Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Signs of Midlife crisis what were they?

49 replies

cantbelieveheletmedown · 12/04/2022 17:41

Just going through so much pain at the minute.
To those of you who's DH had a midlife crisis. What were the signs? What was the outcome for you as a couple?
I'm seeking support

OP posts:
samsera · 13/04/2022 03:02

Bloody hell! I hope you're reconsidering your relationship with him @cantbelieveheletmedown
That's appalling.

Your feelings are understandable.

needmorethanthis · 13/04/2022 05:54

My husband has started losing lots of weight and ignoring me. He’s late 40s. Is this a mid life crisis?

tiddlemouse · 13/04/2022 08:13

Bought Viagra, started a comb-over, shaved his pubes into a heart shape, came out as a transvestite, became an alcoholic.
I filed for a divorce within a week.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 13/04/2022 08:55

How do less well off folk have a MLC? I quite fancy having one but I don't have the budget for a fancy gym and massive sports car......

This^

It also seems to be the preserve of men. I understand it's sometimes women, though.

Why call it a mid-life crisis though ? Why not call it, 'abject selfishness' because that's what it is.

Where's mine ? Can I have a flashy car or motorbike ? Gym membership ? New clothes ? Expensive hair cut ? Etc Etc Etc

No, because I don't want it. I'm happy with my life.

What I'm not understanding is why they throw their current life i.e. relationship away for it. Is it hormonal for them ? Is it similar like some women have a last chance hormone surge and have a late life baby.

Dressing like Ritchie Cunningham from Happy Days :)

AntelopeBeau · 13/04/2022 10:15

Mid life affair not necessarily the same as mid life crisis? I guess it could be part of it.

My understanding of mid life crisis is that it also the person re-evaluating their lives, what’s useful and also their dreams and what they’ve missed out on or repressed. Especially perhaps it’s been a perhaps over-planned life. Maybe that fun little sports car if one can afford? Or doing a Reginald Perrin and leave or change the job dramatically etc? Maybe some less dramatic things. It’s not always negative. I’m sure some women do this too.

AntelopeBeau · 13/04/2022 10:28

Alternatively perhaps if their lives have been chaotic, this might be the time they get themselves together? An opportunity before old age to make things happen differently. Maybe I’m going a bit off course here. I’m not sure how affairs fit in here exactly as I’m pretty resolutely single. But I know infidelity can cause an enormous amount of pain to (from youthful memories).

CrowAndArrow · 13/04/2022 10:35

OP that sounds so difficult for you. What a horrible man. What sort of support do you have?

HaggisBurger · 13/04/2022 10:37

As others have said - women rarely have midlife crises of these types. Sometimes it’s used to justify just shit behaviour and of course the mandatory affair.

So sorry you’re going through this @cantbelieveheletmedown

LizzyELane · 13/04/2022 10:39

I showed my DP of 11 years my timetable for the following year (I was a mature masters student). Due to placements there was a only a fortnight's window for a summer holiday with me and my DD. I thought he'd put it in his diary. Instead he announced he'd be travelling across Europe on motorbikes on a lad's holiday. He didn't even have a motorbike.

That was the tip of the iceberg and he's been exDP since November, but it was such a sad and confusing breakup I had a breakdown, quit my degree and lost my future career.

starrynight21 · 13/04/2022 10:43

When I told ex I was leaving, both he and our kids declared I was having a mid life crisis. I wasn't, I was just fed up with him.

Torres10 · 13/04/2022 10:45

I am female and many of my friends have said I am in the midst of a mid-life crisis...if so, long may it continue as far as I'm concerned!

For me though it is about re-evaluating my life to date and adjusting course to make is align more with what I want from life, as I only get to go around once! That has meant I have changed jobs, I have started meditating, done some volunteering and started getting fit. I have also challenged my husband and children that some things need to change :)

I guess what I am saying is that it can be hugely positive depending how you manage it..that said I'm not really the gym affair or sports car type, thats just stuff, but men are largely simple creatures so look for simple solutions I think!

