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Original poster

Attached man paying me lots of attention

68 replies

LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 16:17

An attached man doing some work for me is paying me a lot of attention.

He says his relationship (a long with 2 kids, a teen and almost teen) is rocky but he won't leave because his partner has had a very significant health issue and he won;t go in case it were eve to recur ... and also because his kids have been devastated any time they've looked like they were going to split.

He claims his partner has told him to find someone else and move on.

But he won't because of the above.

When I suggested if his behaviour (attention to me, flirtation etc) is not normal for me, then maybe it means his relationship is truly screwed and he should leave and coparent his kids to the best of his abilty ... he became quite indignant, upset and said he felt his loyalty was being questioned and it was unfair.

What on earth ...?

OP posts:
D0lphine · 12/04/2022 16:55

*Ah, yes, the old “my wife is a harridan, the marriage is dead, woe is me, if only someone would stroke my ego and/or penis!”

*
Omg this made me snort.

Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:04

Why on earth would you continue to communicate with this loser?

I'll have to re the work, and if he talks about his home life again, I'll either have to totally ignorr or have a line that will stop him discourage him from talking about it again,

OP posts:
RippleQueen · 12/04/2022 17:05

His wife/partner doesn’t understand him

Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:06

@lemongreentea

Are you lonely OP and enjoying the attention?

This guy is a sleaze and is trying it on for a quickie shag from you. In effect YOU would be paying him for the sex if its during the hours you are paying him. Bet he does this with a lot of the women he does work for.

I'm not onsite.

And if I were, there would be others there.

Not that I'd ever go there; just pointing out he's not in my home, giving smoldering looks over cups of tea, it's not that sort of scenario.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:08

It's a pity because I otherwise enjoy talking to him. We work in related industries and he'd be a useful contact.

I'd like to be a friendly acquainance but it's probably not possible, is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:11

Are you lonely OP and enjoying the attention?

I'm attached and he knows it,

He doesnt know the state of my relationship however, I have not discussed it and wouldn't.

I will admit the attention, admiration etc (he seems like he's for a crush) is nice, but I'm aware it's "worth" fuck all.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:11

(seems like he's got a crush)

OP posts:
almond123 · 12/04/2022 17:12

@LemonDrop22

It's a pity because I otherwise enjoy talking to him. We work in related industries and he'd be a useful contact.

I'd like to be a friendly acquainance but it's probably not possible, is it?

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!

NOT POSSIBLE AT ALL!!!!!!

Love from,
The Woman Who Fell for the Lying "I'm Single" Married Father of 3 and Got Her Heart Ripped Out

PS F**k him

chickenpestopanini · 12/04/2022 17:13

@LemonDrop22

(seems like he's got a crush)
He wants to fuck you. Just shut that bit down ffs
Aquamarine1029 · 12/04/2022 17:13

He doesn't have a crush on you, op. I guarantee this scumbag is like this with any woman foolish enough to pay him attention. Stop entertaining this.

Watchkeys · 12/04/2022 17:14

I'm way too polite and find it almost impossible to ignore messages

You don't have to ignore, but you can brush them off easily enough.

Him: I'm having trouble with my relationship
You: I hope you've got friends you can talk to about that. Now, about the work you're doing...

I'd like to be a friendly acquainance but it's probably not possible, is it

Friendly acquaintances don't post on forums looking for how to deal with advances from each other. If you wanted to be a friendly acquaintance you'd be telling him that you're acquaintances, so let's keep it on a friendly level. You wouldn't be angsting and posting on forums. Own up to your own feelings, work out what you want, and act accordingly. It's not a novel, and it's not school.

Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:18

Love from,
The Woman Who Fell for the Lying "I'm Single" Married Father of 3 and Got Her Heart Ripped Out

Do you mean he said he was single but wasnt .... or made it he was living with "ex" partner, separate, but wasn't?

This guy has been totally open about living with his long term partner and not being separated or anything.

But the claim that she's told him to move on has been made.

Very sorry to hear that happened to you anyway.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 12/04/2022 17:19

Are you a very lonely person, who is apt to fall into all the traps that people set for you... You need to find your own voice, and especially not listen to random men, who spin lines and tosh about their life.

Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:20

You wouldn't be angsting

There are shades between utter indifference and angst.

I am curious about others opinions, and am sorting my thoughts.

It's already been useful.

Thw work will be a natural conclusion to contact anyway.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 12/04/2022 17:22

He's hoping for a shag.

You need to say I'm sorry to hear that. You should confide in a friend or perhaps a therapist.

And then ask something about the work

And every time he tries to talk about something personal, shut him down in a similar way. I think we should focus on the work that needs to be done. Perhaps this is a conversation best had with a friend rather than a business associate/customer, etc.

Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:23

@Aquamarine1029

He doesn't have a crush on you, op. I guarantee this scumbag is like this with any woman foolish enough to pay him attention. Stop entertaining this.
Imho he is crushing ..... you and others will interpret that as me thinking he is genuine, it is personal to me etc.

..... Not on your nelly; to me he seems to be projecting his fantasy woman onto me (it is not me) ; mostly because he is bored and disallusioned etc in his LTR, but won't end it.

OP posts:
MrsMoastyToasty · 12/04/2022 17:27

I bet his partner tells a different story....

Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:28

@1forAll74

Are you a very lonely person, who is apt to fall into all the traps that people set for you... You need to find your own voice, and especially not listen to random men, who spin lines and tosh about their life.
Im not lonely.

As i said above; I get into deep and ranging conversations with pretty much strangers on a regular basis.

They tell me their life stories. This is both sexes.

I am naturally very polite, chatty and have a genuine interest in people.

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonDrop22 · 12/04/2022 17:29

@MrsMoastyToasty

I bet his partner tells a different story....
I bet so too.
OP posts:
Watchkeys · 12/04/2022 17:35

@LemonDrop22

You wouldn't be angsting

There are shades between utter indifference and angst.

I am curious about others opinions, and am sorting my thoughts.

It's already been useful.

Thw work will be a natural conclusion to contact anyway.

Yes, there are shades. You are angsting to some degree, and that was my point. I didn't say you were ripping your hair out.
swimlyn · 12/04/2022 17:40

Biggest pile of wank going. Grin

I must jot down and remember that succinct response @theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity ! Thanks!

almond123 · 12/04/2022 17:48

@LemonDrop22

*Love from, The Woman Who Fell for the Lying "I'm Single" Married Father of 3 and Got Her Heart Ripped Out*

Do you mean he said he was single but wasnt .... or made it he was living with "ex" partner, separate, but wasn't?

This guy has been totally open about living with his long term partner and not being separated or anything.

But the claim that she's told him to move on has been made.

Very sorry to hear that happened to you anyway.

He was "single", then separated, then leaving but not yet.

But honestly, it doenst matter. As someone who has also been cheated ON and left for the Other Woman, none of these nuisances matter. Married/taken is married/taken.

He could leave

She could leave

Neither of them have.

THEY WANT TO BE TOGETHER SO THEY ARE!!!!!

Look, if you're really flattered by his attentions, if you really want to be with him, give him your number and say very clearly, "this for when youve put in for the divorce". Then walk away and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER MAKE CONTACT WITH HIM UNLESS HE DOESNT LIVE WITH HIS EX ANYMORE AND THEIR BREAKUP IS VERY CLEARLY PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE.

And, tbh, as you seem to have a partner, go home and think about what YOU want from YOUR life. The fact that youre bringing this issue here and spending ao much time on it means youve definitely got your own s*t going on. That's the s*t you need to sort - not this guys

stickanotherlogonthefire · 12/04/2022 17:49

Fishing for a shag.
Some blokes think if you're single you must be gagging for it (I think it's all the porn they watch).

Watchkeys · 12/04/2022 17:51

@almond123

The fact that youre bringing this issue here and spending ao much time on it means youve definitely got your own st going on. That's the st you need to sort - not this guys

This ^^

almond123 · 12/04/2022 17:51

PS - dont think that this guy being clear that hes taken makes him a saint. Hes a (would be) cheat. Taken is taken.

PPS - he "says" (and i believe you not him) that his partner has told him to move on. She has NOT given him permission to have an affair. Period.

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