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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Your thoughts on what is going on here? Bedroom related with newish man.

45 replies

Dusktildawnone · 11/04/2022 22:02

It's not all that new (6 months in) and he has never ejaculated. I must admit at the beginning I wondered if it was me but for him to still want to see me I then thought it Can't be plus the fact this has never happened in previous relationships.

He seemed embarrassed the first couple of times. Now he seems to just get on with it. It just seems so unfinished so to speak. I've also noticed that when he gets hard he rushes straight to intercourse but is happy to just give oral and always ensures I'm satisfied. This is another reason that I don't think it is me otherwise why would he bother.

OP posts:
garlicandsapphires · 11/04/2022 22:04

Does he have ‘death grip’?

Original poster
Dusktildawnone · 11/04/2022 22:05

Does he have ‘death grip’

I don't know. How would I find this out?

OP posts:
spotcheck · 11/04/2022 22:07

Does he orgasm at all? Does he finish himself off?

Original poster
Dusktildawnone · 11/04/2022 22:09

Does he orgasm at all? Does he finish himself off
No

OP posts:
Original poster
Dusktildawnone · 11/04/2022 22:10

Does he orgasm at all? Does he finish himself off

I've never thought about that. Why would he not finish himself off? I'm confused by the whole situation

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 11/04/2022 22:14

Everyone will rush on here Abe day it’s because He’s addicted To porn and had death grip. But many years before porn my first love had this. Just couldn’t come.

Fairycake2 · 11/04/2022 22:15

It could be stress or medication or all sorts of things. My bf struggles at times. I'd never experienced it before either but it seems more common than you think

Original poster
Dusktildawnone · 11/04/2022 22:16

He has 3 children albeit almost adult children so he must have been able to come then.

OP posts:
WormHasTurned · 11/04/2022 22:17

STBXH had this problem. He was on medication that affected his ability to orgasm (is your DP on antidepressants?) . It is frustrating for both parties and gradually he just didn’t want to have sex any more because it was no fun for him…lack of foreplay and a rush to the finish happened for us too…
it wasn’t the only reason we split but it didn’t help matters.

I would think quite carefully about a future with this man..what are your circumstances? do you want children?

CrowUpNorth · 11/04/2022 22:17

Certain medications can cause this (anorgasmia) including some common antidepressants.

Original poster
Dusktildawnone · 11/04/2022 22:18

@15Fairycake2 thanks for sharing. Is your bf embarrassed about it? Has he told you the reason why he struggles?

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 11/04/2022 22:22

I'd say just go with it, don't make a big deal of it, quit when you've had enough. It's better than a hair trigger Wink

SheilaFentiman · 11/04/2022 22:23

Does he orgasm but not produce ejaculate? Some prostate conditions lead to “dry”orgasm.

Original poster
Dusktildawnone · 11/04/2022 22:30

Does he orgasm but not produce ejaculate? Some prostate conditions lead to “dry”orgasm

No I don't think he does. He seems to just give up after a while.

OP posts:
WilsonMilson · 11/04/2022 22:35

You’re going to have to talk to him about it, it can’t be any more awkward than just stopping having sex without his orgasming.
If you’re comfortable enough to have sex, you can surely speak about it. Say you’ve noticed that he doesn’t climax and ask if there’s a reason for it, and if there’s anything you can do to help the situation. You’re both adults, if you are invested in a future with him then just communicate.

Watchkeys · 11/04/2022 23:28

What stops you from talking to him about it?

RantyAunty · 11/04/2022 23:34

I wouldn't waste any more of your time with him.

oviraptor21 · 11/04/2022 23:38

@RantyAunty

I wouldn't waste any more of your time with him.
I guess you'd expect a man not to waste any more time with a woman who couldn't orgasm then Hmm
Aquamarine1029 · 11/04/2022 23:40

Run for your life. This issue will become HUGE. Get out before you get too invested.

TedMullins · 11/04/2022 23:43

Talk to him? It might be medication. If you’re having an otherwise nice time in bed, does it matter?

Icecreamandapplepie · 11/04/2022 23:47

There may have been a few men in the past that had this problem but its on a far grander scale now!

No fap sites are heaving with young (and older) men struggling with real life partners after avid porn viewing.

PermanentTemporary · 11/04/2022 23:47

Could well be antidepressants - I'm on them at the moment and it's just not going to happen.

It sounds as if he's making sure you enjoy yourself in bed? Can you recast your expectations so that your orgasm is the finish?

Say that you've noticed he doesn't orgasm and you'd like to know if there's anything that would make sex more fun for him.

TheHoleNineYards · 11/04/2022 23:49

There could be any number of reasons: medication (I had an ex on anti-depressants that caused this); death grip; nerves…

Tbh, the more worrying element of this is that you’ve not talked about it. Has it really never been discussed? Is there a reason you’ve not asked?

LizzieSiddal · 11/04/2022 23:50

Why can’t you talk to him about it?

Pleasebeafleabite · 12/04/2022 05:55

It’s almost like the top shelf didn’t exist in ye olde days before smartphones

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