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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Please can I have a friendly push/ handhold to end something that's gone a bit weird

24 replies

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 17/04/2022 12:32

I met a man online about 2 months ago.

After a few great weeks, I started receiving lots of not-very-nice comments from him.

I've ended it twice but we have a lot of chemistry and I've felt a bit low after years of OLD so have given it a try again both times.

We ended things last time, met up last week and now are back together but I won't see him as he has a very important deadline in 2 weeks or so that he is in a big rush for.

All I feel is stress, panic and unsettlement since we got back together. He didn't really take responsibility for any of the stuff he had said, actually denying some of it outright and claiming other parts were joking and that I was being overly defensive. I wasn't. Not fully anyway, looking at the whole picture of what he had said. He instead would single out each comment and explain or deny it or say he was joking.

It wasn't 'you are worthless, ugly pondlife', but it was a constant onslaught of smaller comments about all sorts of parts of my personality, culture, looks, dress, interests, intellect.

He also rewrote history somewhat about when we first met, claiming to have been a lot less keen than he said he was at the time (I have messages from the time saying he couldn't wait to see me again etc so he either lied then or when saying otherwise). He denied having said the later comments.

There were some other weird little lies about things I never said, too.

I also think he has a crush on a friend (I don't believe anything will happen, she has a family, but I know what I saw and he looked quite enamoured).

I don't know why I have put up with this. Well, I do, I have given him the benefit of the doubt.

I now want to end it but this morning he was all anxious about his deadline and I feel horribly stressed but guilty about doing this now. Would it be ok to just call now and get it over with rather than wait? I have been having panic attacks as I am basically in some sort of relationship I don't want to be in. I don't even think he does.

OP posts:
ScarlettSing · 17/04/2022 12:36

To be really simple, get it done.

Beamur · 17/04/2022 12:37

Text and block.
Then relax.

Glindaswand · 17/04/2022 12:41

O get him gone, he sounds dreadful.

Yes yes to text block delete, he is not someone that you want to discuss the matter with, he is twistier than a curly wurly.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 17/04/2022 12:42

You’ve only know if a few weeks. Send one text message and then block. You are making this into a drama it doesn’t need to be.

Adviceneededplease1234 · 17/04/2022 12:42

I had something similar, kept getting dragged back into a relationship that wasn’t right for me. I’ve finally blocked him like everyone advised me in my two threads on here but will have to see him at some point in a social setting but I’ll deal with that when it happens.

Sounds like he is gaslighting you with the rewriting history. After 2 months you don’t need to call just txt to say this isn’t working for me, I wish you the best but I no longer want to be in a relationship with you. Then BLOCK!

urbanbuddha · 17/04/2022 12:45

Text block delete.
You're only two months in and he's causing you way too much anxiety.

Regularsizedrudy · 17/04/2022 12:49

It’s been 2 months, you owe this horrible man NOTHING. Text him. Block him. Never spend a second thinking about him again. He was priming you for an abusive relationship.

DramaAlpaca · 17/04/2022 12:54

What an unpleasant man. You owe him nothing, not even a phone call. End it by text, then block him. You are worth much better.

KateTheEighth · 17/04/2022 12:59

You know the answer

Text him, dump and block him

He's a nasty bastard and causing you misery

That's not what a normal relationship looks like

trevthecat · 17/04/2022 13:03

As above, text, block, delete.

dipdye · 17/04/2022 13:10

This isn't complicated.

Block him

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/04/2022 13:11

Sending you power thoughts!

This one is a crazymaker. Text a cheery goodbye, block, delete. Plan some nice things for a couple weeks to take your mind off him. It will quick I pass.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/04/2022 13:12

@dipdye

This isn't complicated.

Block him

@dipdye

But it isn’t easy either when you are lonely and want connection. The OP knows she needs to block. She’s just asking for support.

Iamnotamermaid · 17/04/2022 13:13

The deadline is not the issue here, his behaviour is major cause for concern. Hope you have ended it, you need to let this one go and move on. A quick text is all that is required here.

PhilipMumsnet · 17/04/2022 13:14

Hello everyone,
Thanks for the responses to this. The OP has asked us to delete it and we have agreed to take it down.
Best wishes,
MNHQ

tootsierubs · 17/04/2022 13:15

So many red flags, end it now. Trust your instincts.

Cr3ateAUsername · 17/04/2022 13:15

Two months in? Text and block. You need a reality check! If in two months he can make you feel so anxious and down, it is NOT worth it! This is supposed to be the “honeymoon” phase. You deserve better and will find better!

2DogsOnMySofa · 17/04/2022 13:24

Text him 'this isn't working for me, all the best' then block him everywhere

Hesma · 17/04/2022 13:45

You’re worth so much more… move on and enjoy being you x

Tirediam · 17/04/2022 13:51

He sounds like a bastard

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 17/04/2022 14:27

Thank you everyone, very much appreciated x

OP posts:
2Gen · 17/04/2022 17:06

@Adviceneededplease1234

I had something similar, kept getting dragged back into a relationship that wasn’t right for me. I’ve finally blocked him like everyone advised me in my two threads on here but will have to see him at some point in a social setting but I’ll deal with that when it happens.

Sounds like he is gaslighting you with the rewriting history. After 2 months you don’t need to call just txt to say this isn’t working for me, I wish you the best but I no longer want to be in a relationship with you. Then BLOCK!

I agree with this OP! Send this text, it's short and to the point and it's for the best that it isn't sweet! You owe him nothing and he really does sound like a nasty piece of work! Dump text, block, delete and give yourself a little treat for being so copped-on as to not have fallen for this creep and dodging a bullet!
IncompleteSenten · 17/04/2022 17:08

Fucking hell. 8 weeks and nothing but shit.

Block him.

Robin233 · 17/04/2022 17:45

Have you posted about this before
Sounds very familiar

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