which is why I'll do anything to protect the SANE, NORMAL life I have now!

PS The previous guy didn't ever give up - he only stopped when he died

Oh god you poor thing. I know it's not quite the same, but dh's oldest friend went totally bonkers and kind of stalked us (not at all the same as we were both involved and there was no deception between us etc) but we were really worried for a while that he was going to do something silly like knife one of us.

This all happened between 1995 and 1998 (the last time we saw him) and I still get freaked out if I see someone who looks like him on the tube or something. He has sporadically made efforts to get in contact via other people, I believe he was sectioned a while ago and is now on medication so we never hear anything.

If it's any help, I once had a (very brief, I might add) relationship with someone who turned out to be a mad stalker type who was forever trying to contact me afterwards with spurious requests for things back, etc. The way I played it was to send the things he wanted back (in a plain brown envelope with no correspondence) and then ignore any further calls from him. Eventually, he gave up and is now married to someone else - poor girl. To be honest, I was a bit scared of him, and I know he was just looking for a response and any excuse to stay in contact. when he realised he wasn't going to get a response, he gave up.

I do sympathise with you, though. We've all done things we regret, and it's horrible when you feel these things might be coming back to haunt you. My advice would be to send whatever it is back adn then maintain a stony silence.

Very best of luck & a hug.

CD, Frieda, spacemonkey - thank you. I've had so much more warmth here than I expected or deserve.

Really, you shouldn't be so down on yourself doyle. We all make mistakes, we're all human. I really hope it all turns out OK for you X