Is it always obvious if a guy likes you?

[Lampyshady]

I really fancy a guy I’ve been working with recently. We get on ok in group conversations and I sometimes make him laugh but we don’t really talk one on one/he never seeks me out to talk to. He broke up with his girlfriend of eighteen months very recently so might not be looking to date, and he’s ridiculously busy at work at the moment. He always seems to ask other people I’m with questions and never addresses me by name/sometimes seems uncomfortable around me. I think he’s not interested but don’t want to miss out if he is because I really like him. How can I know for sure? I doubt he knows I like him (I’m quite shy and don’t seek him out to talk to either). How can I let him know subtlely. Im early twenties but really bad at relationships so I sound a bit clueless

@RantyAunty

Think about how other guys you've dated let you know they're interested.

I'd say he isn't, as men in offices make it so obvious when they fancy someone.

I’ve never dated anyone in the past I’m so useless at this. Genuinely have no idea if I’m attractive and intimidating because I’m shy/awkward (girls/random men/older ladies have told me I’m attractive) or if I’m ugly and annoying as I never get attention from men I’m interested in

@Lampyshady listen to those with more experience. An outgoing guy will at the very least try to chat to you and all that. So he's probably not interested. Also you want a man who really wants to be with you - and I think it detracts from that if you ask him out. You want him to make the effort

Yes. Yes it is, and once you realise this your romantic life becomes a lot easier.

I cannot stress this enough.

Yes. The answer is - yes.

I'm also very inexperienced and I did have one guy about 2 years ago who I was 99% sure liked me, but then he ended up ghosting me during the early months of the pandemic (we met at a meetup group and he hasn't been back since!). Even now I still can't get my head around how wrong my instincts were, and I often wonder if there was more to it than me just being wrong, not that it makes any difference!

@CC1991 - I’ve had similar. Someone I was 99% certain liked me who showed all the so-called “classic” signs, but when I asked them out I got turned down flat.

By way of contrast, I was told many years later by a mutual friend that someone who assumed liked me purely platonically, actually had a bit of a crush on me.

I do think it’s probably easier for women to tell though

OP, very very few women are intimidating to outgoing men because they are attractive and shy. Men typically think much more of themselves than we do, and unless very shy (which he isn't) most would give it a go if they were interested, even if the woman was very attractive. Especially when they know them a bit already so don't have to go in cold. Not that him not liking you means you're not attractive, it sounds as though you are, but people like different things, so maybe you're just not his type.
From what you've said about him and what you've said about you, I don't think it would be a good idea to declare your interest in him. I don't think he sounds ideal for your personality and experience as you've presented it here.

Nahhh I don't get the whole "if a man is interested he'll let you know" thing that gets parroted on here.

Maybe I'm just extra-oblivious but a few men were interested in me when I was younger - it sailed over my head and I only found out years later. But I'm also friends with a few men who are on the shy/less confident side and I've seen them absolutely go into their shells when around a woman they fancy.

I would say that once you get into your 30s both men and women tend to be a bit more confident, a bit more fuck-it, and much better at showing interest. In one's early 20s so many of us, men and women, are unconfident navel-gazing messes.

Some appear very confident but it can be an act, some you would never know if they liked you or not some 5 years on.

Add to this, in a work situation there is always the risk of misinterpretation, leading to awkwardness at best, or, at worse, a complaint.

Time is short here, go for it and ask him if he fancies a coffee or a glass of wine.

I had similar OP. Finally asked him out a few days before lockdown 1 announced, he said yes and that was that. Spoke to most days for months then it fizzled.

When we finally went back to work 1 year later the spark was still there (so I thought) and he would come out with me and my friends on weekends.

Turned out he started dating someone after lockdown 3 ended and hadn't mentioned it! I think he enjoyed my company still but had moved on. I do sometimes wonder what would have happened if there had been no lockdown.

I think many men in their 20s aren't confident about these things. I'm still glad I asked the guy out though it didn't work - would go for it OP.