Problems with FIL

[woolypollie]

I have problems with FIL... background is that I could not attend SIL wedding - myself and ds had norovirus so could not attend. My dh attended obviously. But since I didn't attend I have now been frozen out by sil. I'm not allowed in her home etc and see nil. She has not said this to myself but when I mention seeing fil my dh makes excuses. So I had a look at his phone and saw messages from SIL saying I am not invited in her home? What should I do?

Nothing, not your drama. Act normal and polite like you don't know - remember you're the normal one! Sane people wouldn't ban you fron their house for missing their wedding due to illness.

Nothing, leave them to it

Your dh can sort it, if he can’t be bothered then great you and ds need not attend any family events he can go on his own

Personally he should be telling his sister to grow up, what did she want for her and all her guests to fall ill? You are best off out of it

@Keroppi thank you! I found this out after I had brought Easter egg etc for nil... I asked dh about popping it over there and he just didn't seem right when he answered (he kinda looked shocked and uneasy) which made me think something was up. I was going to message that I have sent Easter cards to all family (we have a family chat thing) and that I have Easter egg for nil here and we could pop it over or they can pop round (whatever is easier) and see what reply I get? Obviously do not want an argument or anything but thought well if I don't know what SIL had said then leave it up to her what she wants to say on family chat. But then I don't want to play games etc but the way we all message each other is from the family chat thing usually and not 1;1 usually

@Chloemol thank you. I thought the same but I felt like I was to blame for sil to be this way as she was looking forward to me being there etc (and I was in charge of looking after nil wedding night) but I couldn't help me and ds being unwell and I was truly gutted!

No problem! Not your circus not your monkeys!

Yes I think I'd probably do the same, a breezy and cheerful message on the family group chat, wishing everyone happy easter and oh by the way SIL, let me know when you're free to meet as I have an Easter egg for NIL! Hope the weather will be nice what's everyone got planned blah blah subject change

Same as you'd normally do. She's probably banking on you being upset/confronting her about her "ban" so don't play her games.

@Keroppi this is exactly how I was thinking of being and not playing upset and any game. Thank you! Just wanted to know if this would be the right way about it and not cause any confrontation. Obviously like I said I asked dh about taking Easter egg to nil etc and I got a blank reaction (as if he won't mention Easter egg etc to sil to not cause confrontation) x

Your DH is being spineless here. He should be asking his parents why all his family are angry about his wife and son not attending a wedding when they had norovirus.
I could not imagine my in-laws being like this - they would have been entirely understanding and concerned for us.

So ‘officially’ you have no idea your being frozen out. Just message the group saying you have Easter eggs when can you pop them over.

Your DH should be sticking up for you and calling her out too.

I'm slightly confused by the relationships - was it a typo in the header where you say FIL?

@ginslinger

I'm slightly confused by the relationships - was it a typo in the header where you say FIL?

Yes typo

Why isn't your husband sticking up for you. Bloody hell id be saying to stop being so bloody ridiculous

No idea what ‘nil’ is, or who phoebe is, or the big deal about an Easter egg, just chill out, leave your husband to interact with his relatives. Really, who cares.

DH problem, why hasn’t he reminded his ds that you had noro? Did she want you puking down the aisle and infecting everyone? Mad.

Update*
I messaged fam chat and SIL said thank you. But MIL picking up Easter egg. SIL clearly has an issue with me.... DH hasn't said anything still so I'm still "none the wiser"

Well stop bothering with any of them.
Leave all gifts and messages to your dh. You know where you stand.
Oh and your dh is a sorry excuse not calling them out.
Presumably they don't snub your ds for being ill?

I'd stop buying things too, your nil will not know who it is from anyway if mil is giving it to her.
You mentioned they had got you down for babysitting on the day of the wedding, the real reason why sil is blanking you, her free childcare had been ruined. Not your problem, leave them to it.

I'd eat the bloody egg myself. Fuck em.

@Gardeningcreature this is very true.. I'm being blanked because I couldn't be the babysitter for the night! Obviously everyone else in the fam don't see a problem with me

@Justmuddlingalong oh I've been tempted to lol

@Bunnybingesoneggs very true. And no they haven't snubbed ds for being ill... just me who was meant to be the babysitter for nil and also looking after ds who has sen

Tell DH that SIL seems at bit off with you, but you can't fathom out why. So you're going to just take a step back and let her come round in her own time. Then make yourself a nice cuppa. and crack out the chocolate

@Justmuddlingalong good idea.. I may do this. I just know that dh won't say anything to me or sil (he doesn't like confrontation, if me and him have disagreements - he will just sulk - be quiet for a little while. He doesn't like to talk about things)

Aye. Just plead ignorance. They won't be able to thrive on any drama if you don't engage.

Just to add... sil dh messaged privately from fam chat to say thank you for the Easter egg. So it is clearly just SIL problem with me? Am I right? But no one will call her out on it? (Or they might be but she's being stubborn which is why mil is picking up Easter egg with nil?)