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Original poster

* UPDATE * My bf wants nothing to do with unborn baby/pregnancy

70 replies

Sofi1990 · 12/04/2022 19:34

Hi guys

I’ve got an update on this situation. Things have gotten weirder. I’m actually shocked to be writing this. I need to say this so I know I’m not going completely mad.

I have decided to keep the baby. My bf wanted me to get rid and was so shocked when I told him, I’m keeping it with or without him. And quite frankly I’m happy to do it on my own so he can happily walk away, just like he wanted to. I said I would have liked him to be part of the baby’s life but it’s his decision to not be a part of his baby’s life so I’ve accept his decision and it’s over.

WELL, he came crawling back a few days later with this suggestion. I’m still fuming and completely in shock as to his thought process behind this/ or maybe he thinks I’m a complete idiot!

He basically said he wants us to stay together as a couple, go on dates, share a bed together, have sexual relations/sex with each other and act like a normal couple until the baby comes so HE can make a DECISION on what he wants to do - if he wants to still stay together and raise a baby together. Or if he doesn’t want that and leave when the baby is born.

WHAT?! My blood is boiling (probably not good when I’m pregnant) argh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sofi1990 · 12/04/2022 20:11

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea I’m definitely not considering his offer. I’m more shocked and upset. I’m upset that he thinks so little of me. What does he think of me that he thinks I’d be okay with it.

He thinks it’s okay to have sex with me, carry his child and sit and wait until he decides if he still wants to be with me after baby is baby and raise the child together.

@WoodyBrambles thank you, I’m just feeling so heart sore at how he can manipulate me

OP posts:
SW1amp · 12/04/2022 20:14

I’d be inclined to tell him that you agree to it, and that your first ‘couple-y’ thing is going to buy all the baby things

Let him fork out for everything you need, and then kick him out

What a total twat he is

WoodyBrambles · 12/04/2022 20:17

@Sofi1990 I know, it’s horrific, a complete head fuck. I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. How old is this twat?

Ilovecharliecat · 12/04/2022 20:20

@SW1amp

I’d be inclined to tell him that you agree to it, and that your first ‘couple-y’ thing is going to buy all the baby things

Let him fork out for everything you need, and then kick him out

What a total twat he is

This is excellent advice
OurChristmasMiracle · 12/04/2022 20:20

Thank you for your second kind and generous offer but I preferred the first offer. I’ll let you know when baby is born and we can arrange maintenance and contact if you wish

Bye

Aquamarine1029 · 12/04/2022 20:21

Block, delete, and never see or speak to him again.

NotTheOW · 12/04/2022 20:24

@SW1amp

I’d be inclined to tell him that you agree to it, and that your first ‘couple-y’ thing is going to buy all the baby things

Let him fork out for everything you need, and then kick him out

What a total twat he is

Oooh smart!
Fluffycloudland77 · 12/04/2022 20:27

So basically if the baby is good enough he’ll stay but if it’s not judged appealing enough he’s off?

Men are batshit.

Original poster
Sofi1990 · 12/04/2022 20:30

@WoodyBrambles he’s 35 years old.

OP posts:
Yousexybugger · 12/04/2022 20:31

Bugger him. Ensuring he is getting his needs met for the foreseeable by ensuring that sex is a clearly stipulated part of the arrangement. If he'd got anything about him, he would have asked for some time to think now and let you know ASAP what he wants.

Does he have no empathy for how you would feel going through a pregnancy essentially feeling on trial with his decision hanging over?? Good on you being strong enough to see this with such clarity. My blood would be boiling too.

Original poster
Sofi1990 · 12/04/2022 20:31

@SW1amp he would never buy baby things. He would say I need to think if I want to be involved or not yet but continue to date me as normal and ignore the fact there’s a baby growing inside me

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 12/04/2022 20:42

He has an immature, dumb brained , indecisive and uncaring personality, and needs to bog off into his own little world.. It will be bad times ahead if you go along with his oddball rubbish talk.

NorthSouthcatlady · 12/04/2022 20:44

This is totally grim. Is he on drugs?! You and baby are worth so much more than this. He can go fuck himself

WonderfulYou · 12/04/2022 20:47

Well he’s already told you he won’t be involved so you know just before the baby is due he’ll leave.

What a lovely life he has (in his head) - he gets to still have unprotected sex with you and has 9 months to find a new girlfriend and then he can be off and won’t even feel bad because ‘he did warn you’.

I wish these ‘men’ came with a warning so every other women would leave well alone.

What was your decision for keeping the baby if you don’t mind me asking?

TibetanTerrah · 12/04/2022 20:48

Hes basically said he'll use you for sex so that he has time to line someone else up. So utterly grim.

Original poster
Sofi1990 · 12/04/2022 20:50

@WonderfulYou my decision for keeping the baby was after talking to professionals and my family, I know I can raise this baby by myself and do it with all the right support and it’s what my heart wants.

OP posts:
BonneMaman77 · 12/04/2022 20:56

Hi OP, firstly, congratulations!
And, what an utter sh of an ex.

Curious to know, if he did want to be 'fully involved' with the baby without a relationship with you, how would you manage that with an utter sh like him?

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/04/2022 21:02

Well isn't he the little shit? Not only does he want to abdicate all responsibility , he also want to cockblock you. That's all this is, all this "stay together as a couple, go on dates, share a bed together, have sexual relations/sex with each other and act like a normal couple". He absolutely wants you off the dating market, and firmly placed on his backburner, just in case everybody else turns the wanker down. He absolutely does not want you to move on to other, better relationships with other, better men.

FairFuming · 12/04/2022 21:06

I think you should block him on everything and only have indirect contact. He's toxic and manipulative.
I hope you and your tiny bean are doing OK.

Icouldabeenalawyer · 12/04/2022 21:10

You sound really strong and with a supportive family. Your baby is lucky to have you.
Cut him off, he doesn't deserve you.
You got this 💐

Crikeyalmighty · 12/04/2022 21:17

I would say— sorry , that doesn’t work for me. Please don’t let him wheedle his way back in— he made his views very clear. Do make sure he pays his maintenance

RaspberryChouxBuns · 12/04/2022 21:22

Grim. Stop engaging with him.

ninjafoodienovice · 12/04/2022 21:31

I wonder what his family think of his decision - or maybe he learnt his horrible attitude from them.

I wish you well OP - you will be a great mum, I'm sure

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/04/2022 21:32

"That doesn't work for me. I'll let you know when the baby has been born, please respect my wish to focus on myself and the baby health in the meantime as there's nothing to discuss until then."

And mean it.

Calmdown14 · 12/04/2022 21:34

Christ I was expecting you to say he was about 22 - and he'd still be a knob for a suggestion like this...but 35!

I can't get over how many threads there are about men in their 30s not sure if they are ready. Honestly, how long are these man children expecting to live that they don't need to bloody crack on with life

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