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Original poster

Is it always obvious if a guy likes you?

34 replies

Lampyshady · 12/04/2022 19:24

I really fancy a guy I’ve been working with recently. We get on ok in group conversations and I sometimes make him laugh but we don’t really talk one on one/he never seeks me out to talk to. He broke up with his girlfriend of eighteen months very recently so might not be looking to date, and he’s ridiculously busy at work at the moment. He always seems to ask other people I’m with questions and never addresses me by name/sometimes seems uncomfortable around me. I think he’s not interested but don’t want to miss out if he is because I really like him. How can I know for sure? I doubt he knows I like him (I’m quite shy and don’t seek him out to talk to either). How can I let him know subtlely. Im early twenties but really bad at relationships so I sound a bit clueless

OP posts:
Original poster
Lampyshady · 12/04/2022 19:28

Also he’s not shy at all-very outgoing in fact

OP posts:
ThistlesAndUnicorns · 12/04/2022 19:28

If you don't feel confident letting him know directly, what about arranging some after work drinks with some colleagues? (Including him obviously!) Then you'll have more time to chat away and get to know each other?

I'm not sure subtle hints will work sadly! A lot of people can't tell if someone is interested in them (me included!)

86emz · 12/04/2022 19:33

Life's too short. Just ask him for a drink. If he says no then at least you know. If he says yes then who knows ... you may have changed your future .. 🙈
I asked the guy I liked out as he seemed shy and wasn't sure if he was interested... so in a conversation about what drinks we drink on a night out he said he only drinks beer .. so I said .. you should come out with me and have a couple .. he said yes sure .. 11 years later he's my husband 😂. Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I never asked him for a drink.

seensome · 12/04/2022 19:34

I'd work on talking to him more, you say he seems uncomfortable around you, so you need to break that barrier by being friendly, asking him questions etc. you say he's outgoing so once he does feel comfortable around you, then possibly he'd ask you out, that's if he does fancy you, if not then you've gained a work friend.

I wouldn't ask him out, definitely not unless until you knew him well enough.

DatingAWidower22 · 12/04/2022 20:04

I have only done this once and it was after I left the job so if he said no air wouldn’t die a bit inside! He did say no, but because he was dating someone.

If you don’t ask, you’ll never know!

Aprilx · 12/04/2022 20:29

I will go against the grain. Whenever I have wondered whether somebody likes me or not, agonised over what hidden meaning there is in him not speaking to me, lo and behold, no they were not interested. On the other hand, I have never been wrong when I have thought somebody did like me (whether it was mutual or not).

No harm in trying to get to know him better, but I wouldn’t jump the gun myself. Too embarrassing at work.

AntelopeBeau · 12/04/2022 20:52

The $64,000,000 question!

But I would say - unless it’s fairly obvious - he’s not!

I don’t know if that’s helpful OP?

Working together can be a constraint though depending on the work environment …

Original poster
Lampyshady · 12/04/2022 21:33

I’m only working with him for 2 weeks before leaving the company entirely if that makes a difference!

OP posts:
Yellowhighheels · 12/04/2022 21:36

Tbh I wouldn't be trying to work this out based on what you've seen so far.

You say he is outgoing and has had at least one successful relationship. He is capable of making his interest known or at least talking to you.

By all means organise some group drinks and try to chat to him more but based on what you've said, I personally wouldn't be asking a colleague out 1-1 just yet.

Babar100 · 12/04/2022 21:37

You’ve got nothing to lose but I’d say chances are he’s probably not interested if you aren’t picking up any flirty vibes. Also not always good to be rebound.

Yellowhighheels · 12/04/2022 21:38

Cross post! Arrange your leaving drinks and ask him out then. No worries what he says if you don't have to work with him again!

AntelopeBeau · 12/04/2022 21:58

Yep is he having Leaving drinks?! You can go along. Before you leave you can go over to say goodbye good luck. If he asks for your number, you may be in luck. If he doesn’t, you have your answer….

AntelopeBeau · 12/04/2022 22:00

Especially if he’s outgoing, I think he would make his interest clear

Mylife2000 · 12/04/2022 22:10

For me it's all about how they look at you. Hold his gaze and if he returns he's most likely attracted but if he looks away quickly more likely not.

MinorWomensWhiplash1 · 12/04/2022 22:34

I think he’s not interested, sorry OP. No matter how busy he is, someone who fancies you will seek you out and try to be near you/talk to you. You’ll also invariably catch them eyeing you up when they think you’re not looking.

Iamthewombat · 12/04/2022 22:43

He never speaks to you 1:1, he doesn’t address you by your name, he seems a bit uncomfortable around you.

Face it, OP. He doesn’t fancy you. When a man likes the look of you romantically, you will know because he will let you know. Don’t try to force something to happen. He might be uncomfortable around you because he senses that you are keen on him but doesn’t reciprocate those feelings.

TossaCointoyerWitcha · 13/04/2022 02:26

@Mylife2000

For me it's all about how they look at you. Hold his gaze and if he returns he's most likely attracted but if he looks away quickly more likely not.
Not sure about this. A couple of people I knew did this however confessed they were just did it to perk up their day/have a little ego boost rather than have any serious interest in the person they were exchanging gazes with.
forgotoldusername · 13/04/2022 05:16

I will say it's very likely he doesn't fancy you. When men have fancied me (from the outgoing to the shy), it was very very clear and I never had to wonder (THEY wondered because I hadn't realised).

Please don't ask him out - you want someone who really wants you

SVRT19674 · 13/04/2022 08:56

I think most men shy or not will be somewhat obvious. You say he is outgoing, so no, I don´t think he is interested.

Furrbabymama87 · 13/04/2022 09:32

I've never had men that I like not fancying me back, but if they were so shy that they're not going to get talking to me or ask me out, or they're going to mess me around then it's not worth it as there's others that would be more proactive.

ButtonBound · 13/04/2022 10:01

@Mylife2000

For me it's all about how they look at you. Hold his gaze and if he returns he's most likely attracted but if he looks away quickly more likely not.
See, I get all flustered when I like someone and tend to struggle with eye contact. I would be quite shy and self-conscious about how I come across - and in turn most likely come across as not really being into someone.

Should probably work on that.

5128gap · 13/04/2022 10:23

Based on what you've said, I'd say he doesn't. Most men, whether they're shy or not, still generally expect to have to make a move, so even if they're not massively comfortable, do tend to give some signals. The very least would be to take opportunities to talk to you one on one when they present themselves. Its tempting to think he's avoiding that because he does like you, but IMHO, very few do this. It's more likely they've got a sense you like them and don't want to encourage it. I could be wrong, and if it weren't work, I'd say, just ask him for a drink, but as you're colleagues I'd say give this one a swerve.

PriestessofPing · 13/04/2022 10:33

If you’re not going to be working together in the future then I think it could be worth asking him on a date just before you leave. Nothing ventured etc. Some people go quiet around people they like even if they are outgoing (I definitely can get like that). If he says no then oh well, you won’t be wondering.

Leave it until just before you leave though to minimise any awkwardness at work.

HippeePrincess · 13/04/2022 10:38

I’ve never been able to obviously recognise it either, unless my previous partners haven’t actually been interested in me I don’t get the whole “if they’re interested you’ll know”

RantyAunty · 13/04/2022 13:46

Think about how other guys you've dated let you know they're interested.

I'd say he isn't, as men in offices make it so obvious when they fancy someone.

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