Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Signs of Midlife crisis what were they?

49 replies

cantbelieveheletmedown · 12/04/2022 17:41

Just going through so much pain at the minute.
To those of you who's DH had a midlife crisis. What were the signs? What was the outcome for you as a couple?
I'm seeking support

OP posts:

Thewookiemustgo · 12/04/2022 17:51

@cantbelieveheletmedown an affair three years ago. Midlife crisis (plus other issues to do with him, not me or our marriage) it certainly was, but still no excuse for what he did.
Still together, I decided to let him stay, but he had (and still has but actually is) work to do.

litterbird · 12/04/2022 17:52

Changed gyms, had a trendy haircut, bought new clothes, bought a sportscar, changed his diet, kept mentioning a young Italian lady he met at the gym. Within 6 weeks he left me for her. That was 7 years ago, it was the biggest mistake of his life. He still tries to apologise and ask if I would come back. I moved on to a wonderful relationship. I never reply to any of his sappy texts.

Sideorderofchips · 12/04/2022 17:56

Had an affair

catfunk · 12/04/2022 17:59

Gym, personal grooming, affair with a younger woman from said gym.

jampim · 12/04/2022 18:03

I had the mid life crisis. I got many many tattoos.

SicilySue · 12/04/2022 18:16

Mine started going to the gym, dying his hair, bought a very big sports car, talking slang like a youngster and had an affair. The affair was probably the beginning of the MLC.

thestraitofillinois · 12/04/2022 18:28

Sorry to read you're in pain, OP. Do any of the examples resonate with you?

I would guess that the classic signs of MLC for men are the sports car and increased gym attendance, but aren't there more subtle signs? Things like suddenly knowing how to use FB messenger, for instance?

coodawoodashooda · 12/04/2022 18:28

Raging about everything.

Original poster

cantbelieveheletmedown · 12/04/2022 18:32

@thestraitofillinois

Sorry to read you're in pain, OP. Do any of the examples resonate with you?

Yes sadly. Glued to phone/laptop new walking gear and suddenly taking dog out. Shutting bathroom door when he showers when he never used to. Avoiding any form of physical contact. Barely talking, showing no concern for me or my well-being.

OP posts:

litterbird · 12/04/2022 18:50

@cantbelieveheletmedown, sorry to read about what he is doing. That sounds like a beginning of an affair rather than a mid life crisis. Just watch and observe whilst getting prepared if it really is another woman.

GreyCarpet · 12/04/2022 19:04

My ex husband started saying everything was 'awesome' and dressing like Richie Cunningham.

I shit you not....

Oh and he had an affair, which seems to be compulsory...

Thewookiemustgo · 12/04/2022 19:14

@cantbelieveheletmedown sorry to say but I agree with other posters, this is about another woman. His barely taking any notice of you, hardly talking etc is the only way to convince himself he’s in a bad relationship with a neglectful partner, it gives him the justification for his awful behaviour, when actually before he started acting like an arse, everything was ok. If his phone goes into the bathroom with him now and he shuts the door where he didn’t previously, he’s obviously hiding something. Sorry OP. He’ll deny there’s a problem and say it’s all you being too sensitive etc if you confront him. If you can find further proof, I’d get some.

RosesAndHellebores · 12/04/2022 19:22

DH bought a ridiculous sports car. He also bought a townhouse in an expensive part of London without consultation for me to renovate as our London pad. I did and thankfully he decided he needed to rethink our future plans.

The car is going soon - 8 years on

GlamorousHeifer · 12/04/2022 19:30

How do less well off folk have a MLC? I quite fancy having one but I don't have the budget for a fancy gym and massive sports car......
Sorry OP, definitely sounds like he's had his head turned.

TheWhistler2 · 12/04/2022 19:32

My "DH" lost a lot of weight, was always at work, became distant towards me (although we were still having sex), and was moody. When I asked him wtf was wrong with him he told me he was unhappy, had been unhappy our entire (almost 20 year relationship) and wanted to leave.

He eventually admitted there was an OW and said he wanted to leave to be with her (he'd been seeing her for a few months). I was completely blindsided by this, I'd stupidly been putting everything down to work stress.

He's early 40s, I feel like he's a different person, I never thought he would hurt me (and our children) like this. Having now read many forums and books and having had counselling I realise how common and predictable his behaviour is, it's sad and pathetic.

Ilovecharliecat · 12/04/2022 19:42

@GreyCarpet -Richie Cunningham as I'm Happy Days? 😳 that was a good escape for you surely?

Ilovecharliecat · 12/04/2022 19:42

I'm not I'm

GreyCarpet · 12/04/2022 19:49

[quote Ilovecharliecat]@GreyCarpet -Richie Cunningham as I'm Happy Days? 😳 that was a good escape for you surely? [/quote]
Yep, as in Happy Days.

Very overweight, balding 37 year old man dressing as Richie Cunningham. You couldn't make it up 😆

MalbecMakesMeHappy · 12/04/2022 20:13

My ex's MLC was 24 year old work colleague.... obvious to say we're no longer together

CrowAndArrow · 12/04/2022 20:19

Oh OP, how are you coping ?

Unfortunately, many MLC involves an affair.. a lot of us have been through it, sadly.

BeepBoopBop · 12/04/2022 20:28

When I saw the title I thought wryly of my exDP who fucked off into the arms of an another woman. He thought about it for all of two weeks before acting. Twat.

Then I read the posts and I'm just 😵‍💫 and 💐 for us survivors.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/04/2022 20:32

Save yourself a lot of time and misery and get rid of him now. Everyone I've known who lived through this shit went through the same thing. Affair and then divorce, with most of the husband's trying to crawl their way back after the OW dumped their sorry arse.

sophienelisse · 12/04/2022 21:44

My DH currently has started to shut the bathroom door and be glued to his phone. Face down.

I'm not overly arsed. I'm waiting for him to get back the gym and lose the 5stone lockdown weight he's put on.

It's causing issues in that I don't want to shag him. He's telling me he wouldn't mind of i put on five stone.
I
I'm more worried about the health implications tbh.

If he has met someone else well Maybe they are better suited to each other because I'd prefer that than bring a widow.

movingon2022 · 12/04/2022 22:28

My ex started dying his hair, shaving his chest, bought a motorcycle, then sold it and got another, sportier one and then sold it and got another one. Started spending more and more time on his Ipad (watching porn I assume), buying me sexy underwear and sex toys to "spice up" our sex life.... Eventually I left him but for different reasons, all this did not help though.

I never caught him cheating, but I honestly always had a feeling that he did.

Original poster

cantbelieveheletmedown · 12/04/2022 23:26

@CrowAndArrow

Oh OP, how are you coping ?

Unfortunately, many MLC involves an affair.. a lot of us have been through it, sadly.

I'm not really. I stupidly took an overdose recently my Dad called him at work to ask him to come home from work and he didn't. I'm not proud of putting my parents through that but seriously

OP posts:

Flip

1 2