Daisydoo99 · 13/04/2022 10:46

I’m so sorry if this comes across wrong because I’m not for one minute laughing at what that tosspot did to you, but that made me laugh out loud. What a loser. Hope you’re good now! X

PeeAche2 · 13/04/2022 11:09

This does sound like an affair, OP. My ex husband started "touring" with his "band". He'd go to bed early if I was staying up or stay up if I wanted an early night and was ALWAYS on his phone.

One day I just looked. There was loads of activity on an app called KIK and texts from a woman who loved it when he fingered her in the toilets of a pub.

I called him out. He left me. He's now with a woman 15 years my junior. But I'm happily married with children now. Thankfully he and I didn't have kids.

wakeupandshakeup · 13/04/2022 11:12

Got himself a young GF and a double life.. he's lost me and the kids because of it. Joined a gym, changed his underwear and lost some weight (all went back on).. ☺️ sadly it's very common and I conclude men just think with their d*cks

NightmareSlashDelightful · 13/04/2022 11:17

My brother's going through one at the moment. No affair, yet, that I know of. But we've all been invited to admire the V8 sports car and he's suddenly started getting his kids to call him by his first name.

My mum had one as well. (MLCs aren't exclusive to men.) She bought a lot of tight leather clothing (it was the late 80s) and started making passes at the milkman, who was 19.

PeeAche2 · 13/04/2022 11:20

@NightmareSlashDelightful

My brother's going through one at the moment. No affair, yet, that I know of. But we've all been invited to admire the V8 sports car and he's suddenly started getting his kids to call him by his first name.

My mum had one as well. (MLCs aren't exclusive to men.) She bought a lot of tight leather clothing (it was the late 80s) and started making passes at the milkman, who was 19.

  • milkBOY

😂😂😂

Firebrush · 13/04/2022 11:28

Please stop excusing poor behaviour and affairs as a ‘midlife crisis’.

samsera · 13/04/2022 12:11

@Torres10

I am female and many of my friends have said I am in the midst of a mid-life crisis...if so, long may it continue as far as I'm concerned!

For me though it is about re-evaluating my life to date and adjusting course to make is align more with what I want from life, as I only get to go around once! That has meant I have changed jobs, I have started meditating, done some volunteering and started getting fit. I have also challenged my husband and children that some things need to change :)

I guess what I am saying is that it can be hugely positive depending how you manage it..that said I'm not really the gym affair or sports car type, thats just stuff, but men are largely simple creatures so look for simple solutions I think!

Same here, approaching middle age and have done similar. Some friends and people I know have done this. I think it might be partly connected with children being older and having more time.

I wish I'd done it sooner but, realistically, I don't think I could have managed it.

samsera · 13/04/2022 12:16

I don't know if my dh had a midlife crisis as such (he did have affairs anyway in his 20s, I discovered later) but he grew extremely selfish around middle age.

TracyMosby · 13/04/2022 15:35

sounds more like an affair, op. A d after your update sounds like he has already checked out.

movingon2022 · 13/04/2022 18:10

@starrynight21

When I told ex I was leaving, both he and our kids declared I was having a mid life crisis. I wasn't, I was just fed up with him.
I love this Grin
mrziggycoco · 13/04/2022 18:53

@litterbird

Changed gyms, had a trendy haircut, bought new clothes, bought a sportscar, changed his diet, kept mentioning a young Italian lady he met at the gym. Within 6 weeks he left me for her. That was 7 years ago, it was the biggest mistake of his life. He still tries to apologise and ask if I would come back. I moved on to a wonderful relationship. I never reply to any of his sappy texts.
This is a great story and I'm really pleased for you.
Musttryharder2021 · 13/04/2022 21:11

@LizzyELane

I showed my DP of 11 years my timetable for the following year (I was a mature masters student). Due to placements there was a only a fortnight's window for a summer holiday with me and my DD. I thought he'd put it in his diary. Instead he announced he'd be travelling across Europe on motorbikes on a lad's holiday. He didn't even have a motorbike.

That was the tip of the iceberg and he's been exDP since November, but it was such a sad and confusing breakup I had a breakdown, quit my degree and lost my future career.

@LizzyELane

That's awful Op, really sorry that happened to you. Is there any chance you could re-enter your new career?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page